Discussion of "October Chill: Mary (6) and Samhain came…" by dogdeity11

DAMN! I worked so hard trying to get this chapter to format properly. Apologies to any readers. I tried to paste it in using Internet Explorer and I was told it was over 6,000 characters too long. So I tried it in Firefox browser and it accepted it fine. However, the only format I could get it to take was this one…with the ridiculous spaces between all the sentences! UGGGH!! I really, REALLY hope SM fixes either the chapter limitation issue or the formatting issue.
Anyway, enough bitching…

I believe this is my favorite OC storyline, starting from my favorite OC first chapter that NASH crafted. I’ve read it multiple times now and each time I am still amazed. It is an absolute work of art.
My intention here was to try and pay homage to it, while attempting to incorporate a little something from everyone’s chapters into it as well. It was a lot of fun to write and I hope those that have contributed to this storyline so far enjoy it.

Dog...wow man this is great. Of all the OC storylines, this one does seems so much more real, believable. How can anyone not enjoy your penmanship? 5, deservingly....

Well...dog, you took this one into a very interesting direction...lol. I liked how you mixed some of the other storylines in. That was way cool. I have to admit that I got a little "lost" with the angel/preacher confrontation so I read it a couple of times until I got it (OK..I'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes..lol). The end was a great leave and the next in line should be able to really go somewhere with it!

Hey WWB, thanks for the comments. I can definately see where things could get confusing at that point. I get a little ahead of myself sometimes with dialouge and interactions and assume the reader can comprehend what I do...even though I have the advantage of it being in my own head! haha
Thanks for the feedback.

Holy ****! So, so I read the original and I couldn't imagine it getting any better. But somehow you did it:) I didn't have any trouble with the angel/devil bit at all and I'm stoked that Amos is a demon. That rocks!

Great ideas here! You did A LOT of development in this. I think you were rushed, but I love the plot twists you threw in here.

I'll say this- the first part didn't seem quite up to your usual standards. I think you were (consciously or otherwise) trying to hard to mimick others' writing styles. By about midway through, you were yourself again, and from then on it was awesome.

It's not bad to try to experiment with different writing styles. The thing that detracted from the first part of this chapter was the constant use of adjective/noun combos.

You're usually really good about not doing that.

You use images instead, which is what writing teachers would tell you to do. It's also more enjoyable to read. Brief example: instead of saying "he was a tall man" you might say "he had to duck to get through the doorway". (The second being the good example.)

At any rate, once you got in your groove with this chapter, you did a lot of great work! I'm voting a 4.

Thanks or your comment and vote RavenLebeau! I always appreciate your taking the time to read my chapters, as well as your well thought out remarks and honest feedback.

Oh yes, and I specifically wanted to say I loved the demon turning out to be an angel. Great!

Nice followup, but I wanna do a chapter so can't vote too hihg.

3 out of uh 5.