The story so far:
When Morgan had finished whacking Steve Jobs with a tennis racket, he turned his attention back to where Xet and Qoph used to be, and saw with a bit of marginal surprise that two awkwardly dressed penguins, looking for all the world like seven tons of gum in a little girls hair, and decided, along with the Bloody and Golden Strands, that they should brutal attack them with rabbits that had five o’clock shadows armed with rainbows on fire.
"Who art thou!?" the first ugly penguin asked with Arthurian tones, that was before he squawked, rolled around in a pile of sophisticated dirt, and then shot himself in the foot with a rake.
There was no mistaking it, the group had come across the much talked about and rightly feared Penguin brothers. Known mainly for talking like King Arthur, then shooting themselves in the feet with rakes. After which they would sell people useless items, like belly button lint and dirty dish soap. Morgan felt a little weird and then looked up, and felt some Hope. And in turn, Hope smacked the crap out of him.
'Ouch.' Nordafet laughed as the zombie Legomen continued their awkward and trip filled walk. Steve Jobs walked to a nearby podium and shouted into it happily, "And now introducing our new app for the iFinger, 'Lego Night of the living dead! Now you’ll always find a farm house when-" "Belysning wienerbrød angreb: 500.000 dårlige cookies!" came the sound of hopes older brother Slick Cherrick.
Slick zipped through the almost infinite legions of the undead plastic men and punched Steve Jobs in the head so hard that a shockwave spiraled out from behind him.
"Thats not all! Introducing our latest add on to the iFinger! Leg? j?mb? assualt: Bl??u su?ig?li!! now in Tulugu!" a tsunami screamed out of nowhere, accompanied by the now almost vomit inducing smell of melted plastic, as Slick looked up and saw what could only be described as a really big huge **** waving of molten plastic. Morgan bolted to the stage, wanting to ask how he was able to match Steve Jobs strength without the use of sports equipment, "Schwarz Taifun: Blau maga Ketten!" he had forgotten the words to summon his gloved weapon, but he found something better that worked to create a shell that redirected the molten plastic flow in Steves face.
But he wasn‘t done with him, not by a long shot.
"Blitz Tod: Taifun hoch drei!" the human yelled and the huge tower of metal infused plastic become a tower that peirced and twisted around the fabric of Reality, looking more or less like the worlds ugliest peice of linguini.
"Thanks, my name‘s Slick Cherrick! LORD OF THE SUGARY SNACKS!" Morgan instantly hated him, but he could deal with him later.
"Boys, boys, boys... I’m not done with you weaklings yet-"
"Oh yes the **** you are! Any minute now 999 centillion yottawatts of electricity will be funneled into every single nerve ending you have, frying you into a crispy critter that, no, even they wont have an app for!"
"They have an app for-"
"DON‘T YOU DARE EFFING SAY IT!" Morgan screamed atAantimo, but it was too late, as Steve Jobs now had on a pair of rubber underwear.
It did not help in the slightest. The tower was slammed with fourteen times the enrgy of the Big Bang focused into a four foot radius, the plastic bulging from the pressure, like a long balloon being filled with cement and then being dropped one thousand stories. The power was almost rainbow colored as it transitioned with unimaginable beauty which made both Antimo and Nordafet wet themselves in appreciation for classic literature, to a cheap fourth of july experience as Steve was slammed from head to foot in waves of black hole killing pressures. "But... No one can compete with Apple‘s top of the line products!"
Morgan had enough of the black spandex wearing idiot next to him and flung Slick Cherrick into the tower of killing power and watched with mild amusment as the tower collapsed in on itself, and slammed through the ethereal ground into the mysterious and forboding depths below.
"Would you like me to fix your cupcake bo-" Slick‘s panicked and fading scream asked before being silenced forever. Morgan turned away from the goopy mess and and walked silently back to the floating seats of the stadium. There was a bit of confusion as the Penguin brothers squawked and exploded in a flurried panic.
"Yeah... so lets go get the rest of the group together before something even more idiotic happens." the Golden Strands suggested, much to the exhausted delight of the others.
As the group left, the hole left behind simply melted into the Dimension between Dimensions, where a chaotic and stupid huge war was being waged between the ignorant Door of Existence and the corrupt Chasm of Nonexistence. The tower of plastic hardened to a diamond like quality, cracked and splintered into trillions of beige peices held together by the very power that formed it, and split down the middle. Slick Cherrick went to the Chasm, and Steve Jobs went to the Door. Somewhere in the mass of the trillions and trillions of fights being had, Barney Fife, The Puppet King was dealing with a group of repauls drag race contestants. and the worst of it was, they were trying to give him a make over and spa treatment.
"Magia Negro Cadena: Diez Toneladas De Araña Enjambre De Títeres!" Barney Fife commanded without hesitation, as his wooden and metallic chest opened outwards like a desk drawer and fourteen massively intricate tarantula puppets clawed their way out of the ground.
"But your highlights aren’t done yet Honey! YOU NEED MORE HIGHLIGHTS!" a man in a blond wig and a silky dress roared huskily as he was stomped on repeatedly by all fourteen puppets. Barney was zip lined into the smallest and sat in the cockpit while it and the others nested in one another like Russian nesting dolls. The result was a morbidly obese spider on a lazy boy couch with eight trapper keepers attatched to the triggers of sixteen barreled gatling guns.
"Why? COME ON! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE THIS!?" Barney screamed to no one. On the view screens around him, he saw the Lord of the Sugary Snacks covered in blackest lightning, roaring through the Door’s army like it wass nothing. His wings of the shattered undead Legomen cut a swathe of death and destruction, like a slowly moving explosion moving really fast.
"WHO WANTS ME TO FIX THEIR CUPCAKE BOXES!? WHO THE **** WANTS ME TO FIX THEIR GOD DAMNED CUPCAKE BOXES!?" Slick shouted in anger as he spotted the massive construct, and then spotted the weaponry. "YOUR BOX ISN’T GLUED RIGHT! LET ME FIX IT FOR YOU!"
"THEY HAVE AN APP FOR THAT!" Steve Jobs roared back as his many tentacles of the same material created a semi shield and absorbed the attack three fold, engorging his own power by that much. "HURRY! I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HOLD HIM OFF!" Steve roared as Barney Fife hit a button that pushed a lever, that cut a string, that slammed a trigger, that dropped a ball of snot onto a circuit board, that lead to a series of things pushing other things into things until the trapper keepers trigger was pressed, unleashing four million volleys of solid metal that shredded Slick Cherrick’s plastic wings.
"Plast vinger dejen: Tilsat øl beskyttelsesbriller!" the Lord of the Sugary Snacks roared as huge piles of beer and googles cwere slammed against the onslaught but werent enough to hold back the volley of bullets and plastic.
"LOOK, WE NEED TO FINISHED HIM OFF! YOU START THE ATTACK, AND I’LL ADD TO IT THEN I’LL GET THE-" Steve was stopped short when the blood soaked knight in rusted shut armor ripped him in half from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.
"Hmph, he didn’t have an app for that. CARRY ON NOBLE WARRIOR! FINISH THIS PRETENDER OFF AND HELP GET THINGS IN ORDER HERE!" the Knight screamed to the one hundred foot tall morbidly obese spider puppet on a couch. Barney didn’t know he had survived, but liked the way things were going.
"I don’t know who you are, or what your intent is Slick, but I’m going to beat the crap out of you! Magia negro cadena: Doscientos cincuenta mil combinación de éxito!" the spiders unnested one after the other and launched themselves at Slick Cherrick as chunks of wood and metal were taken off by the unimaginably huge swarm of razor sharp peices of plastic. Barney swung his hands around and around as the spiders circled the Lord of the Sugary Snacks. There was a confused calm in the Dimension between Dimensions as both sides took a pause in the battle, except for Anthony Wiener, who was busy texting facebook photo albums of himself to anyone that cared.
This was a destructive and efficient way of ending hundreds of careers. Including his.
Then it began, all fourteen spiders crashed into Slick, legs first, juggling him into the air in a weird and unbelievably coordinated ballet of puppets.
"Fifty thousand!" The Puppet King roared as the blows came in lightning quick and had the impact of bus sized bullets.
"One hundred thousand!" he roared even louder, the spiders quickening the pace of their attacks.
"One hundred fifty thousand!" the fighters of the door and chasm couldnt see the spiders anymore, but a funnel of beige, silver, and hints of red outlined by blue and purple lightning.
"Two hundred thousand!" came the roar of The Puppet King, now moving about in a frenzied pace, the lord of sugary snacks being slammed through and through from all angles, ways Dimensions, Realities, Existences, sound waves, pressure and heat, his very mind unable to keep a bead on anything.
"And finally, TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND!" Barney Fife sang as both the spider puppets and Slick Cherrick seemed to be frozen in time, space and Existence in the normal time flow, but Barney could see each blow landed, each snap of bone, each crack of sound wave. But he wasnt close to being finished yet.
"Magia negro cadena: doscientos cincuenta mil combinación de éxito: el doble de tiempo!" the attack repeated itself, the attackers and attackee seeming to move in reverse from the speed.
"Magia negro cadena: doscientos cincuenta mil combinación de éxito: el tiempo de cuatro!" Barney screamed as small dimensional rifts tore open and more spider puppets joined the attack in progress.
"Magia negro cadena: doscientos cincuenta mil combinación de éxito: ocho veces!" in a split second, billions of spider puppets surrounded the lord of sugary snacks, who was frozen in time, unable to comprehend his own death as hundreds of thousands of blows per millisecond pounded against him, the spiders still moving and attacking, simply slammed one on top of the other, layer by layer by layer, until the combined weight of everything collapsed in on itself till it was the size of a speck of dust.
"Good bye Cherrick." Barney roared and clapped his hands together, the resulting explosion took out one point five billion miles of the two billion mile gap between the Door and the Chasm, greatly reversing the numbers. The Puppet King blacked out from the stresses he put himself through.
The group had simply walked away from witnessing Barney Fife's power grow in the threat of insurmountable odds. It wasn't that they knew where the Puppet King was. It was just they were trying to get the Chasm's rendition of the twisted Existence they were now in fixed. They had only walked a short distance when they heard Slick's final bellows and saw an explosion of light. Nordafet simply shrugged this off as just another random incident in this twisted version of all ten Gardians Realities mixed together. Morgan thought it was kinda funny for a few weeks until they realized what was actually going on. That's when they walked into a decaying and antique malt shop. It was brightly colored in all the flavors of the cotton candy spectrum, filled with 1950's memorabilia that somehow held true to the times back then.
The counters were dented, scratched, gouged, and ripped in places, but the masterfully crafted duct tape cover helped to remind the customers of better days. Morgan, Anitmo, Nordafet and Credion took a booth at the back of the restaurant. The Golden Strands, Caasi, and Reseac sat at the counter, while Caasi enjoyed the spinning of the bolted down stools. Resaec was instantly reluctant to enjoy the perky and happy atmosphere.
"Somethings dreadfully wrong here. It's almost searing, Can't you all hear it!?"
The Golden Strands shook his head lightly. "Resaec, how long has it been since we've had a reprieve from traveling and fighting, being threatened, beaten up, fighting back, taking the blows, and not having any time to recuperate?" it asked while sending a chain of strands to make sure it was safe. "Believe me, now that the Lost Wolf and our goals are aligned, we don't have to count them as enemies anymore."
Morgan had fallen asleep the moment his butt hit the soft, red pleather cushioning, it had been so long since he or any of them had even a minutes rest to themselves and was thankful for the break. Nordafet and Credion felt the same and chatted amongst themselves. Antimo was troubled, though thankful like the rest of them for the seemingly truthful reprieve from the worry and anger that had ridden on all of their backs since both the Door and the Chasm were now working together. He didn't think the malt shop was there as a rest area, but more of trap. 'After all, since the Door and the Chasm are working together, it shouldn't be long before we encounter-'
His thought was interrupted by a smooth and sensual female voice, that was all too familiar.
"Soups on boys and girls, come and get it while its hot!"
"Son of a bitch!" Antimo heard Morgan grumble, realizing the feelings about the owner of the voice seemed almost entirely different that anyone elses.
"Aneeh Arhem?" Resaec said blankly as he poked her in the forhead. Aneeh did nothing but shrug it off.
"Yes. And I know all of you as well. Let's get something straight, a lot of folks."
"Give it a rest Dearest Sister, we just created this place not even five minutes ago, and these ARE our first customers! And thusly, we should treat them as such without hostility or avericious violence! So what'll it be?" another voice, this time male, elegant, and slightly british commented.
"Son of A BITCH!" Morgan grumpily rose and half shouted. "Joshua Arhem... What the **** is going on here!? Don't tell me, your dick of a brother is in the kitchen cooking up burgers and fries right!?"
Both Aneeh and Joshua gave each other sad looks that more or less conveyed what had happened. aneeh was now three months pregnant and had a few grey hairs.
"After the Door and the Chasm started working together, OUR Door and Chasm, everything just slammed together." Joshua began as he passed out menus. It was weird seeing his enemies not trying to kill him, a little off putting. That was put aside when, in a fit of rage, Aneeh Arhem pulled out a long and fearsomely large beveled and bladed chain that she whipped around herself and then slung it at Joshua. The waiter did nothing to avoid the chain. It almost surprised the Deom when he just kept on talking like nothing was happening to him. The chain pierced his back and slammed out his chest, then punched a hole in the wall.
"Oh, Don't get me wrong, that stupid war of theirs is still raging on and on, and I think that Barney Fife fellow is turning the tide against the Chasm. You see, based on what our Dearest Brother Joseph has told us from the front lines-"
Nordafet stopped him right there, "YOUR brother, Joseph Arhem, is on the front lines of the war between the Door of Existence and the Chasm of Nonexistence!? Which side is he on?"
Joshua smiled and held up his finger. "Just a moment." Aneeh yanked the chain hard, launching her immortal brother into a vat of boiling grease. A psychotic grin flashed over Aneehs face as she pulled out a single match, lit and threw it into the boiler. What remained of her brother was a charred corpse in a pillar of the blackest fire.
Instantly, Joshua seemingly grew out of the floor and shook his head free of the tiled paint. "She does that. A lot. Yes, unfortunately, those involved in the war between those two never die for long. You see, the Dimension between Dimensions is the strangest place of all. It is literally, two billion miles of flat uninterupted grassy plain. Complete with bright blue skies, puffy white clouds, and a bright and shiny sun with a creepy face on it. On either side at the very edge of this plain, are the door and the chasm. The Reality being that if you fight for the Door and get killed in the fighting, you go to the Chasm and vice versa." Morgan's ears perked up at the sound of more fighting, but the rest of him went into a coma induced sleep.
"So what your telling me," Antimo clarified, "Is that the war keeps on going till one side over powers the other by sheer numbers. So just how many soldiers fighting are there? Oh, and I'll have the chocolate shake with some french fries, twelve hamburgers, two salads, one pallet of apple pie, and several of your finest monster lobster tails."