Discussion of "Queen of Crete" by dogdeity11

you are rather fond of the "darkside" aren't you?
Good job, very descriptive.

rather fond of Jeff Buckley is what he is.
Yet, I concur.

"Beneath her arms the juice of tormented dreams formed stains that at right angles resembled biblical figures and at left angles Dantes demons." Disgusting! and beautiful I loved it. I was so tense just reading it, I don't think I breathed at all until I finished.

Thanks! This has always been one of my favorites.
If you find the time in between chapters, I’d be honored if you MASHed it.

Well done! When it comes to fiction, the darker the better in my book. I am ultimately impressed with your unique way of describing something exactly how no one else would, and nailing it effortlessly! Good tone...words have to roll and yours are smooth as butter. gave it a 5-er!

Good imagery throughout- well chosen, and all on the theme of violence (that's unusual! Most people have a hard time grasping the concept of context-appropriate metaphors and analogies). This piece has a lyric quality, a meter, like a freeverse poem. It works well for short pieces like this and makes them more memorable than they would be if written in more traditional prose. Very nice.

Ah...an entire month has passed and only now do I find this, thanks to honeygloom's mash. I love vampires. There is something exotic and romantic about them, despite their monstrous doings...lol, especially beautiful, tough, women vampires! As an adolescent I often wished they were real and that one day I would meet one who would bite me and we would "live" happily ever after.
As crystalfoo wrote, you have such a unique way of describing things that make your writing so very enjoyable. Excellent job, dog....and, of course, a 5er.

Ah...an entire month has passed and only now do I find this, thanks to honeygloom's mash. I love vampires. There is something exotic and romantic about them, despite their monstrous doings...lol, especially beautiful, tough, women vampires! As an adolescent I often wished they were real and that one day I would meet one who would bite me and we "live" happily ever after.
As crystalfoo wrote, you have such a unique way of describing things that make your writing so very enjoyable. Excellent job, dog....and, of course, a 5er.

Ooops, I hate slow computers...lmao.

Wow, this is an incredible piece. I was so into it, I want to know what happens! The imagery is amazing, and everything was beautifully phrased. Great job!

::What wicked curse is this that turns her into the thing that stole her. Her escape was so frightful, no matter the efforts she couldn't get her release::
That's how I would start the next chapter but Greek Mythology is like mental agitation...so not gonna happen. Love it though.

The metaphor in that first sentence?

Hey lamexicanita86,
I wasnt sure what you were saying here? You dont care for it or your confused?

I like the phrase "convict sun," actually. The part of the metaphor that I didn't like was the part about raping the shadows. I see what you're getting at, but in my mind, rape is something ugly while the sun is beautiful. Putting the two ideas together doesn't make a nice picture, in my mind. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Thank you for the follow up comment.
You are quite right! However in this particular chapter the sun is the 'bad guy.' So my intent actually was to make it sound ugly. The effort of the chapter is to get the reader to alter their normal thought process by caring for the main character, who happens to be a blood thirsty vampire, (and as we all know vamps must stay out of the sun), and view the sun as being bad.
Not an easy task because as you say, ‘The sun is beautiful!’
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it!

I love these dark stories of yours, you have an excellent knack for capturing the Gothic.

Yes, sir. I thought the loaded words in the first paragraph set the tone nicely.