day 1, part one.
happy bits, of the bits n peices corperation, was istting in his office one day when he recieved a strange phone call form his dead father, wondering where he had been the past fourteen years. "ive been raping women, pillaging houses, and working for enron." he said with out a carei n the world. then all of a sudden, three pronged tentacles came out of the reciever and dove straight into his nose. "AH **** ME!" he screamed in pain as the tenticles started to twirl violently in his nasal cavity, severing arteries and breaking the cartelidge in his nose. happy was bleeding all over the place when his battered, abused, and violently unstable wife, meggo appeared with a butcher knife in hand. "YOUVE BEEN CHEATING ON ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!" screamed as he flailed about with the tenticles violently raping his brian.
"OH GOD! MY CHILDHOOD! MY FATHER RAPED MY POOR LITTLE ****!" he screamed as the blood shot out of his nose and on to meggos blouse, triggering a psychotic set of flash backs where she brutally murdered the last man she was with because she sneezed and he didnt bless her. "YOU SON OF A BITCH! IM GOING TO **** URDER YOU!" she screamed yet again, causing the tenticles to writh even faster and eeper into his body, eventually ending up in his lower instestines where they shot out wards, causing even more sprays of blood and guts.
"HOW CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE!?" happy yelled, angry that his versache tweed jacket was covered in bright red glistening blood. "were here about a cheating husband?" a voice said in a quirky kinda of fashion. happy looked up to see a demented looking bob saget screaming wildly with his genitals on fire, wearing a hockey mask and beating on a thirteen year old olsen twin. "OH GOD NO..." he moaned as the tenticles ripped him a new one while theo ld wounds mysteriously healed them selves. meggos lobbed the butcher knife straight through happys head, the eyes now discoordinated, fell out of their sockets while the demented bob saget and the whored out olsen twin set about eating his flesh.
and then the alarm rang, waking him up. happy was up in a flash, his brow wet with sweat as he smelled something, not quite becoming at all. "i didnt do what i think i did... did i?" his guess was right to his dismay as there was a puddle of urine on his plastic sheets, and in the center of the piss was a glowing green pile of crap the size of a buick. "well, i dont want the misses to find out about this, as shell get out the 'drildo baggins' and do me while i wear a clown wig with a speaky nose." so he set about eating the pile of crpa, making sure to chew it slowly in drawn out bites, and then sipped the piss through a silly straw, making sure to taste the flavors of the bitter dark yellow liquid, mixing with the vile ordors and deathly ill taste of his own crap.
his wife, meggos came into the room with the 'drildo baggins' angry at his attempt to hide his mess. "did you have the dream again?" she asked sweetly before smashing his face in with a tire iron, then pullingo ut a box cutter, carved "i like to eat a box of dicks" into his forehead, while occasionaly jamming it into his eyeballs and twisting hard. "you forgot to pay the bills you little bitch." she said in a slow and smooth tone of voice, his screams of pain falling silent on her hears as she poured iodine into his freshly made wounds.
"instead of the drilldo, im going to force you to deep throat donkey cock. would you like that?" meggos said in a forceful tone that happy just knew he had not choice. his eyes healed them selves, but still had that stinging feeling in them. he bent over the desk as she led the donkey punch into the room where it proceed to shove the five foot cock down his throat, stretching out the skin because it was so massive.
"have you learned your lesson yet?"