Aneeh screamed with rage as her brother, Joshua dodged another of the missiles. Even though he was chained, duct taped, stitched, cemented, plastered, super glued, embedded and pummeled into the wall, and she had the barrel pointed three inches inside his rib cage, she missed. She sighed and brushed a strand of hair out of her face and tried once more. Her brother had been difficult ever since the Door and the Chasm had frozen the Dimension between Dimensions, she was twenty five by this point, and at last count, Joshua was twenty six when he died. She couldn't take the stupidity of the situation anymore.
"
I said, stand still! Gil?sa g?nd?? k? ?m?kh?? pan?ca ???a!" she roared with as much fury as the five foot six inch Indian woman could muster. Her hands turned to razors as she smashed through Joshua's head, his eyes turning to glass and shattering from the impact. She knew he was immortal, she knew the wounds would just heal up. But to her, it was the action of hurting her brother violently that satisfied her.
"Aneeh, you really are taking this was a block of acid aren't you? The Chasm knows what its doing, after all, it gave me the ability to withstand your homicidal rage, and you the ability to kill mne ten times before I hit the floor. So lets talk about this?" Joshua said sternly. He couldn't be bothered by the Door or the Chasm's meandering till he knew exactly why the two enemies had frozen their battle the way they did. Perhaps it had something to do with Morgan's group interfering with the grand scheme of the Chasm. "Morgan might be able to help you again, after all, aren't you endebted to him?" Aneeh gave her brother two slaps with a razor wire covered mallet across the face, shredding off his cheeks in the process. "Or should I say... the original Aneeh... you're nothing more than a clone of her, born from desperation." Aneeh raged as she planted a fist in his rib cage, the pain unbearable to Joshua, but he showed no signs of letting his little sister's creation become his new tormentor. "If she were still alive, she would team up and form and temporary alliance with the Lost Wolf."
"I'm not that bitch's slave!" she roared and twisted her hand slightly, punching even hard and snapping his spinal cord.
"It's the only choice you have at the moment I'm afraid." Joshua said with a hint of concern.
Morgan was on The Fat Bunter, while Antimo was on The Grim, both massive space arks, filled to the brim with the lost souls of the comatose who had finally given in to the endless temptation of sleeping death. Their mission at the moment was to find the Deom Realm, where trillions of slumbering Deom rested, waiting for their moment to shine. Morgan couldn't help but think back to the grassy hills during the thunderingly stormy night when he and sarah teamed up to bring the Beast down. In the end he had paid a dear price for the safety of the people he was trying to save.
"sarah della rose.." he whispered silently to himself as both arks came to stop light.
The stop light in comparison to the arks, was about the size of an single LED bulb put next to the Moon. How Antimo knew it was a stop light, and not just some drunk's very bright parachute pants, Morgan never figured out. He heard the blast furnaces rev in The Grim, and looked out the window into the vast amount of windows in the ark next to him to see that two teens were trying, and failing, to moon him. he pushed the intercom button.
"Attention the grim, more specifically, window number 573,821..." the sound systems on the arks had five million Bose speakers between the two of them, so he knew they could hear the message, "Go to your corner. Go!"
This seemed to do the trick. A second later the landscape had changed around them from two space arks in the middle of a very big patch of space, stopped in front of a tiny stop light, onto a gyroscopic system of fifteen Ringworlds, each a good ten to fifty miles above the next, with the smallest revolving around Jimmy Stewart's sense of self. Morgan theorized, that if Jimmy Stewart's sense of self were replaced by Carrot Tops backback, than the orbit of the Ringworlds would stabalize around the enormous amount of crap that was stuffed in it.
"Wow..." Nordafet started,
"What the
**** have we..." Antimo continued,
"Gotten outrself into," Morgan continued,
"This time?"
There was a slight pause, a moment of interesting wierdness where Morgan, Antimo, and Nordafet looked directly into the eyes of the Bloody Strands, the Golden Strands, and the Black Syrup.
"Wow... this is
**** awkward as Hell. You know what's going on?" the Black Syrup stated as it morphed into Resaec. "Because we were still trying out new ways of destroying and consuming things."
Morgan was peeved. Not because the Golden Strands was right in front of him, not even because his former wife stood before him as well. It was simply how laid back the Black Syrup was.
"Not really... as far as we know, the Door of Existence and the Chasm of Non-existence literally slowed father time down to a crawl. The battle between the two seems to have stopped for now from our perspective, but it still continues on as if nothing ever happened." the Deom explained, pulling a piece of his chest out and swiveling the screen in what Antimo could only describe as the most epic titty twister. "You see, its all right here on the Door's Twitter updates." the Golden Strands walked over to Morgan, the twisted, knotted, seemingly Escher like continuity from one limb to another was godlike.
"Let me assume a form that is more easily expressive for you, Lost Wolf." for some odd reason, the Golden Strands chose the one thing that Morgan loathed beyond the scope of loathing. Barney the slightly purple dinosaur in a red track suit. "Yeah, its all there Deom." the Golden Strands stated in a calm fashion. Morgan couldn't help but place his hand inside its body through what looked like a cross between two ballerinas and Ron Jeremy.
"Where's the rest of you?"
The Bloody Strands nervously stepped forward, her eyes a distict shade of light pink. She changed to her former body, the one he most recognized as his wife. Antimo stepped forward, blocking her from seeing him.
"Caasi..." he stated without flinching. "You should think before speaking to Morgan, he's been through a lot." she nodded as he led her away from the group. "So where is the rest of you?" he asked calmly as they planted themselves in a grove of trees just thirty feet away.
"Well, I should suppose that since my transformation into whatever I am, I've grown fourteen times bigger than the Golden Strands, and currently, a infinite number of peices of me are currently holding him in check. We've come to a understanding about how we utilize our abilities."
"So... no more consuming planets, wiping out Existence, and trying to burn omelets?" antimo asked curiously. caasi giggled a little.
"You and Morgan have the same charms, you know that?"
It blushed a little. "Well, we are essentially the same thing. Anyways, we should get back to the group, I never know whats going to happen next-"
The scenery changed again as the Ringworlds suddenly activated, the massive oddly formed planets swooped over, under, through, and around each other, as Jimmy Stewart's sense of self dissapated, and was promptly replaces by what Morgan seriously hoped was Carrot Top's back pack.
To his horror, it was not.
Nor, it turned out, was it a Tickle Me Elmo doll, or a lawn gnome, or a tapestry on the history of pocket lint.
"Deshalb Hallo! Meine alten Freunde, Pflege in meiner Produktionen der Schönheit teilhabenund der Fürst der langen Hörnern?" the Golden Strands sent a probe up to investigate. Antimo looked up in wonderment and terrifying visions of uncomfortable tights and copies of Vogue.
"No way..." Nordafet stuttered in utter disbelief.
"Why now!?" Antimo screamed.
"Mother ****!" Morgan raged.
"Oh... its the Demon Director. I wonder how he survived that beating that Mechafonzy gave him?" the Black Syrup yawned in boredom.
The probe the Golden Strands sent came back, crying his single robotic eye out as half of its body seemed covered in scripts, costume fitting Demons, and a poorly written phone number with a lipstick smudge.
"Well?"
"It was terrifying! That's Linheber Ed, the Demon Director of the Fifth Street Theatre group!" the probe screamed as it sank into the Golden Strands huge maw.
"I am your own sin, released to redeem you... against my will." Linheber stated coldly.
"I am forced to admire a wiseman, creator, and destroyer of me, whose only skill... is the pain in the heart of me." the Bloody Strands replied.
"My only friend prefers to laugh at a simple pain, and uses sympathy as nurishment... Along side a breakfast tray of popularity." Linheber continued as Morgan was wondering what the **** was going on.
The Black Strands continued with out hesitation or remorse. "My mother's name is Pain, she has given birth to me, and if I were happy, I would not be Gabriella." the slurping noises from within covered his own discomfort of the Director's last visit to him.
Linheber continued excited to complete his opening act. "A lost name is a forgotten identity, mine of which I hope not to remember."
It was Antimo's turn now, confusing even Morgan, who had thought it just wanting to consume and excrete destruction. "My soul has been locked away in a garden with out me, along with the soul that kept the key, that was stolen from me, to turn against me."
Linheber smiled, and created a clone of himself from two passing teacup poodles and a toad. after which he flung it downwards with a simple flick. The result of said flick created several mushroom clouds of force.
"Good to see you all again. Sorry for the haikus, but it was the only real way for me to know if it was safe to relate to you the news." Nordafet stepped a little closer to the clone, noting that if it indeed resembled Linheber Ed in any way, it was the clown frill on the toad's left back leg.
"Yeah... right. Anyways, what the Hell happened to you? We saw your mangled corpse get flatout crushed by Mechafonzies massive foot!" the Demon Directors creation shat out a key which got stuck, and had the comical effect of rubbing its butt in a mile wide swathe of farts and poodle fur. Finally, the key came out and landed in the Human's hands.
"The news I bring to you, I'll get to the mecha... thing later, is that the Door and Chasm froze the battle not to prevent one's victory over the other, but to give a much more powerful common enemy such A universe sized beating, that they would never return."
Antimo and Caasi stepped away from the uninteresting events, but it was their mistake. The scenery changed from the grassy Ringworld, to the central hub of the Multiverse and the Multiexistence screens. There must have been at least five screens by Caasis count. The four displayed petabytes of information in the guise of a Italian bistro's security cameras, while the central screen displayed a five billion glass jars filled with the eyes of something quite hideous.
"Who are you!?" a tiny man in a ten foot tall texas style belt buckle asked happily.
"My names Antimo, and this is Caasi, otherwise known as the Bloody Strands."
"Is that a type of tampon?"
"No."
"Good, I dont use tampons cause I'm a guy!"
Caasi couldn't help wondering if he'd ever heard of a woman, but then decided it would probably just be a waste of time.
"Where are we? What are you? And what the flying Hell is that?!" Antimo cut to the chase.
"Well, this here is the center of everything, that there... is what I'm considering calling Pappy. though its pretty damned evil, and I... I'm God..." God said in a whimsical tone.
"You... are God?" Caasi squinted her eyes in disbelief.
"Yep. I left Heaven in charge of some person calling himself Barrick Ovalteen."
Antimo squinted even harder. "You mean Barrack Obama?"
"Yeah! That's the guy, pretty nice actually."
Caasi opened her mouth several times in the course of seconds while God looked at the duo happily.
"You know, I've been watching your whole Teams exploits, and I gotta say... You..."
Antimo still couldn't believe it was God. Not this short man in a giant hat who looked more like an overly suspicious John Lovitz,
"Keep doing what you're doing. It'll sort itself out eventually. By the way, Antimo?" God called the construct over to his uncomfortable looking, severely beat up, stitched together recliner. "Yes?"
"I'm giving you a major upgrade. Your long evolutionary journey to this point has put some serious thought into my head about how best to deal with the Arhem trio."
"What? You know-"
"Of course I know! I'm **** God! I'm omnipotent! I know all, see all, hear all, experience all, and eat at the most unforgiving places! The arhems, Aneeh, Joseph, and the eldest, Joshua, have been plotting something for the past several months. Unfortunately, they have sided with my neighbor Satan. Really interesting character, one of my best Angels until... Well, you know."
Antimo shurgged at God, knowing that this was either something twisted from the Dimensions laws of Crackhead Physics, or this was the real thing. Caasi on the other hand, just Tweeted that she really did meet God, and attached a picture of him. She also tweeted that he was missing the robe, and that Barrack Obama was in charge of Heaven.
Linheber Ed looked at Antimo with a slight sense of bewilderment and anxiety.
"I..." he started slowly sounding out the words with his fingers before expelling them outward, "must have you in my next production!" several things happened at once, the first being the sound of Antimo's hand hitting his forehead in slight terror, the next being Linheber's crease in his jeans suddenly springing into a very badly rehearsed version of 'The King and I' if it had been done by a bunch of toothpicks.
"How dreadful," the gravitational hold of the Ringworlds said sadly, "I shall have to rewrite, recast, and redesign the whole affair." Antimo remembered this part of Linheber very brightly.
"So... the Singolarita Dimensionale was destroyed, havoc like, by the Golden Strands?" Linheber yawned with a sense of fattitude. The Golden Strands did not like the assumption that it had acted alone.
"There was more of me! Get your facts straight!"
Linheber laughed, and three of the Ringworlds collided with each other, but simply bounced back into there orbit. "Does it actually matter how many of the same person was there? I mean, if I were to say that I had a clone, and we robbed a bank, but I blamed it on the clone, they would arrest both of me, because we were the same person. Don't be stupid." there was a general dislike in his voice. And after a moments thought, he continued. "You know what Antimo?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't like your design."
"I do! It suits me!"
"Well I don't, you are now a pink Snickerdoodle."
"What? Why am I now a giant toonish cookie?" that was a very good and reasonable question.
Morgan remembered the positively deathly threat Linheber posed to them all. Linheber had the ability to change anything and everything he wanted to without a seconds thought, Morgan remembered the people on the western themed planet, how they all had blank, writhing ink splotches all over their bodies, and had no choice but to endure whatever demented orders Linheber gave them.
"Hey, Fatass." Nordafet barked.
Linheber looked thrilled that maybe his day hadn't turned out so bad. "What is your question... inkblot?"
Nordafet became irked. "Whatever happened to all those people you had under your control?"
Ed blinked, and then rolled his dark red eyes a few times in deep thought. "I didn't like the production at all and had them rip their own skulls from their bodies."
"Eep."
"I didn't like they way they did it, but they wouldn't listen to me a second time."
morgan smacked nordafet. "Maybe BECAUSE THEY WERE DEAD?" the bloody strands shrieked.
"No... they wanted to watch the football game between the Army and a single fluffy rabbit." there was a little bit of tension in Linhebers voice. "Needless to say, the fluffy rabbit ripped the Armies heads clean off their necks and won the Heisman trophy."
"Nice!"
"Not really, they put the poor thing down because it kicked baby Jesus in the head."
'barney fie versus the paperclip, the ringworlds beauty, and the shadows who love them' statistics: (click to read)
