Discussion of "Flatline" by dogdeity11

Ok, I had to take a deep breath, and read it twice so I could comment like a normal human being. I love it. You have a talent for writing emotional pain without it sounding melodramatic. And I love the little clues you leave as to what might happen when the door closes.
"Avoiding the courage I know it’s going to take if I am going to make it through the next…however long it’s going to take before she’s finally gone.

Gone forever.

If I can take my mind off of it…keep the door of the closet closed." Right now the reader doesn't know what's in the closet, but you can guess that it isn't a kitten.
And the little details are great. I love that she takes HIS toothbrush and only leaves the gross travel one behind.
I have one question:
"‘…that we will fight like this…’ I mouth.

I bet she took that CD too." What's the reference here? Is it a Jeff Buckly song? I tried to find it but I couldn't.
So, by my reckoning now that's To Do and Flatline you MUST write more chapters for.
Now I have to drink and cry myself to sleep, but I don't mind:) It was worth it.

Thanks honeygloom!
This started out as a blah blah blah…but turned into a pretty personal piece for me. Well, except for the whole GUN part. Haha.
I’m really glad you enjoyed it!
Actually, old INXS lyrics…
this time…will be the last time.
‘…that we will fight like this…’

I honestly didn’t even intend it that way. Once I wrote, ‘this time will be the last time…the rest was just sort of an obvious continuation for me.
Great song. Old album…’Listen like thieves’

Doesn’t compare to Buckley though.

I see your name up here quite often, so I decided to read your work. I'm impressed. You get some pretty good reviews and posted comments. I will read more from you in the future. Browse my work sometime and tell me what you think...

Wow, great emotional piece here. This man is obviously suffering, and the cliffhanger ending is great. I added to Borrowed Time by the way, and would like to hear your comments on it. Another great piece man. 5.

Thanks Cheese! I'll go check out your addition to Borrowed time. I havent been back there in a while.

Great story, I added another chapter. Excellent work

Great chapter! It's the longest one I've ever been able to read without getting bored. (I have little to no attention span, hence the brevity of my chapters and most comments.) Anyway, I gave it a 5. Oh, and I really liked this line "I feel sorry for the mold, now so fully exposed. Will it survive?" This is the first chapter of yours I've read, so now I'm off to read more.

Awesome! Im glad I was able to keep your attention.
And you happened to call out on of my favorite lines too...the mold.
Thanks for the vote and comments! Now get back to work on the Man holding the Red Umbrella!

Jesus man. **** amazing. Ten stars. The best things I've ever read are always those that make you feel the words; not read them or hear them, but feel them like they are alive and infectious. you have done exactly that. i want to add to this chapter but it may be a tough task. i'll have to wait until the chills running down my arms subside.

thanks mm! I really appreciate the positive feedback. Your 'Traffic Jam' series is amazing! Looking forward to a chapter 3.

Yessir, this is what I'm talking about...typical dog, great! Need I tell you? FIVE

I love the emotion in this. Awesome 5 stars

Thanks unicorn. I appreciate the comment and vote.
I'll go check out your work.

This captured the feeling and scenery of many a break-up. It's a great beginning. I'm excited to see how others continued it.

i agree on whoever replied about the mold line-clincher.

nice, bro

Wow, very captivating. I really liked how the language was so simple yet it was talking about such complex emotions. My only criticism is watch for punctuation. Some was left out. But wonderful story content! Great job!

Thanks! I really appreciate the comments. Proper punctuation is definitely not one of my strengths; however it is entirely possible that I meant to leave it out too. I like to use punctuation or a lack thereof, to convey a sense of emotion in certain situations. Rushed, confused, jumbled thoughts. I’ve been criticized before for my ‘disrespect’ of using proper English.
Or, it very well could be that I just totally missed it! I do that quite a bit too.
Thanks again, Appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Whoa. I haven't read any of the mashes yet, but I'm not sure I want to. This chapter ends so beautifully and tragically - it really ends the story on the perfect note. I only wish one day I could write as well as this. I say again, whoa. Fantastic work.

I really liked this! I wish you would write another chapter, I am dying to know about the adoption papers.