xviii- dream come true

  I had to buy a new phone today. My old one, well…it sort of broke. It happens. When in a fit of momentary blind rage you send it sailing end over end through the air. Impact is imminent. Momentum. The end of Inertia. Total destruction. My communicative life scattered about in a million little pieces. Another hole in my bedroom wall. The grandest of explosions. Well, maybe not the grandest…

It all started the night before when:

  I laid down around midnight in an effort to get at least a few hours in before my alarm went off.  A half hour earlier I had dropped a second valium and polished off the last glass of a bottle of cheap wine. I was feeling the affects. I closed my eyes and…

A knock on my door.

I rolled over in bed thinking I must have fallen asleep and it was now already morning. I looked at the clock. It had only been three minutes.

I pulled myself up slowly, listening for the knock again. Maybe it was a dream?  Or just my imagination?  I mean, no one would come over at this hour, right? No one except…

I bolted out of bed searching wildly for something to put on. Could it be? How could it be? But could it be?

I located a pair of cut of sweats on my dresser and bounced across the bedroom floor as I yanked them on.

But she’s on vacation. For two weeks. And its only been a week. Couldn’t be her. Could it?

I decided to slow my pace. Calm my senses. Ease my heart rate back. Certainly it was only wishful thinking. It probably wasn’t even a knock. Most likely my air conditioner.  Or a neighbors car door. Could have even been…

Another knock. Familiar. Distinctive.

I charged through my living room and slid across the tiled floor nearly wiping out as I rounded the corner into the hallway. I stopped short of the front door and inched my hand up to the lock. Should I look through the peephole?

No. I’m being stupid. Just hearing things the way I want to hear them. Might be my cousin Reg. Wife kicked him out again. No, he would have called first. Or maybe my best friend Needles. Probably drunk and needing a place to crash. Possibly it could be…

Knock, knock, knock.  

Timid. Yet, determined. I know it so well. Fragrant feminine wrist bending back and forth causing tiny kissable knuckles to make contact. To get my attention.

Oh man, I love her so much.

I flip the lock and nearly rip the door off its hinges.

An entire week. For seven straight days I have staggered around in a haze without her. Alcohol. Drugs. Exercise. Smoking. Raunchy sex with strangers. Meaningless sex with blind dates. More time spent on the internet that any one person should ever spend. Crossing each passing day off my calendar as if in anticipation of Christmas. Always wondering…what if she decides not to come back? What if I never see or hear from her again? What the hell would I do? How could I possibly recover from a devastation like that?

And then in a flash…it was all over. No more stress because there she was, in all her wondrous glory, standing on my doorstep with the brightest, most magnetic smile I’ve ever had the pleasure to be attracted to.

I embraced her and absorbed her energy. I buried my nose in her neck and I inhaled like it was the first breath of fresh air I had ever taken. I lifted her up in my arms and I spun her around.

She giggled. Then laughed.

Then said, “Put me down you brute before you crush my spine.”

“I’m sorry darling. I just can’t believe your actually here.”

I took a step back to make sure it was real. Make sure it wasn’t a hallucination. A side effect. I reached out my hand and I stroked her hair. Then I bent forward and I gently pressed my lips to her forehead. And then to her eyebrows. And to the bridge of her nose. And her cheekbones. The side of her mouth. Her adorable pointy chin.

She stood there silently with her eyes closed…smiling.

I realized if I didn’t stop I was probably going to explode. So I stepped back and closed the door.

“So, why are you here? I mean, ahhh, Thank god your here…but, you still had another week of vacation?”

She looked at me and a sudden blinding sadness flashed across her face. It hurt. I winced.

“Alyssa…what’s wrong sweetheart? Are you okay?”

“Yea, I’m fine. I just…I missed you.”

Could my heart swell anymore?

“So you came back early, because you missed me.”  

A frown. A tilted head, puppy eyes frown. That obviously wasn’t the reason she came back. I waited.

She finally spoke, “Let’s go outside and have a cigarette.”

“Ah, yea…yea, sure.”

I took her hand and led her silently through my dark apartment toward the living room.

When we reached the patio door I stopped.

“I have a feeling I’m going to need a drink. Can I get you something? Vodka and cran-ras? Beer?”

“No, thank you. It’s late. I can’t stay long.”

Oh ****. Alyssa not wanting a drink because it’s too late. Something was defiantly wrong.  The vibes were shifting. The energy turning evil.

“Oh, okay. Then I can hold out too.”

I opened the patio door and we moved out unto the balcony.

It was a humid night. Thick, oven like air. I could instantly feel a film of sweat break out on my body.

Still in silence we both lit cigarettes and stood staring up at the clear night sky. Stars. An airplane. A sliver of a moon.

“So what’s the story gorgeous?” I finally managed the courage to ask. 

“I’ve decided to leave (her boyfriends name).”

The words left her lips and I swear I saw them fight through the thick air and meet my ears. In an instant I was the happiest man alive. I know this. For sure. For that moment in time…you wouldn’t have found anyone on this planet with a more genuine smile.

But, it was short lived. Because as happy as I was about this development…I also knew that there would be more news to follow. Because leaving boyfriend meant she would no longer be my next door neighbor. It meant that she was back early from vacation because she had also made a decision to move back home. To leave Florida. To leave me.

She watched me as the smile faded from my face. She knew that I had figured it out.

“I’m sorry.”

“No…don’t you be sorry darling. You are doing the right thing. And of course I am going to…I’m going to miss you so much, but I am very, very happy for you. I am…”

She flicked her cigarette off the balcony and swept across the balcony into my body. She wrapped her arms tightly around me. Her face pressed hard into my bare chest. I felt her warm tears drop unto my skin and run down my stomach. And then she whispered… 

“I love you Alex.”

The stars and the moon shone brighter than they ever had. The birds sang operas at night. The light and the darkness merged and out of it came visions of a heaven on earth with Alyssa and I making love in the garden under a tree pregnant with juicy ruby apples.

She loved me. It was the first time she had ever said it.

She continued, “I love you so much.”

I stood in awed silence, conflicting emotions battling to dictate my next words. She was leaving me. But she loved me.

“Then don’t leave me darling. I love you too. Good God you know how much I love you. Stay with me. You and Arianna live with me. We’ll move so we don’t have to live next door to that prick. We can… ” 

My breath cut off as she suddenly pressed her face harder into my chest and I felt a slight tingling sensation. I looked down and she had taken my nipple into her mouth and she was gently biting it. Her arms gripped me harder as she pulled me tighter to her. Her fingers scratched down the small of my back and eased underneath the waistband of my loose shorts. She dug her nails into my **** cheeks and she squeezed.

I tilted my head back and let the sensations rush through my body. Pleasure and pain. She loves me and she’s leaving. Or maybe she’s not. She didn’t answer me. But maybe this is her answer.

She bit down harder on my nipple and I felt the world tilting around me.        

I lost my equilibrium and had to lean back against the railing for support. She extended her hands out away from my behind, gripped the fabric in her fingers and began to pull down on my shorts. Her mouth left my chest and slowly descend down the length of my abdomen, her tongue licking and flicking.

I knew what was coming and my body responded accordingly. The blood surged into my manhood and it bounced and fought against the restrictive obstacle between it and her flesh. Her lips reached my belly button and she swirled her tongue around it. She moved her hands slowly around my waist and curled her fingers around the front of my waistband...and then she pulled them down exposing my raging lust. She sank to her knees pulling my shorts with her. And then she sat for a moment staring at my inflamed sex, an impish grin playing on her angelic face. I flexed my pelvic muscles resulting in a pleading cock dance. She moved forward and pressed her face into my groin. Rolling her head from side to side, massaging me with the soft skin of her cheeks and nose and forehead. I could already feel the initial indications of eruption building up. My sack tingled and my dick throbbed against her face. I looked down just in time to see me disappear slowly into her mouth. Her eyes, wide and shining blue, stared up at me in wanton desire. I leaned back further against the rail so I could bend my knees and get more depth. I brought my hands down to her head and I stroked her hair and caressed her ears. She moved back and forth and side to side. Sometimes sucking, sometimes biting.

Her hot breath.  Her saliva glistening on me. The sound of flesh moving in and out of moist lips. Our moans mixed together with the crickets and frogs and stray cats of the late night. The rhythm increased. My sack tightened. Tight liped around my shaft she took me deep and held me there, her mouth vibrating with a throaty moan. I shuddered. I quaked. I love her so much and I absolutely can’t let her go. I’m going to ask her to marry me. I’m going to ask her to…to…

I felt my muscles grip and my tip pucker. I couldn’t hold the explosion back any longer. I cupped her face in my hands and I moved my hips back and forth. It’s building. It’s blooming. It’s…

My alarm went off.

I opened my eyes and I was in bed. Alone.  

Oh bitter cruel reality. All a dream.

I reached over and picked up my phone, which also doubles as my alarm clock.

The least it could have done was given me one more minute. Just one. Let me feel the climax of a lifetime.

And with the power of all the frustration that’s built up inside me over the past week, and the unfulfilled fantasy I was just so rudely awakened from, I launched the phone toward the wall.

And the explosion that followed was certainly not the explosion that I would have preferred.