viii – Her world (of warcraft)

  I wont profess to comprehend anything about this world. I know it is there. My cousins are all addicted. My best friend disappears for days…his shades pulled tight against the summer Florida sun. My ex-girlfriends ex-husband used to lock his home office door and ignore her knocks for hours.

So I’ve made it a point to avoid it, this World of Fantasy. This World of Warcraft, (WOW). Not because I think it is stupid. Or that it isn’t fun. It’s just that I know myself. I have a rather addictive personality. Alcohol. Pot. South Park. Cocaine. Corndogs. Lost. Pain. Les Miserables.  Did I mention alcohol?

See, I know I would wind up staying up til 4 a.m. and ignoring my friends and family as I submerged myself into this world. Just for her.

Sort of like I do now anyway. Waiting for Alyssa. My door unlocked all night. My music up louder than it normally would be. Letting her know I am home and available. I sit up staring at the clock, wondering… How late do I do this? What if she needs me at 1? Or what if she has an urge to see me after 2? What if she wakes up and suddenly needs to talk at 3. What if she misses me? What if, what if, what **** if.    

So when she begs me to sign up and try it, I inevitably always attempt to redirect the question.

HER: Here’s the free sign up card. Please do it baby. 

ME: Sweet. Thanks. I’ll totally give it a look.

HER: Now?

ME: (sigh) Tomorrow darling. Why don’t we…

HER: I just know you’re gonna love it as much as I do.

(How could I not love anything that Alyssa loves?)

ME: I’m sure I will too. But I’d rather rock out a bit right now. Wouldn’t you?

HER: I’d rather you download the software and…

ME: How about some Prince? Huh? Your favorite…

My faithful friends, admittedly, your humbled narrator has avoided sharing this next bit of information because I didn’t want you to think any less of me than you already do. Believe me, I know. I read back through these posts and I see how pathetic I am. How some might be downright disgusted with my behavior and my actions and my continued attempts to be with a woman who is already spoken for. It’s not as if I cant get my own girl. Rachel calls me daily. I don’t answer. Kerri emails me and wonders why I haven’t called her in over a month. I don’t respond.

I am a good-looking man. I’ve never had a problem with the ladies.

But as nature is my witness…I am in love. And I’m in love bad.   

So, in order to set the record straight here…I think it’s time to share a truth. What have I got to lose at this point? It’s been days since my eyes touched Alyssa’s face. And here is presumably why…      

The last time I saw my favorite person in the world I told her to leave. Imagine that.

I. Told. Her. To. Leave.

It was 3:00 a.m. and we were smashed. We killed a twelve pack and multiple shots of Southern Comfort.

Yes, I had to wake up for work in 2 hours. But whatever, this is a typical Tuesday night for me. If Alyssa is here, I will stay up all night just to sit and listen to her voice. Just to have her around me so I can continue to pretend.

And the longer she is in my apartment the longer her aroma will linger. If I can’t wake up with her snuggled up against me than at least I can wake up to her smell.  

But this time…

We were in my room, looking at her Myspace page and listening to music. Whatever Alyssa wants to hear…I download and we hear it.

Kings of Leon. Katy Perry. Journey. Prince.

Tonight she’s asked me if I recall the 90’s guy who had the video with all the hot chicks dressed the same and playing instruments.

Of course I do. Robert Palmer. Addicted to love. Fitting.  

I quickly download it praying that she’s feeling frisky enough to give me one of her classic lap-dances. My friends…you have no idea. I can’t even masturbate anymore unless my eyes are closed and I’m picturing her dancing. I promise to dedicate an entire chapter to this one day. Maybe two chapters. Or three. 

Anyway, somehow when my attention was distracted, probably watching her wiggling toes, she managed to get the World of Warcraft, (WOW), free trial software downloaded to my desktop and was demanding that I sign up. NOW.

I hesitated, trying to come up with an adequate distraction. But I had nothing. My mind was one track at that stage of the night.

So I negotiated with her.

ME: I’ll totally sign up, right now…but then you have to let me put every one of your toes in my mouth. 

HER: (with no hesitation) It’s a deal. 

So, excitedly I started to go through the process. My name. My email. My address. Yadda yadda.

Suddenly I realized that she was not there anymore. She got up at some point and went out on my balcony for a cigarette. Which I don’t mind. When I drink I smoke like nobody’s business. But still…

I don’t stay up until 4:00 in the morning to play video games. I stay up to spend time with the woman I’ve fallen in love with and only get to see a couple of times a week. Toes in my mouth or not. Lap dance or not. Alcohol or not. Talking, or not talking…it doesn’t **** matter to me. I just want to be near her.

So I went out on the balcony to share the humid night air with her. And a smoke.

Only, she was on the phone. With one of her geeky WOW friends.

She didn’t even acknowledge me as I approached her. She was talking about WOW ****. To some **** douche who lives in Indiana. Some guy who sends her pictures of himself and begs her to come visit him. Some guy who tells her that my friendship is all a rouse and that all I’m trying to do is take advantage of her and get in her pants.

****. I swear to you my dedicated and patience friends, that is absolutely not true.     

So was I jealous? Me?

Oh **** yea I was. 

I already have a live in boyfriend to compete with for her time. And an on-line fantasy game. Now I have some nerd who apparently she calls at 3:00 in the morning just to chat with.

ME: Alyssa, why don’t you just go home now.

HER: Hold on a second man. (She says into the phone. Then to me…) What’s up? Did you sign up yet?

ME: No. I don’t want to sign up. Not right now.

HER: Well then you know what you’re not going to get.

(She raised her perfect legs and wiggled her sensational toes toward me.)

ME: (crushed) I know. It’s just that…damn, darling, I just want to spend time…

HER: (into the phone) Hey, let me call you back in 5. No, I promise…give me 5 minutes.

She hung up and looked at me with her gorgeous eyes and she said…

“ I should be getting home anyway. (Boyfriend), might wake up and look for me.”

This has never been a concern for her before. But I know what time it is. She wants to go home and play WOW. She wants to get on-line with her dork buddy and do whatever the **** it is that they do. She doesn’t want to continue to spend time with me. Apparently I’ve already served my purpose for the evening.

And all I want to do is lay down and listen to her breath as she falls asleep in my arms.

But I don’t say this. She knows it.

Instead, I don’t say a word. I’m drunk. I followed her to the door and as she walked through it she turned and said…

“I’ll drop by tomorrow and we can finish signing you up.”

I broke inside. I responded:

“I’m not signing up for that ****. Later.” And I shoved the door closed, harder than necessary, right in her face. Then I flicked the bolt and locked it. All boss like. All **** bag like. 

I spent the next hour sitting on my balcony smoking and kicking myself in the **** for being such a dick. If I had just signed up I could have avoided the issue. If I had just signed up I could have spent more time with her. Her toes in my mouth. Her body in my bed. Her smell all over my sheets.

I spent the next hour on my balcony listing to her, outside on her own balcony right next store, talk to her WOW buddy and tell him how he had been right the whole time. I wasn’t really a friend after all. I just wanted to get in her pants.

And now, I’ve spent the last three days with my head in a bottle. My ear to the wall. Listening just to hear her voice. My door unlocked 24-7. My heart thundering. My lungs eroding with smoke. My jester hands stressed and shaking. 

She hasn’t been back since. No knocks on my door. No emails. No texts. No acknowledgment when we are both on the balcony smoking, a mere foot of concrete separating us.   

What have I done?

I may as well just go ahead and sign up for WOW. Why the **** not.

I live in a fantasy world anyway.