Discussion of "Janeane’s smile, Kerplow!" by dogdeity11

Wow Dog! You have some serious talent. Your writing humbles me.

Love it. You have a nice 'voice' with your writing--comes across sardonic and eloquent at the same time. very cool tone. There are some great urban metaphors as well. Great chapter! :)

All I can say is WOW! I'm sure there are some words out there to cover this... but they're probably 20 letters long and in a language only stuffy Old English professors can pronounce. Great job!

I'm right now trying to decide why I have a smile on my face. I guess because I'm a morbid, twisted soul...

This is some of your best work here! You're a wonderful writer, but this needs to be PERFORMED. I can almost hear the narrator speaking. It's perfect. Absolutely perfect. If there is any way you could read some of your stuff on a radio show or something, that would be the best venue.

I love the details you choose to include- Christmas candles, tailored suit now ragged. You're a real minimalist, in a way, but somehow you pick all the right lines for the sketch.

I have one critique though. Nix the first line. It's from a song (intentially?), and it sort of distracted me for a minute, took me away from your story trying to think of where I'd heard it. That's so the opposite what your writing is about- everything else pulled me in.

Other than that though... awesome.

I have another scrap of rambling up, btw. Which is what I stopped by to say, but now I'll be reading more of this morbid masterpiece.

Yea! I’m so glad you liked this RavenL. I’ve had these crazy scenes kicking around in my head for a while, but definitely as a movie, with flashbacks and all. I picture Jami Foxx as Kirt and Ben Foster as Jesse.
I totally agree with you on the first line! Thanks for pointing it out. And its so weird, I honestly don’t know if I meant it or not...(I am a Floyd fan and love that particular song), so it is possible! When I read it now totally get distracted too.
I am a HUGE fan of audio books by the way. I used to manage a book store in LA that did nothing but audio books. So fun! The people who read them do such an amazing job.
I’ll mention this cause I know you are a cat lover…one of my all time favorite audio books is called: The Autobiography of Foudini M. Cat by Susan Fromberg Schaeffer. Its read by the dude from Frazier…the brother. His name is David Hyde Pierce. The book is really good on its own, but if you can find the audio somewhere pick it up. He does the voices so well.
Thanks again!

That sounds awesome. I love his character on Frasier. My husband and I like audio books a lot, we just took a road trip and it was a great way to enjoy the drive.

I just googled Ben Foster to job my mind (now I remember him- Angel! How could I forget an X-Man?). Anyway, by some odd coincidence, in the pic that I found he has this intense expression that could be anything and so it's scary. It's full of emotion, but you don't know what exactly. It's like he could burst into tears, or burst out laughing, or kick the crap out of someone, or give a heartfelt monologue about his grandmother, and I wouldn't make any bets either way. That definitely fits your character to a tee.

Oh, and I've been meaning to ask you- do you by chance like the show Dexter? If you've never watched it, you should. Right up your alley. It's this melange of morbid, surreal, funny, and sometimes surprisingly touching. I think if their screenwriter disappeared from the face of the earth, you could take his/her place and no one would know the difference. That's how much that show reminds me of your work. (For the record, I in no way condone acts of violence toward screenwriters :) ) I'm just saying. If they DID need a replacement...

What ‘genre’ of audio books do you and your hubby frequent? I was in the biz for a few years, I can probably suggest some really good ones.
I have seen previews for Dexter and thought it looked really good. Haven’t seen it yet but will keep my eye out. Thanks for the heads up and the compliment. I’m hit or miss with the tv…especially during baseball season. I’m a ridiculous fanatic. (Detroit Tigers)
Although I never miss an episode of South Park. : - )
Oh, and you mentioned Joss Whedon once…you couldn’t find a Bigger Firefly fan than me.
Yea, Ben Foster…amazing actor! I honestly didn’t even realize he was in X-men until you said it and I then googled. Too funny!
Not sure what genre of movie you and hubby are into, (probably the same as your fiction), but you can catch Ben Foster at his finest in Alpha Dog. (also has Bruce Willis, Justin Timberlake and the gorgeous ‘13’ from the tv show ‘House’) and its based on a true story. Cool movie.
He’s also in ‘3:10 to Yuma.’ Should have won an academy award for best supporting actor.
Okay…off and rambling aren’t I. Damn red wine. Thanks for the kinds remarks and I really look forward to reading your writings of ‘Janeane.’ Its gonna be so cool!

I love Firefly! Serenity is my favorite movie, loved the theme, loved the setting... I actually found out after I watched it that it was based on a TV series. My husband and I have the DVD set :) It has the original pilot, and at least two extra episodes (I don't remember how many were extra, since they were all knew to me.) The storytelling on that show was so great. My favorite episode was the one that starts with Mal sitting naked in the middle of the desert looking defeated, but philosophical as he says something like, "yep, that went well." What a hook.

Another awesome DVD is X-Men Evolution (especially 2nd and third seasons). First season was all watered down and saccahrine. Then the second season got a little hint of irony- kid's show, adult sense of humor. By the third season, they had dropped the kiddie facade altogether. At that point it got as gritty as the Chris Clairmont comics. No easy outs. People screw up, they don't always learn their lesson, and not everything can get fixed. Sometimes you don't even know if someone did screw up because there wasn't a right course of action. It's rare to see any show- let alone a cartoon- take characterization to that level. And the series ending is about the best plot resolution I have ever seen. In any medium. Interstingly, Clairmont is listed as a writer, but not for any individual episode. I have a feeling he had a hand in the 3rd season. (He's the genius behind the story for the 2nd movie, although it's only loosely derived from his work.)
So now you know what to look for if you get a chance to rummage through used DVD's :)

Oh, and books- mostly fantasy/sci-fi. I think you could probably give us some good recommendations. We loved the Harry Potter books (in spite of the fact that I loathe hyped things as a rule). We also loved the Lemony Snicket series (laugh if you like. By the end they were full of bitter social commentary, erudite literary allusions, and dark humor.)

you're one of few people who has seen the true depths of my geekiness. Ok, maybe not the TRUE depths. But pretty close to it. So you can probably make good recommendations without thinking too hard :)

Been gone a while have not had much time to read anything. But damn dog, good stuff. I love the **** thats floating around in your head man.
best line for me, I can't explain why-
It smells like bong water, shitty diapers and suicide.
- maybe because I know all those smells.
reading the next chapter now

~X~

Thanks X! Welcome back.