The story so far:
"Plumeros de los trabajadores de limpieza!" came a scream of confusion right as Barney was about to tap Tina on the shoulder, apparently twelve Peeps got into a hot car and just totaled it to hell. An insurance claims adjuster appeared on the scene to propose the Peeps switch to all state if they were going to keep this up. The Peeps then ate the claims adjuster, and went on to total four other cars for the **** of it.
"Tifon de bala!" the Puppet King was slammed into the ground by what appeared to be several AA batteries trying to fit themselves into a tiny remote meant only for AAA batteries. they later sued the remote for disturbing the peace, and the remote took them to court for several counts of attempted rape and extortion.
Tina turned around, clobbering a Puffy the Rabid Dog themepark worker in the process. Her dark blue eyes seemed to work around the dimensional battlefield as the chaos reined all around them. "We don't have time for this-" she started to say as a giant bubble monster was popped by her dark bown hair. "If we did, I don't think we'd be having a war right now!" Barney's mind suddenly went blank with intense hatred for Tina Door. his eyes became placid as the Great Mouth's influence overtook his will to fight along side the Door of Existence. "whelp... how dare you speak to me this way! la magia cadena en blanco y negro: cosida ejército de muertos vivientes del olvido!" he roared without reserve. the seals embedded in the Puppet King's arms, legs, neck, back and torso suddenly began spinning madly, glowing a furious bright yellow as electricity poured through out his being. his jaw unhinged and split open, revealing a nozel with several barrels that viciously erupted a cone of glowing red string.
the string stitched themselves into any and all things or people or places, the deep scars going all the way through as their very atoms became subject to the Mouthian's will. 'my army...' the Great Mouth's will commanded them, 'destroy your masters! kill them all!" there was a sudden silence as those infected with the attack stopped what they were doing, went limp, straightened up with eyes so blood shot or bleeding, and iin the case of the cookie monster, leaking cookie dough, and rampaged through each other in a mad dash to perform what their new master had said. 'this is working out perfectly...' the Chasm and Door thought to each other. they had expected the Mouthian's betrayal, and planned for this exact event. the infected simply fell down dead in their tracks, were reborn to either hte Door or the Chasm, and continued their fight.
"la magia cadena de gris: molino de metal perjudicial!" Barney called out as the seals on him spun even faster, enlongating till they seemed almost like ten foot long funnels. the funnels then exploded into a furious hurricane of billions upon billions, upon trillions of tons of monofilament strings, seeming like a thick metal tube that stretched into the infinite space above, below and around. the Mouthian had forgotten about the five dimensional space distortion, so that not only were they fighting against the Door and Chasm above, below, and around them, but they were also fighting against slightly altered verions of themselves in the past, present and future. this meant that their were ten Barney Fife's unleashing attacks, and that each had targeted him. the Mouthian watched in horror as five hurricanes formed a pentagram like design and rushed towards him, taking out the untold trillions upon trillions, upon trillions of warriors in their paths.
"this... shall not be! show yourselves false Puppet Kings! and fight me like true warriors!" the Puppet King shouted. apparently they heard him because each dimensional version of thep uppet king appeared before him. the first version looked like a cashier at banana republic store, the second, a junk yard operator, the third, what looked like to be an offspring of both robocop and swamp thing, the fourth was simply a victorian house, and the fifth was a box. the Mouthian recognized the box from his battles wit hthe ocuncil of ten, but wasnt sure why it had been resurrected in this battle field, and just as it had done then, it did absolutely nothing. "**** smug bastard." the cashier said stubbornly.
back in the Ringworld, things had not gotten any easier, Mu, Nu, and Xi had been killed in the fighting with Xet, who had simply stomped on their feet and instantly crushing their throats with his knee. "Mu... Nu.. Xi." Nordafet said calmly as the fragments corpses crystallized and shatters in a shower of red, green, blue, black and yellow. Xet simply used Qoph to suck in their remains. "you see... the Kreeg are nothing to me... and the best part about being a Fragment?" there was an intense silence as the last bits of the three became one with Qoph. "the best part is that all seven castes of fragments are peices of the whole! this means that we absorb those we defeat!" Nordafet shook with anger, pushing his way between the Golden and Bloody Strands and simply phasing through the Black Syrup.
"you **** **** hat!" Nordafet began as his arm formed into a spiked ball and chain, he swung hard, the spike slashing through the Fragment with ease as Xet simply stood there smiling. the peices that broke off of him simply rejoined him as if nothing had happened. "how could you do this to your own kind!?" another swing, this one taking out Xet's left shoulder down to his right hip, "how in Existence can you justify being such a whiny bitch!? WHATS SO **** IMPORTANT THAT DRIVES YOU TO KILL OFF THE OTHER FRAGMENTS!?" the question was a good one. Xet didn't smile at all. but still laughed wildly, as if hed lost all his marbles in a game of catch.
"that is the magical question? why I want to be the complete one? listen ink blot-" there was a calousness in the fragments voice that trilled with happiness at the thought of killing off the Kreeg that resided within Morgan, Antimo, and Nordafet. "that reason is that once al the fragments are absorbed into me, I'll have the power I need to unlock Barney Fife's final seal, and after that.. well, I'll let you be the judge!" the Fragment from the werbeh consumate laughed and laaughed, his smile become wickeder and insane with each breath he took. the robe that he wore grew a hood, turned to metal, andgrew several pockets. "my strength, at this level is enough to wipe out an entire universe. think about that, not just a planet, or snuffing out a star, and erupting a black hole, or crushing a galaxy, but destroying an ENTIRE universe!" the Golden Strands was broadcasting to every inch of itself that wass currently available, and it felt all of it shiver in a collective scream. 'this isnt good...' "what was that!?" Xet commanded, over joyed at the fear he was sensing in the chasms supposedly infinite weapon. "fight me Golden Strands, hell... I'll fight all three of you!"
the Strands and the syrup didn't have any choice. 'he has the power to obliterate an entire universe sister and brother... we need his power...' he thinks to his siblings. "Morgan, let us use any Fragment you currently possess. it is vitally important we destroy him, but we've seen what the deoms attacks do... and we do not like the results." Morgan was hesitant to comply, on the one hand, the Golden Strands could just turn around and kill them right then and there, on the other, fhe **** hated the thought of someone like Xet trying to kill off his home, just because he thought he could. 'reason, get alpha out here, tell him to only partially go to the Strands, this way... if worst comes to worst, we can simply get him out of there.' Morgan thought to his other side. he felt something leak out of him and saw a trail of light go into the Golden Strands out stretched hands. he felt uneasy, but had no choice but to trust the thing he was trying to defeat. "don't worry Morgan, I'll keep him in check." Resaec said while he melted down into the black goop that had slunk its way to the Golden Strands side. "why don't I believe you?" Antimo asked cautiously, but was on the receiving end of a vicious eye poking by a living Snickers bar.
the Golden and Bloody Strands and the Black Syrup stood shoulder to shoulder as the Ringworlds resumed their rotation, gradually speeding up till Reality warped into a gladitorial stadium. Morgan, Nordafet, Antimo, and the mean Snickers bar found themselves sitting in the seating area. the stadium was three hundred feet in radius, with the seating being in the middle of the spacial distortion. blocks of stone, spiked walls, mini worlds, and twelve peices of chocolate floated around the four while the Fragment, Strands and syrup appeared at opposite ends of the stadium. "you like it?" Xet asked venomously, I ordered it special. I hope its to your liking-" the Golden Strands simply rocketed towards Xet, forming a giant, four bladed, several hundred petaton scythe in his hands. the Bloody Strands formed into thousands of tight balls and spread themselves in strategic places. the Black Syrup joined the Golden Strands, forming four more arms, each with a seventy foot version of the cat of nine tails that ended in several mourning stars. Xet smiled as Qoph floated around the Fragment in orb form. "well... looks like this won't be a complete waste of my time after all."
somewhere in another Existence, Aneeh, Joseph, and Joshua Arhem were surrounding both Sarah and Kim. how Sarah wound up there, she didn't know. how Kim wound up there, she knew. she had bought a Lottery ticket, scratched it, and got hit by a bus. there was no mistaking it. but the bus didn't kill her, in fact, it was made of lime green Jello and she simply passed right through it. however, when she came to, she was standing right behind Sarah. "wha-" "shut up woman." Joshua said as he snapped his fingers, summoning a cherry Jello cab that ran her over, sending her some place else. "this is no time for weaklings to be present... right siblings?" Aneeh nodded. she had wanted to get revenge on Sarah for interfering when the colossus of darkness was wreaking havoc on the dream Dimension. "long time no see..." Sarah said as her silver and gold armor melted onto her body. her gatling magnums fading into her open hands. the weight felt somewhat strange.
"yeah.. long time." Aneeh responded. "I have a mission to accomplish. and I will kill you to get it done." the Arhem woman responded with a distinct coldness in her voice. "likewise... lets get this over with. pale proiettili tempesta!" Sarah shouted calmly as the weapons in her hands faded away and a thundering, infested, sickeningly gargantuan black as smoke cloud appeared in the distance. "infiammare." there wass a loud explosion and the sky simply was blotted out as the cloud rocketed billions of tiny kunai at the trio. "brother! shield me!" Aneeh commanded as the first of kunai sliced open her cheek as Joseph lazily walked over, his face, arms, and lower back already impaled by several of the tiny annoyances. "wow... you must really not like her!" Sarah joked as Joseph simply gave her the finger. another two kunai slitted passed the Arhem woman, her side and left thigh bleeding form the unseen cuts. "Joshua, DO SOMETHING!" by this point, the cloud of kunai had blotted out the sun, their collective buzzing sound growing louder and louder, shaking the very ground they all stood on. Sarah thought she mightve over did it, but shrugged as she brought out a tiny umbrella.
"stony mountain shield." Joshua said calmly as he placed his hands on the ground. two hundred more kunai slammed into the ground, some slashing passed Joseph stabbing Aneeh, others creating tiny craters in the ground. "um... I think that would be Pathar?l? pah??a ?h?la there, brother." the effect was the same as three foot thick slabs of stone appeared before the Arhem siblings, Sarah simply sat down with her umbrella and pulled out a copy of her favorite book. "yeah... you do that. pale toro tette tifone." Sarah yawned as a few miles behind her first attack, five billion twelve ton bison wrapped in barbed wire were launched at Aneeh. the kunais rained in tight, compact waves of five thousand, thinned out, and started all over again, the stone shields the Joshua had summoned chipped and cracked under the force behind the impacts. after ten hours, there was a fourteen foot layer of kunais that threatened to become even deadlier should a tornado appear. Sarah hadnt moved an inch.
the slabs were nothing more than four inch paper weights at the end of her first attack. Aneeh had desperately wanted to strangle her brother, but found she couldnt as huge chunks of his body had been ripped off thanks to the kunai cloud. "yeah... brilliant idea." he simple said after he regrew his jaw. "by the way? did you want some sharp beef for dinner?" he luaghed nervously. Aneeh side stepped a bison the plowed through the weakened shield, ripping josephs body into pieces and exploding into a sharp fire storm. "... I guess that answers that question." she said, terrified of how much stronger Sarah had gotten since they last met.
the Door and the Chasm continued to freeze and unfreeze time in the Dimension between dimensions. each time, Barney Fife had to deal with the microsoft paper clip that turned into a very pissed off looking Govenator. each time, the Govenator was defeated through the increased strength of the Puppet King's new move set, thanks in part to the Great Mouth's manipulation. "so... whelp, you dare to challenge me for the fifteenth time!? don't you learn anything from your failures?" the Mouthian's voice asked annoyed at the Govenator. Arnold shrugged. "I don't. those previous version were entirely too weak to deal with your threat level. I am the Govenator five thousand, I slice, dice, chop, mulch, juice, grind, and do your taxes to death!" this had Barney Fife pulling out his cell phone to order one, but hte Great Mouth made him slap himself in arrogance and to get his mind back into the fight. "we have seen too much of this nonsense, this interference of our journey! my Slave will defeat you!"
Tina Door and Chrissy Chasm joined the Govenator and drew their weapons. Tina unsheathed two triple bladed chain saws attached by a chain, with chrissys hands glowed slightly. "no you will not Mouthian, we've been onto your scheme for a long time now, ever since you claimed Barney Fife as your Slave, through your fights with the late council of ten, up till now, we've follwed your exploits very carefully..." the avatar for the Chasm stated. Tina nodded happily as she jumped up and down, the avatars well formed chested bouncing up and down, causing the Puppet King some momentary confusion. "what are you doing!? stop that!" the Mouthian shouted as the buzzing of the ball of insects rebounded off the wall. "let us begin this tiresome fight. and you should know, that this is just my Slave at ten percent of his true strength!"
Six metal half inch springs seperated Barney Fife from the long dark hallway that he had been dreaming of ever since he had been over grilled on the Chasm's BBQ a few months ago. He could hardly believe it, still, the small town sheriff didn't know how he had gotten to the point he had. One minute, as far as he could remember, he was helping Andy Griffith fix the wooden fence outside his house, and the next, he was standing between the Door of Existence, and the Chasm of Nonexistence. He remembered feeling an intense pain slash down from the top of his brain to the very tip of his tail bone. It wasn't so much the horrific, mind altering pain that burned out every nerve ending he had in his body, as it was the fact that he was somewhere else entirely different from the small town he had patrolled for nearly thirty five years.
Even more surprising to him was just how down right scary this place got. All the fights he had ever been in, every punch or kick he had thrown while he was alive, he seemingly knew it would lead up to this point. There wasn't much to doubt about himself about now. He had been made into a vessel by a giant pair of lips, defeated vast amounts of extremely powerful enemies, saw the very cusp of Existence fold out from underneath his feet, and summoned creatures made from his own body. But now the Puppet King had a new crisis to face. Something that might've challenged him were he still Human.
'Am I still Human?' he thought to himself as the six springs spun slowly on the ground in front of him.
The Mouthian's voice slammed against the back of his eyes, forcing him into focus. "Slave... I had been wrong about you. You've become something more than just a Slave while I was gone."
There was something comforting about his Master's voice, and at the same time annoyingly nosy. He didn't like the voice of his Master, but at the same time, didn't have any realy choice.
"you are right, Master. I had grown and changed since you sacrificed yourself for my life. I have defeated my own personal demons and- Master?"
The Mouthian's voice hummed loudly, and then snapped back to attention. "Sorry, I was just thinking about how much you remind me of my last Slave."
"Thank you Master!"
"You really shouldn't do that, he was quite disappointing. You of course, are four times worse. Kill them, and I might make it three times."
Barney couldn't argue with that logic, after all, the Avatars of the Door and Chasm were right in front of them. Along with each Dimensional shifts version of him. But the thing was, that Tina Door was controlling five, and Chrissy Chasm had four under hers.
'I guess to match wits... what the flying hell is that!?' the Puppet King thought in amazement as their Slaves rose up from the ground like ravenous zombies rising from their graves for the first time. Tina introduced them all.
"You see Mouthian, we had to plan extra hard to counter anything you could throw at us. Both the Door and Chasm have an infinite amount of Slaves to choose from. But just for you, now that we've seen your true colors, here are my favorite five!" she flicked a pointer finger into the air and the fiery red string that was attached to the first Slave slung it into the air. "Meet Wasabi Chunk, Beef King!" the slab of steak slapped wetly onto the ground, from its sides it grew several appendages, and some that Barney had no idea what they were used for. But he didn't waste any time dispatching the weak imposter.
"La magia cadena de negro: Bomba carne ardiente!" the Puppet King said calmly as a ball of black fire engulfed the peace of meat. Tina sighed, she was all out of ideas. So she pulled her head off and slammed it into the ground, the head shattered into a googleplox of dust particles.
"So... your plan is to give my Slave a puny cold!? HE IS BEYOND SUCH PETTY ILLNESS!" the Mouthian's voice erupted from the Puppet King's mouth. soon after, he somehow caught a cold, was driven to the nearest hospital, and forced by unwillingly coerced surgeons to have gender reassignment surgery. Their scalpels could hardly even nick his tough skin.
"Wow... that sucked." Barney shouted as the Bloody Knight once again slammed into the ground, this time, impaled through the head by several spiked helmet wearing midgets in colorful Hawiian shirts.
On the Ringworlds, things had become somewhat confusing. Confusing in the way that the Strands and Syrup were on jeopardy trying to beat william defoe in a battle of the attacks. everything they threw at him faltered with his one eternally twisting scowl that had wrapped around Janet Jackson's left knee and snapped it off like a puzzle piece. There was nothing fancy about it. Xet was off somewhere trying to buy a burrito from a recently reborn christian insurance claims adjuster, but was geewhizzed into buying a van full of hot bibles. Meanwhile, Morgan, Antimo and Nordafet were having fun discussing the prime cycle of life and how the Steelers could've done better in the play offs. So far Nordafet had listed off two theories involving a pressurized fire hose, several tons of nachos, seven cacti, a dog named skip, Robert Deniro's mole, and five hundred pounds of mayo. Antimo volunteered to be the person holding down each of the Steelers players during the procees, and Morgan calmly explained that the muscle around that area could only take so much punishment.
When asked how he had aquired this knowledge, the Lost Wolf only mentioned the state of Utah and quickly changed the topic of conversation, much to the Deom's chagrin. Meanwhile, Xet and the Strands were trading blows faster than the Syrup could blink.
'What's their game?' the Fragment thought to himself, 'Why don't they just absorb me like everything else!? Aren't they the Strands of Oblivion, the Chasm's number zero weapon against the Door of Existence!?' the Golden Strands formed a chainsaw with broadswords with heavily beveled edges for the teeth and slammed Xet down into the edge of the stadium's outer border, the chainsaw roaring with the power of five thousand million horse power racing engines, the swords slamming the Fragment further and further into the borders powerful forcefield.
Xet had enough. "Goldy, you haven't seen nothing yet. H?ixiào táif?ng qiángdù ch?ngm?n fènnù de sh?ndiàn!" the Fragment's dark leather coat sprouted hundreds of cattle prods at the end of flexible metal arms. The Golden Strands instinctivily condensed its shiny and smooth covering into a thick armor that reflected the damage. Xet smiled to himself, he had seen the Golden Strands damage firsthand when he had visited the Singolarita Dimensionale, right when it had just been born. He witnessed the Vietnam vet version of the Beast get crumpled into nothing as the Strands infested his form, tearing him apart from the inside out.
Storm clouds whipped up from the spaces in between the Ringworlds rings, as the Bloody Strands shot sticky bubbles at the Fragment's back. The first few smacked him right in the back of the head. All Xet did was smile and direct the electrically charged winds at the former wife of the Lost Wolf.
The Golden Strands brought forth more of the larger collection of its being beneath Xet's feet as the massive clouds began whirling and whipping around the four of them.
"Is that all you have to show for your so called 'claim' of power?" the Black Syrup said indignified that this, in his eyes, weakling dared raise a hand against the Nightmare Dimensions King. 'Mille per l'anatra alla pechinese: Pollo sorpresa arancione: Buffet abbattere!' Resaec thought as he held out a hand and absorbed the full brunt of Xet's attack without even flinching.
Back in the Waking Dimension, on planet Earth, things that, at one point been a strange and fantastic to look at and or run away from, seemed boring and trite to the point that people just let themselves be swallowed whole by a flaming lincoln log covered in jelly beans. Even polotics wasn't left alone as Yoda and Yogi bear debated, rather violently, about whether or not the state tax could be absolved by the forcing of pink slips down the republican party leaders throat. it was then decided by a seemingly innocent stripper named Dellaruse, that no matter how hard she swung around that pole, the creepy old guy in the back of the club would not stop depositing rolls of quick dry cement in her bra. There was not a single moment that could possibly describe how the pope had gotten into gangster rap, nor why he had his pope mobile pimped.
Soon, everyone just gave up making movies because real life was more creative than anything Hollywood could've came up with. Even Disney had a hard time making animated movies when the drawing tables suddenly demanded they needed to have some alone time with the lamps in the corner because they had wood.
After two days of normality for what it had become, the planet Earth, yet again, was obliterated by getting stepped on by a fat man running away from a giant metal cheese wheel of death. It was Ghudda. of death. This particular running fat man was a descendant of the original running fat man, who had a heart attack after being slammed into the ground for more than a year. As it happened, he passed a man working at a floating desk that had two cats on it. One of the cats was slighty older than the other and meowed a lot. The second one rested on his lap, and on the rare occasion, took an obsessive interest in cause the man as much pain as felinaly possible.
It was at this moment that something struck Morgan as odd. He thought he saw Kim flit in and out of his vision, like she was a mirage ready to spring another insidious trap. 'Couldn't be...' he thought to himself as he was shunted out of the stadium, the area exanding beyond his wildenst imaginings, he fell through door after door, each one getting a little more decrepid than the previous. He twisted and turned in the blackness until he saw a tiny island floating up towards him, slowly at first, then rocketing towards him. He knew he couldn't do anything about it, but he body decided at that time not to listen to common sense and flapped his arms wildly. 'Thats not helping... at all!" he shouted as he heard the clambering of the racers getting to the starting lines. "What the-" Morgan didnt have time to react, his body felt the impact of the hard paved blocky roads before he even hit the ground. This only made things worse for him.
The runners around him ignored the new arrival and only looked ahead, their thoughts on the prize that lay ahead of their trials.
"Racers! On your mark, get set, GO!" a voice shouted from distance, followed by a very distinct gun shot, followed by the thundering and squeaking sounds of thousands of sneakers grinding against the pavement. Morgan was no different, he had lost himself in the rush of things as he sped up, passing runner after runner in aa desperate, uphill attempt at making sense of everything. the grassy fields turning gradually into streets lined with spectators as they called out silent cheers. That was the thing Morgan couldn't get over, there was no sound, there was only the pitter patter of his heart, the pangs of the soles of his shoes slamming against the road, and the slight squeak as they pushed him forward.
He had been in first and traveled two thirds of the way up the spiral path. But he found it to be getting smaller and narrower, as if he was getting closer to the prize instead of nearer. "Hello Morgan." a voice said from behind him, it sounded feminine, but he wasn't sure, he just kept running, as if everything else didn't matter to him, he just kept pressing onward and up till he came to a white picket gate. "This isn't right..." the Lost Wolf thought to himself. The man looked behind him to check for the other runners and found them to be frozen mid stride, as if they were nothings more thaen lifesize puppets for him to pass up.
Inside he say a single table set for two for two, and in the seat opposite the empty chair sat her. Morgan swore under his breathe.
She was of breath taking beauty with her blonde hair that was curled inwards at the end. Her blue eyes sparkled with elegance and pride as her skin shone all the love in the universe. She had on a white Victorian era dress and bonnet. In her left hand was a frilly umbrella that seemed a bit too much to Morgan, but he had learned long ago to not take anything in the Dream Dimension for granted. "Kim..." he said with a weakened voice. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in the Waking World!" he asked with dubious energy as she calmly reasted the teacup in her hand on the table. "Im still there, just as your body is still here." "That makes no sense!" "Does anything these days?" she looked directly into his green eyes, and traced a path with her eyes around his face. Morgan had long ago shed his mortal foil to help with the problems in the Dream Dimension, he had attained scars all over his body and the darkness in his eyes showed that he had seen things no sane man could come back from."What are you doing here?" Kim asked, her voice still as sweet as honey, but it held some assertiveness that the Lost Wolf had forgotten about. He paused, his mind wandered for all the possible answers he could give her, he wasnt even sure himself anymore. What was he doing here? Why had he given up his physical body for the problems of the Dream Dimension. "I-" he started, but she gently shushed him. Come and sit with me, we have a lot to catch up on." Morgan shook his head, he still carried the scars from when the two had barely exchanged more than a few words, even then it was a half hearted attempt on Morgans part to convey the longing he desperately wanted to relieve himself of. "No, I-I-I cant, Ive got things I need to do... besides, you still scare me Kim. I know thats not something I want to say, but its still true. I was a coward for what I did to you-" "And what was that? You wrote blogs about me, about your longing, about your deepest emotional toils for every one to see what they wanted, and yet-" "Please stop."
"Stop what?" Kim asked curtly. There was nothing pleasant in her voice, nothing that Morgan wanted to hear from this woman that had tried to kill him previously.
"That's in the-"
"The past? Morgan, you have to deal with this sooner or later, you can't keep the hurt inside of you any longer! It's literally tearing Existence apart! Do you even know the impact that your actions have against the Golden Strands!?" she rose up instantly, strolled over to the Human, and slammed her fist into his face. He didn't even register the hit, didn't feel the impact, he didn't even notice the tears that were slowly welling up in both of their eyes.
"You betrayed me."