Discussion of "Day 11: Until its time for your life to flash before your eyes" by dogdeity11

okay, well I give up on this one. Please forgive the crazy format and 'code' that somehow managed to get into the story. Not sure what the heck happened.
This was the second addition for Day 11. After finishing the other one I realized I didn’t so much care for it. However I posted it anyway as it was already done.

Why'd you have to have a puppy die?? I tried so hard not to cry and then... the puppy. Not fair. You got the whole family together and provided us with great character sketches and detail of all of them so we can see exactly why he loves his family. This was a very tender and sweet moment skillfuly done. I love that he's worried about his daughter dating, and that he wishes he could take the memory of his wife's smell with him when he dies. Just such great details.

Thanks Honeygloom. I’m glad you liked it!
I suspect your messing with me about the puppy but in case not...I had it die in order to contrast the joy of life they were all experiencing. By changing the mood, and with Dads comment about ‘God having other plans,” it set the stage for our character to reveal his news to everyone.
Of course, that’s up to the next writer to decide if it actually happens.

Yeah, I GET it. I just can't HANDLE it without crying like a freaking baby:) But that's what makes it great. It does exactly as you said, provides a stark contrast between the joys of life and the sorrows of death. And on a larger scale, it sets the tone for the whole Mash, providing a concise image representing what this whole story is really about. I loved it.

love the description of what he's feeling, and thinking, allows us to really get into his head.

Thank you adundantwater. Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!

I appreciate your feedback and I will be the first to admit I have the punctuation skills of Cocoa the gorilla but even in the last few days I have improved my skills alot and my hope is that when someone reads my stories they choose to focus on the intended parts however I cannot blame someone for being thrown off by said issue. I intend on writing a sci-fi book as a hobby and am hoping for feedback on this site so I'm sure you can understand the lack of a proofreader because in essence this is still a VERY rough draft used for the purposes of quality feedback exactly like the kind you provided, I can't thank you enough.

PS. Wow, I've been reading your stories for the past half an hour or so on my lunch brake and I gotta say, bravo I had no idea you had such impressive writing chops. :)

Thank you for taking the time to read some of mine jakestar. I appreciate the feedback too.
SM is definitely a good place to workshop ideas. Most people will forgive bad punctuation and spelling and focus on content. Unless it becomes too distracting. I did enjoy your chapter and I will read and comment on more when I can.

dogdeity11.....you are one of a kind. The emotions you put into this chapter...simply amazing. You were on target with giving us insight into the lives of his brothers and sisters, his parents, etc. You were right about with Dads comment about ‘God having other plans,” it setting the stage for Anthony to reveal his news to everyone.
Please, never stop writing man. Pursue this everyday with a fierce passion. I hope that one day your talents are recognized by someone who can put your name on the map. I also hope that one day I can meet you face to face, and shake your hand.
Thanks for such a wonderful chapter man.

theblackhand ~ I can't thank you enough for your terrific comments. I am delighted beyond words that you enjoyed my contribution.
This was actually a really difficult chapter for me to get out. I guess after having been buried in the ‘evil preachers’ of the OC mash for so long, (and still am for two more), I had to change my mindset a bit. I wrote the first chapter ‘Superhero’ and it just didn't jive. So I went back and reread everyone else's chapters and found the inspiration I needed to bring the family together.
And I'd be honored to shake your hand any day my friend!

you know something blackhand you are so right about dogdeity, you and dogdeity should email me, I dont want to post it here. I am totally serious adrienne.manson@gmail.com

Excellent progression and character development. Everyone felt three dimensional, especially the family as a whole, very real.

Thank you for writing a truely astounding chapter. I love that the family is back in play...I love that they finally took the trip out to see them....I love how you approached braoching the subject of death with the kids by using the puppy's death. Very moving!

Thank You Ace and Persephonie. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment!

And congrats Persephonie on winning Chapter 1 in the contest. Well deserved!

what chapter is it on now....?????

Pyscho is up next, chapter 12....

As always Dog, very impressive. I always enjoy reading your works. And I see you caught most of the errors you had in the other version of this one. Can't give ya much of a critique, which is something coming from an editor-personality.

This chapter definitely hit the spot in the story. Magnificently crafted and a perfect connection for the next part of the story. Also kinda left it open to be good news, which will hurt even worse. Bravo my friend.

Now if only Psycho would get his write on...nudge nudge

Thank you Jackoalltrades!
I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I just found your 'Trader Chronicle' series and loved the first chapter. I am excited to read through the rest.

Hey dogdeity11, I am trying to contact berlingirl. What is a suggested read?