So I’m sitting here watching the birds. Watching them perched on a phone wire, shitting mercilessly on a statue of some long forgotten hero. I wonder if that’s why they’re here. And by here I mean South Tampa, Hyde Park Florida. Is this their winter vacation spot? Did they fly south to get away from the disastrous mid-western winter storms? Had their ancestors flown here previously? Was this spot, this telephone wire, shitting on this statue...all some feathery family tradition?

Damn did I need a job!    

I’m also watching a swimming pool across the street. This is what the file advised me to do. I didn’t really need binoculars for this, however I purchased some anyway. Wright told me to buy anything I needed and he would reimburse me for it. I smile at this as I shovel another handful of parmesan flavored goldfish crackers into my mouth.  

I’m not entirely certain what I’m watching for. In fact, when Wrigtht gave me the assignment and handed me the jolly bright green folder I asked him…’What is it exactly that I am looking for.’

His disinterested reply, ‘Read the file. You’ll know.’

As previously stated…I’ve read the file and I don’t know. 

I was watching a smoking hot brunette earlier. She had on a two piece white bikini and she was reading in the sun while two kids splashed around in the pool. I was totally getting into her too…I mean, I admit…it’s been a while for me. No work means no money. No money means no babes. Cycle of life. 

But, it didn’t last long. 5 minutes after I pulled up she took the kids and went inside.

That was three hours ago. Three long, tedious, boring hours.

Since then…birds.      

But, whatever…still beats the heck out of sitting at home watching MASH and ER reruns...eating crackers with peanut butter, counting down the minutes until its late enough in the afternoon to where I won’t feel guilty for having a cocktail. Or five.

Hell, I’m working again. And as an investigator.

A gumshoe. A sleuth.  A private dick   

Cool.

I think I’m supposed to take notes. And be descriptive.

Register this -

The street I’m parked on is named DeLeon and it is mostly residential. I’m sitting on the east curb facing north, my grey ford contour parallel parked between a slug bug blue and a red mini van. Half block up at the intersection there’s a small mom n’ pop grocery. There’s no parking lot so customers are forced to street park. I figure this is good for my cover.

The house I’m watching is across the street and slightly north. This is how I can see into the backyard and to the swimming pool. Thankfully there is no privacy fence.

Even so, my view is not that great and I feel just a little like a stalker sitting out here in the middle of the day with a pair of binoculars.

What if she saw me? What if she called the cops?

I could tell them I’m one of them…one of the good guys. But I’ve got no proof.

Just this stupid folder with a couple of newspaper clippings, a google map of the house and a printed out document with instructions to: Park, wait, watch.

I suddenly realize that for the past 10 minutes I’ve been daydreaming…and not watching.

I hurry the binoculars to my eyes and steady my gaze toward the pool.

My sight is distorted by an ever increasing blurry vision of white…and skin. I drop the binoculars from my eyes and there she is, the swimming pool brunette...just on the other side of the street, smiling.

And walking right toward me.

I drop the binoculars on the floor and attempt to push them under the seat with my foot, while at the same time trying to hide the file, start the car engine and wipe all the goldfish crumbs off my shirt.

Dick alright…obviously not so private!

She stops outside my window and bends down to face me.

Register this- A lot of skin…larger than normal…faker than normal…um…wow...****.

Oh, and beautiful, passionate lips.

They part. She speaks:  

“You must be Toby. I’ve been waiting for you.”