The black and yellow crystal the size of a bowling ball slammed into Antimo's face, shattering upon impact, and knocking a few teeth loose as well.

"What the flying Hell was that!?" Antimo asked while in some serious pain. Nordafet was laughing his **** off when Tsan's fragment crystal, now the size of a Hypergiant, drew him into the outer most reaches of the galaxy.

"Umagawdwhathafugisthat!?" Nordafet stammered in complete and utter terror. His terror was made more so when he was slammed into the surface of the crystalline Hypergiant. on the inside, Nordafet was drawn into the middle of the structure and heard the distant sound of trillions of hundred barrel gatling guns shooting off tiny nukes.

"Well, that's so cute!" Nordafet said with the wonder and joy of a child on Christmas morning. But soon, that joy was turned into a traumatizing deathblow to his being, when he realized that an infinite number of nukes were heading towards his exact location.

"****, ****, ****, ****! ****! **** **** **** ****! I've got to get the-" his sentence was cut short when the first one slammed into him, then ten more, twenty more after that, and seven thousand after that, unleashing trillions of metric quadratic tons of pressure onto his being.  The Fragment of Reality laughed in a constant barrage of joy and fear. After all, he didn't want to kill off his potential new home, and at the same time, he wanted to see what Nordafet was truly made of.

'Come on! Fight back Deom!' Tsan thought to the person trapped inside the insane levels of pressure.  Nordafet, getting tired from trying to hold his form together, simply decided to split in half and gather the energy into himself.

"Damn it! Can't believe it's come to this! I hope the Deom Lords can forgive me for this, but I'm in desperate need of help!"  the Deom's top half formed a giant tennis racket and slammed the next thousand nukes back to the Tupac clones.

The Tupac clones then released several postmortem albums, in which they are all subsequently blown up by their own nukes. Not surprisingly, it was deathly contraversial, full of swear words that even by today's standards were more evil than two hump back whale on the Larry King Live show. The crystalline structure absorbed the energy released by the Tupac clones do rags and focused it into a being of such mind boggling size, that even Nordafet had tried to solve this with mathematics. He failed miserably when the being returned his test with a score of one.

"How the **** did this happen!? I was sure I got a full nights rest and early mornings cram session in!" he exclaimed angrily as a familiar face popped right next to him. Antimo sighed, looked over at Nordafet, face still full of broken crystal shards, smiled a big toothy grin, and laughed.

"HA!" Antimo was then kicked in the crotch by the red dwarf sized being.

 "Oh... that stung." Nordafet smiled. He thought long and hard about his current predicament as the nukes now attacked Antimo because he didnt pay them his rent on time.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Nordafet exclaimed as he raised a hand in protest. "I've got three questions! One! Who the **** are you!? Two, why have you just outright attacked me!? Three? Do you know of a funny little guy with a preacher's collar, a bible in one hand, and a shitload of Greek alphabet named Fragments?" 

The red dwarf sized being shrunk down to the height of a three year old boy. Nordafet couldn't help but try the airplane game on it.

"And up we go! And up we go! Who's my little monster!?" he asked with a jubilant smile on his face. He was answered with a right fist through the jaw. the jaw then stabbed itself into Antimo's right eye ball.

"HEY! I'M WATCHING SOMETHING HERE!" he roared as he simply plucked the bone out and tossed it back to his friend.

The three year old sized being answered Nordafet's questions as it pooped onto his feet.

'Oh.... no he didn't... UGH! IT SMELLS LIKE HOW I FEEL ON MONDAYS!' he thought to no one in particular disgust.

The being spoke as it put on a sailor suit. "Number one, I am the Fragment known as Tsan, within me resides half the awesome power of the Fragments of Reality." Antimo's ears pricked up when he heard this, and while taking out the bowling ball shards from his face, "So where's the... other... half?" he was answered when the shards in his hand combined and formed a tiny pink version of Megatron.

"Yo. Name's Heta. You my bitch, Bitch." she said without much enthusiasm.

"Wow... was totally expecting you to be... bigger." he chuckled. "You're kinda cute!"

"Gimme my nanners, Bitch!" Antimo got her her nanners while muttering under his breath.

"Ok... we got that much. So answer the other two questions already." Nordafet commanded Tsan, who was now in a tiny cowboy outfit complete with plastic six shooters.

"Alex? Yes... we knew of him. Unfortunatley, he perished when he trespassed upon the Forest of Not Very Nice Things."

Nordafet was curious. "So... what was the place like?"

 "Not very nice." Tsan answered him, now in a bumblebee costume and face paint.

"And the things in said Forest?" nordafet queeried,

"Also... not very nice."

"So let me get this straight, there is a Forest, where the scenery is not very nice."

 "Correct."

"And the things inside the Forest that's not very nice, aren't very nice either. Correct?"

"Yes."

Nordafet paused, and thought up something that just had to be nice. "Are there sugar cookies?"

Tsan thought for a moment. "Yes."

"Are they good?"

"Good? Yeah. But, they aren't very nice." Antimo couldn't stop cracking up until Heta ordered him to get more nanners. Nordafet shrugged his shoulders and decided to test Tsan again.

"So... there is a Forest, which isn't very nice, and inside that not very nice Forest, there are not very nice things. But there are sugar cookies which are good, but they still aren't very nice."

"Pretty much in the namesake."

"I see..." Nordafet grumbled.

Antimo threw the nanners away. Heta wasn't very pleased with him. "So what about the third question?"

 Tsan sighed. "We decided to divide up our forces to better help Morgan and everyone else."

 "Predictable..."

"WHERE... THE ****... ARE... MY ****... NANNERS... BITCH!?"

Morgan awoke to the sounds of three giant Glenn Becks, jovially rolling down a hill of dung while retracting his statements about Obama being a racist.

"I can't identify with those comments Mr. Wallace! Mow my lawn you lousy brat!" he screamed with an almost insane degree of happiness. Morgan, on the other hand, had just woke up from a long night of arguing with Alpha and Omega about their Anti-Chasm stratagem.

"I just don't get how they have that much **** energy left." he muttered under his breath as he set his four foot mug of boiling lava like coffee down on a the Corrupt Ant Mayor who was muttering a similar thing, and setting his drop of morning dew on the Corrupt Dustmite Mayor.

"I really hate you... and how the **** did you survive!?" he asked angrily as Alvin, Theodore, Bruce Willis and Butters re-enacted famous scenes from "Something about Maradith" Morgan thought it was way too early to be dealing with this. In fact, ever since the Fragments of Reality had bonded with him, Kim, Nordafet, and Antimo, strange things had been happening more often then not.

He couldn't really get a bearing of where he was, not that it actually mattered to him, because there was bound to be a fight over something stupid sooner or later. It appeared as if the horridly robotic and emotionally challenged Julie Chen bot 5000 had taken them back to the Big Brother house. Morgan blinked again as the millions of mirrors reflected the insanely bright stage lights he was using to cook his eggs with.

"****." was all he said before he noticed a cruise missile sized thing heading straight towards him.

"Double ****." he muttered as the object ran out of fuel before slamming into the ground.

"Aneeh Arhem, please report to the dairy room, you need to be hooked up to milk pump number fifteen... again." a bored, angst filled, monotone voice shouted with a perverted sense of justice.

"Triple ****."  Morgan exclaimed as he stretched his arms in a bit of annoyance and turned around, only to realize that Joseph and Joshua Arhem were sitting at the table across from him reading the paper. "Um... what?"

Joshua looked up and waved casually before explaining what had happened.

"In short, the Chen kicked both the Door and the Chasm's asses, took out almost an infinite amount of universes, and than cloned a bunch of hick versions of what a bastard child between Glenn Beck and Jabba the Hut might look like." Joseph yawned and looked very bored. "After which the Glenn/Jabba children munched away at whatever energy we had when we punched them in the face, and... well... that's how we wound up here. You want to know the hilarious part of it all?" Joshua asked Morgan, who was trying desperately to understand how he couldn't just punch these two in the head. "Aneeh's going insane in here, usually she out and about killing off my immortal brother here in very unusual ways."

"**** times five." Morgan stated while Kim walked out of the HOH room holding three machine guns, four doilies, and a rubber duck. The three men in the kitchen looked up at her with a questionable sneer.

 "Target practice." she said simply as the brown haired woman jumped from the second story to the first, making the tiny corrupt ant mayor **** larvae out his thorax.

 "So, what the Hell is happening to the Chasm in the mean time?" Reason said as he took over Morgans body, "Because I sure as Hell would like to know why someone keeps telling me to stop that whenever I scratch myself." Joseph and Joshua yawned as Aneeh came out of the dairy room with two milk pumps attached to her breasts.

 "They took my weapons. And I have to provide several tons of milks a day. This is ****!" she complained.

"You know what?" Nordafet said as he stuck his head out of the cabana room, "I am seriously enjoying not having to fight you. That and hearing Heta telling Antimo to get her more nanners and calling him a bitchwig every ten seconds-"

"BITCHWIG!"

"See? The fun never stops!"  he giggled as he disappeared back into his room.

"What?" Kim sighed as the house became transparent and blew up, transporting all of the Houseguests to legoland.

"I'm not enjoying this anymore." Antimo said as he mashed up bananas in a Tweety Bird sippy cup.

"Good morning Houseguests! Today, you will battle to the death!" Morgan perked up when he heard the words battle, morning, death, sippy cup, bitchwig, and Chen bot.

"Swee-"

"With cotton balls, Peeps, and a single wet noodle that's still brittle."

"**** times six." he mumbled under his breath.

Antimo and Nordafet were trying to get Tsan and Heta to jump through a tiny hoop of fire when a thought occurred to the Doem.

"So... where the **** is Barney Fife? Isn't he supposed to-"

 "BITCHWIG!"

"Be fighting the insurmountable odds of improbability and Swedish sex starved twins?"

 Antimo giggled with glee, while at the same time spilling Heta's order of nanners. "I hope so, this not fighting crap is bugging the **** out of me!" he growled, when the bored monotone voice of the house interrupted their peace and quiet.

"The tournament prelims are as follows  Round one: Morgan Gavin against Kim Yellik, Round two: Nordafet Deomski against Antimo Nivag, Round three: Aneeh Arhem against the corrupt Ant Mayor, Round four: Joseph Arhem against the corrupt Dustmite Mayor, and Round five: Joshua Arhem against Mechabeck. You will each fight to the death, do not underestimate your opponents, likewise, do not over estimate them either. That is all."

There was an awkward silence in the Legoland entrance as each match up was lead to a different themed part of the amusement park. Morgan and Kim went to the pirate themed water park, Nordafet and Antimo were lead to the Marx Brothers diner,  Aneeh and the Ant Mayor traveled to the Twilight movie set where filming was taking place, Joshua and Mechabeck jogged to Glenn Becks trial for crimes against Existence while bad violin recitals played in their ears, Joseph and the Dustmite Mayor walked to a Dance Dance Revolution tournament. Each knew the stakes were high, each wanted to win a lifetime's supply of mayo that expired two years earlier and was now running for Kim Jong Ils replacement.

In the darkness of their minds, cockroach fights played in their childhood memories, and for a single instant, they all upchucked their insides outside their bodies.

"I'm not going to enjoy this one bit Kim." Morgan said in a hyperactive, uber cheerful voice that epicly betrayed his words. Kim on the other hand, was preparing herself mentally for the fight ahead while Sho was installing all of the possible combos in her mind.

'So just remember to call out anything you want and **** will just happen.' the Fragment lazily shouted while wearing a hardhat made of loft, pliable, heroin soaked leather.

"Just like everything else in this **** place..."

 "Pretty much." the Fragment replied, satisfied that in the four minutes she had been with Kim, the Human had learned everything she needed to.

The bored house's voice rang over the loud speaker. "Round one will be staged... set in the pirate Lego town of Shock n Block. Begin! To the death! Your battle must be!" Morgan was annoyed at the house voice.

"SHUT THE **** UP ALREADY!" he yelled out loud as Kim was already on the attack.

"Sho, Psi, Rho!" she called out as blade of green hardened emeralds shot out of her fingertips to a length of ten feet.

"What's all this now!?" Morgan whispered as a green bladder filled with the stink juice of ten million ants washed over him. "Um... ouch?"

"Fight me asshat!" she shouted with a renewed vigor, hoping to finally punish Morgan with out Caasi's interference.

"You, are very pushy! But I will comply if you wish me to, ?tisuto b?ch? risan kazoku saikai no rendaringu!" he called out while red fur covered his body  and black obsidian claws extended from his elbows, palms, shoulders, knees, and heels. "Guess what? You just rolled into the pain train, and I'm it's conductor!" Morgan said in a quickly lowering voice.

The two clashed as the Lost Wolf's hidden power slammed against Kim's stone hard defenses.

"Remember this feeling of helplessness?" Kim said as she flicked the Lost Wolf in his nose, unclogging a much needed airway while slamming him into a member of MENSA's rendering of New York cities red light district.

"Hey, this 'aint pirate themed... Oh! I get it now! 4 Kazenokami no tsume j?!" the black claws shot from his palms, drilling though Kim's enlarged Popeye like forearms.

"Right... this could go on for a while! I have some interesting news from my master, the God of Terror!" Morgan froze long enough for the claws to nail his feet in place.

"I defeated that clown haired buffoon once, and I'll do it again!"

 "Fool! That clown haired idiot has evolved beyond his need of rainbow colored wigs and Paris Hilton themed hair products!" Kim shouted as she unleashed another combo, "Rho, Chi, Nu, Xi!" instantly a park beck appeared directly in front of Morgan, and then the Gideons flocked over to him, only the Gideon's were fifty year old men with nail bats, chainsaws, Whoopi Goldberg albums, and other things of the greatest destruction.

"Lord help me as I- Shi o atsukau sum?fu no ansatsu-sha!" the old men were greeted by a well dressed, Valure wearing, Brainy Smurf with a tiny suitcase.

"Yo, yous got a problem with Papa Smurf? Papa Smurf gives his regards to the boys in da retirement home. I'll kills you in the face!"

Morgan was surprised when the suitcase transformed into a three foot tall Mecha with the latest in mushroom cap shielding, fungal plated frame, and ant juice oiled joints.

"OH YEAH, KILL THEM A-" no sooner had Brainy Smurf turned to Morgan to give him a thumbs up did the grumpy old men bash, slash, and stab him in the head, splattering a deep blue wave of tiny Smurf blood onto him.

He was officialy screaming so hard he wet himself.

"Sho, Rho, Mu, Psi!" Kim shouted as Lego men and women clacked for their lives, their smiles hid the terror they were experiencing by only a small margin. Kim summoned up five trillion Doxies flying F16s, which made Morgan wonder how tiny dogs could see over the dashboard and pilot a multi-billion dollar fighter jet. But then he  was distracted by their adorable eyes and let his guard down.

 "THEY'RE SO **** CUTE!" he shouted as all of them let loose enough firepower to really overcook a smore by a lot. The missiles passed by Morgan who had somehow grown a glow in the dark afro. "I..." he started while striking a pose, "Am the mighty and powerful Afroman! fear my poofiness! POOFINESS!" Morgan crowed as a ten mile wide ping pong paddle attached to a metal claw swatted the missiles back towards the trembling doxies. "I CAN'T WATCH!" luckily, the tiny dogs whizzed on the eject button and were sent somewhere safe.

But they realized the horrid truth.

All five billion Doxies had wound up at a terrifyingly fat woman's house, where she dressed all her dogs in frilly pink outfits and named them Nicole Bitchy. Back in Lego land, Morgan was busy bashing Kim into the ground with his Afro turned massively over sized duck tail. "Now feel the wrath of one who knows the power of dreams!" the Lost Wolf crowed as he created a black hole out of thin air and punched it. Kim laughed in confidence, thinking the black hole would swallow him up, instead, three hundred white holes opened up and she was instantly punched in every available space on her body.

 "Chi, Psi, Phi! Rho, Sho, Mu, Nu!" she flung out each of her arms and unleashed a horde of Joan Rivers.

"Oh! Gawd! That hair is worse then the Emmy's last night!" Joan said as she pulled a pin from the back of her head, and instantly, she became a man of such extreme ugliness, that Morgan took her out back and put her down like Old Yeller.

He walked back in blue overalls, a cowboy hat, and a farmers tan with a shotgun slung over his shoulder.

"Had to be done, she was getting on in age." he said silently as he walked past Kim.

"Enough of this... tell me... why do you fight me?"

 Morgan stopped, 'That is a good question. I have not one good answer.' he thought to himself as he continued walking towards the door.

 "Answer me!" she urged him. Morgan still said nothing for a few seconds and then stopped.

"Well, we don't have a choice. We continue to fight for what we believe in, or survival, or to invade, or to protect... in the end, its all just a pissing contest between two people. Speaking of which! Seishin sh?ben k?geki." he brought his hands to his temples, and Kim wet herself.

"Me personally, I just like the feel of growing more powerful. you and I both know that the Door and Chasm can't be destroyed forever, even now both sides are simply rebuilding their name sakes."

This caught kim off guard, "You mean their just like sexual predators, waiting for their next chance to sexually assault some poor fellow in the hat?"  Morgan was too busy getting his next attack in order to pay attention to the Hungarian bodybuilder sidling up behind him. He only found out too late, when she shouted the one word he would forever grow to hate.

"Onglyza!"

"Ongly- ****!" he shouted as the bodybuilder forcefully gave him a suppository up to his elbow.

"Why god!? Why!?" the Lost Wolf shouted as he ran away from his opponents new best friend. Kim smiled, and new that he would simply give in from this point on.

"Okay... you want to play it that way? I'll play then, YOUR MONTHLY GIFT!" Morgan smiled widely as she instantly received a cramped, bloated feeling and had to sit down.

"Okay... I forfeit!"

"Damn straight you do!"