The story so far:
The Big Brother compound, Nordafet had discovered while scouting around, was quite impressive and ambitious for a simple reality show. The Existence they were currently in wasn't filled with dark matter energy as was the custom in many other Existences. No, rather, the space here was a constantly changing rainbow of every imaginable color, the hues themselves changed once every other hour and sometimes there were pictures to accompany the changes as well. The compound itself was a flat spacing of land some ten thousand miles in width, height and length. Except for a small two mile radius directly in the center, the whole space of land was a ever changing and extremely chaotic in terms of severe differences in the patches of land. Some places, the Deom noticed, were icy frozen glaciers of diamond one minute, and a feirce, deadly, and all together volitile firestorm of magma, lava flows, and obsidian tornadoes that spun wildly.
Other patches of land had soft fields of golden wheat on hilly planes that would burst into the densest, tangled, explosive forests and jungles, so much so that they threatened to spill over to choke out the flames of the firestorms. He also saw various places where gravity could hold nothing to the ground one moment, and completely crush anything near it into a flat plane one one thousandth of a micron in a second flat. There were ponds that screamed into oceans, violent with undersea life that captured the ferocity of nature in her most disgruntled and menacing form, and places that time, space, Existence, Dimension, Reality, of laws of known, recently discovered, and unknown physics had no ruling for long.
The patch of land the three houses rested on wass nothing special, just a simple slab of cement two miles in radius. There were three houses, much like the houses in the Singolarita Dimensionale centered around a tennis ball sized sphere, that looked like a tennis ball attached to a very worn out and deathly ill snake. Nordafet gulped in excitement, Julie noticed and went over to the shaking deom of patted him on the shoulder.
"We put a lot of hard work and effort into making this place, the Production crew had an extremely difficult time producing forcefields strong enough to separate each of the battle fields, as well as connecting everything together. We've done hundreds of tests by throwing Alison into every one of them as hard as we could to make sure everything is stabilized just right." she walked off and climbed up the stairs to where Jeff stood.
"We'll split each of you up into teams, based on how much you need each other. The three Houses before you will serve as your living quarters, your dining area, and your insane asylum should it come to that. Please note that we can and will at any time, instigate twists at random times of our choosing." Jeff said excitedly as Julie held out her hand and a holographic display loaded up.
"The first team, will be the black and blue Spidermen, the Great Mouth, Joshua Arhem's corpse, and Mr. Bean. You will be called team WTF."
The Spidermen, Great Mouth's ghostly form, and Mr. Bean walked forward. Suddenly, out of no where, a colossal thunderbolt slammed into Joshua Arhem's Corpse, filling it with a devestatingly evil urge to flick everyones nose with a cattle prod.
"Well, its about damned time! Get your **** over there!" Aneeh yelled at her brother's shambling form.
"You'll all be staying at the Green House. There are a combined total of seven billion cameras and microphones in every square inch of the house, including the showers and bathroom." Jeff laughed maniacly. "Aslo, there's a clone of Jimmy Falon in there."
"DAMN YOU JEFF PROBST! HOW DO YOU KNOW OF THE MOUTHIAN WEAKNESS OF THE JIMMY FALON!?" the Greath Mouth shouted in panic.
"Go... now." Jeff simply said as the group made their way to the house and opened the front door. There, they were greeted by Jimmy Falon and all of his awkward jokes. The Mouthian's ball of insects buzzed angrily and muttered something about something going up somewhere quite unpleasant.
Julie checked off the contestants for the next team. "Actually, we should just call them Team Green now that I think about it. Anyways, the next team will be comprised of Barney Fife, Morgan, Antimo, Nordafet, and Mr. Beans teddy, henceforth named Teddy Ruxbin. You will be known as Team Blue. And you will be going to the Blue House. Over there, where you will be stalked and driven to the very depths of hell by a freakish and steriod abusing Carrot Top. Shoo!"
Morgan had wet himself in fear. He had faced and defeated foes as large as planets and as numerous as there were drops of water in the oceans, had died once or twice, and had sent an angry email or two regarding a Readers Digest article he didn't like. But, he had never dared face the wrath of Carrot Top, who wass rumored to absorb ones soul just by flinging a prop at their general direction. He was'nt looking forward to this. Team Blue walked calmly to the blue house, and instantly became one thousand years old.
"****... he's here."
"WHO'S READY TO LAUGH!?" came a demonic, chaotic, ruthlessly evil, diabolic, and freakishly, hellishly, disturbingly sly voice.
"No one. Leave us alone." nordafet said to himself.
The remaining contestant were the Golden Strands, Caasi, Resaec, Aneeh and Joseph Arhem. Jeff just yawned tiredly and threw a cookie at josephs head. "You guys are team Red, your house is over there, and you have to deal with Brenchal. seriously, get the **** over there now!" julie smelled the rampant fear, the utter disgust, and several bottles of paris hiltons new line of educational videos 'thats hot... learning.', and smiled ot herself. they crept ruthlessly through a old womans petunia garden, making sure not to break anything. "STAY OFF MY LAWN! oh wait, wrong shout, GET AWAY FROM MY PETUNIAS!" came the shrill, ancient, raunchy, vomit inducing voice of rachel and brendon, the two headed beast of the seventeen thousandth circle of hell.
the houses themselves, though colored on the outside as red, blue and green, had vastly different interiors. the green house was littered with tirefires, goats heads, mutant biker gangs, and for the lack of a better term, bed bath and beyond store greeters with handfuls of coupons, neckbeards, and eye bustingly violent cardigans. the walls were covered in some type of acidic sludge known only as the film actors guild, an the funiture was in desperate need of repair. this was strange considering it was only a one story, four thousand foot home with a basment.
the blue house, was for lack of a better term, like a giant great white sharks mouth filled with liquid oxygen and the heads of acedemy awards nominees who failed to appease their godless masters, otherwise known as fanbases. the rooms were bare at most, with only a few uncomfortable looking beds that smelled of dehydrated gerbils, left over thanksgiving dinner from four years back, and the kind of gout only a morbidly obese, quadrapalegic sumo wrestler could possibly get if they had been locked in a steam room for just the right amount of time.
while there were plenty of bathrooms to make everyone comfortable, they didnt flush, frequently overflowed, and sometimes had giant squid tentacles slam out of the bowl at very inconvient times. the kitchen smelled like a broken swamp cooler with traces of embalming fluid in the corners, and for some reason, there was a amputated arm in the freezer that refused to be unstuck from rack it was currently attached to. over all, the house itself was like a salty elderly sea captain buttcrack with just the right amount of sea cucumbers to make any vegetarian think about switching over to beef.
the red house was the worst of the three, it was like a demented haunted house that had been redecorated by overcharged football zealots with a bright and shiny rainbow to choose from. outside of the overly cheerful color scheme, the walls hemoraged semi coagulated blood, the walls had a series of veins that throbbed to the beat of justin biebers rendition of 'friday'. that and at regular occasions the beds decided they had become porcupines and shot hundreds of spines through the mattresses at regular intervals. the food tasted like a zombies fart, the water tasted like nilla wafers gone bad, the lights flickered so much that the golden strands reflected the light like a stupid intense disco ball and to top it all off, they had to deal rachels laughter, brendons whining, and boths hideous plotting and planning into megaphone like crack addicted, semi retired beat poets gargling running chainsaws.
julie chen and jeff probst retired to the small and unoffending pruduction booth they had created to suit their needs. in the small and tightly cramped room stuffed with an ungodly amount of wires that pulsed and writhed like snakes getting prodded in the face by lightning bolts, the happily married couple sat in chairs designed to interface with their brain stems. this almost seemed like a great idea except for the fact that there would be ten billion gigawatts of electricity slamming through bodies only meant for one hundred and twenty volts at most. it hurt. a lot.
In the Blue house, Carrot top had been relentlessly trying to tell jokes at the houseguests expense, but Barney Fife had put an early end to him by snapping his neck and throwing him face first into the toilet, where a giant squid tentacle ripped him in twain.
"That was easy. Thanks for the help!" Morgan laughed heartily as the Puppet King walked out of the bathroom, the drops of water already staining his wooden and metal features.
"So your the Lost Wolf huh? You're the one that everybody's making such a big deal about?" there was an uncomfortable silence that followed for the next fifteen minutes as the two warriors stared at each other.
"Yeah, I am. Crazy war we're having huh?"
Barney Fife noted that the Lost Wolf sucked at making small talk, and walked down the hall, the carpet squishing under his feet. "If you ask me, this war's got to have a focal point somewhere, a event or a reason that would make all this violence stop. I've lost too much in my time here. I'm really just a small town sheriff with a loving wife and a beautiful daughter."
Morgan smiled, "I'm really just a college student, nothing special on the outside or inside. Maybe its just the circumstances that we've been thrust into, but after a while here, it just seems to me that sooner or later, we'll get to the bottom of this, what all of the avatars of Existence and Nonexistence are really fighting over." there was a small cough as Teddy Ruxbin charged down the hallway with a fist full of Bed Bath and Beyond coupons. Barney Fife grimaced, and Morgan extended arm and a few needle spines shot out and struck the small annoyance in the head.
"Yeah," Barney Fife said sadly, "That would be nice."
In the Green house, the Mouthian ordered the two Spidermen to amuse him to pass some time in the house.
"My funny bone will wash away the dry sands of your boredom!" Blue Spiderman said while wildly gesturing towards his dark suited sibling. The Mouthian turned its royal gaze over to the silent hero and watched for a few minutes before the depressed Spiderman actuelly did anything.
"I need serious therapy as to why I find it compulsory to run around in tights with five other men while swinging from constantly breaking webbing. Do you have a shotgun I could use for a second?" there was nothing funny about this form the moment he opened his mouth.
"Emo Spiderman... STOP THAT!" came the voice that sounded like Gilbert Godfried mixed with Marlon Brandos Godfather.
"Big Brother voice... you stop being so over critical of me simply expressing myself in order to vent the multitude of depressing thoughts pent up in my fragile and unbalanced mind!"
The Mouthian smiled, he knew the Green team was going to have trouble fomr the very start. And then Jimmy Falon showed up.
"Ah, well, in today's news, Murdoch was stabbed with a banana cream pie, so I think that would account for something right in the world!" Jimmy Falon laughed nervously as though there were some mystic charm in his words. The Great Mouth floated over to the late night show host and spit a swarm of hornets in to his ears. The host screamed in pain and rage for what seemed like forever. Only to be ripped apart by the tidal waves of bad ratings from CBS lawyers. "But why!? I did as you asked master! I did what you ASKED MASTER!!!" there was a whooshing sound as along with the lawyers, now Jimmy Falon had his head up his **** and was playing Microsoft Hearts really badly.
"That was a wave of relief! It really soaked up the dampness that was a rain storm of tension in this house!" Blue Spiderman roared loudly. The corpse of Joshua Arhem shambled into the living room and sat down with a loud groan.
How long had he been out?
How long were the Door and the Chasm going to play this game?
These questions and more roared through his mind like a bad infomercial stuck on replay. There wasn't much else for them to do. Mr. Bean had already tried attacking Emo Spiderman, but a hunk chunk of the ceiling fell on top of him and the house gave him a stern warning.
"Damn..." he whispered to himself as Mr. Bean, the most hideous man in the universe where his home planet was, sat next to him.
The Green house was now calling all the House Guests to the living room, but no one felt like going. They knew it would be a matter of time before the twisted whims of Julie and Jeff Probst were made clear. They just didn't know what the hell they were thinking.
"Every time I wake up," Mr. Bean started to say with a bit of boredom in his voice, "I deal with the ignorance of people at all times. This time when I woke up, I was falling from thirty thousand miles up in the air, trapped in a bamboo cage, with a demonic teddy bear stabbing me in the arm. Do you know where I am?" it was the first time that he had talked to anyone, and outside of launching an attack on Barney Fife, he was quite frightened, as though he were a lost four year old in a shopping mall looking for his parents.
Joshua looked over to the man, and saw in his eyes that first time experience of not knowing what happened to them. He remembered it quite well, as did Aneeh and Joseph. The uncertainty of whether or not they were still alive, the first time discovery that they had these amazing abilities, the constantly chaotic change of the scenery. It was all very clear that this poor man needed some guidance. But at the moment, Joshua didn't give a flying **** and simply pressed his finger into Mr. Bean's forehead until he heard a simple pop and was satisfied with that.
The moniters flicked on, the temporary static clearing up as the rigidly superficial smile of Jeff popped into being. "Our very first match up, will be between Emo Spiderman, and Teddy Ruxbin, please go to the battle sphere, and place your hands on the tennis ball. The rest, should be pretty self explanatory." with a hideous cackle, the Green house heard Emo Spiderman ripped the longest fart ever with each step he took. The Mouthian surmised that this was how Humans moved in their world as he tried imitating the noise with the ball of insects in his inner most mouth.
A few minutes later, Teddy Ruxbin, hideously bright blue cardigan, neck beard, and fistfull of coupons, placed a cute, fluffy, over stitched puff of a paw onto the tennis ball, as did Emo Spiderman.
"Hi there!" the bear said in friendly tones, "Will you be my friend!?"
Emo Spiderman wasn't falling for this ploy again. "You know, Humans only want friends so they can go ego stroking when they have things others don't. You're no Human, nor are you really Teddy Ruxbin, you're simply a mass of random energy particles slapped together to form a disarmingly cute monster that will destroy those who trust it." underneath the black and silver mask, Emo Spiderman smiled.
"Your right, Human. So place your **** hand on that goddamned ball, and I'll shove these coupons so far down your piss for brains throat, that you'll be coughing deals out your bleeding **** for a week!" the bear shouted with a growling roar.
"See, that wasn't so hard, now was it! By the way?" the dark hero said gleefully, Teddy Ruxbin grimaced at him. "I'm a expert at cutting stitched up things... Including semi living automatons, like yourself."
"Go **** yourself with a rusty chainsaw!" they both punched the tennis ball and were transported to a fiery battle zone.
It seemed appropriate under the circumstances. The two fighters stood stoically as a hologram of Julie Chen appeared. They knew that all the houses were watching, they felt the ground crack into a lava flow, the ground under their feet become a series of platforms.
"Emo Spiderman, Teddy Ruxbin, since you two are the first to go to battle in Big Brother, I will explain the rules, this will serve as a template for all future battles on Big Brother. Though your abilities have been removed for the remainder of your stay, we have assigned you all styles and move sets based on these ten elements. Light, Dark, Time, Space, Fire, Water, Earth, Wind, Lightning, and Metal. There are over ten thousand moves and style for each element. The battles will be best out of three, there is no time limit, you will not die. Emo Spiderman, you have been assigned the Earth element, Teddy Ruxbin, you have been assigned the Metal element. Good luck to you both!"