Discussion of "October Chill: Devils Night" by dogdeity11

Damn... read this right after posting mine... there are a couple of similarities...scary...lol...

for sure! great minds think alike!
My only regret with this one is my rush to finish. The last line would have been more effective had it read..."Hi Daddy. We're really sorry about the noise."
Simple...but Daddy instead of Dad just makes more sense. and I forgot the apostrophe in We're. Grrr.

It's all good... I noticed a few spelling/grammatical errors, but nothing major... I thought it was an excellent start for what we have going...

you will always find spelling/grammar errors with me. Its part of my charm. haha

To start with I love the favorite shirt theme that runs through most of the story: a symbol both of comfort and pain. I loved the memories, everything seemed very real, and I loved that he refuses to pick up the toys too. Great job:)

Einfach ausgezeichnet, dog! LOL...look it up!Typically you and I loved it. Sigh....five points, what else? lol

i added to this but upon re-reading i will rearaing the words of "this" i added into "****", your writing...wow.

Dog, wow....man your writing is phenonemal. I learn a lot from you. I have posted more chpts of "Gunther" and "Johnny Lame-O". Also read my "The Light, and The Darkness". Thanks

I love this family. You make them live and I'm not just talking about the last line. :-) I'm playing catch-up reading everyone and I actually called home from work after reading this one - just to say hey and hear the little monkeys.

"My toes and feet are bruised, dented and stubbed from walking into and on, the hundreds of kid’s toys that litter the floor of our home. I refuse to pick them up." Just one of my favorite snippets - that and the Stone's shirt.

**** - I just found out I have to follow you on this - not fair not fair not fair!!!!!
I call Re-graph!!!

Dog you really have a unique style that never fails to deliver. Great job - I love the whole 'decent into madness' characterization, and the attention to detail was fantastic. I wonder how many will get the Reaver reference ;)

Uh, er, uh, oh.... Dog? Did I break into a planned scheme of something? I apologize to all if I hosed up something with the October Chill story - I'm just now seeing references to a "Graph" in several comment sections.... sh!t I hope I didn't mess things up!!!!! Really sorry if I did.... :o(

Not at all OS! this was a planned Mash of sorts where psycho recruited 9 authors to mash one story. You just happened to MASH the same one...at the same time. and your MASH is awesome!
Because there is a set group already, your MASH cant be included...however, I have no doubt that it will be continued by someone soon. It is too good to pass up.

Rating this a 5.

You have a great meter with this one. Excellent flow. Like a lot of your work, this reads like a well-done freeverse poem. This is one of your best. If I were making detailed comments, there is very little I would flag.

Your images are perfectly chosen. Great juxtaposition between sweet and violent. I think I commented when I read your Oreo story about how it would be interesting to see you combine that sort of sentiment with your poetic brutality. You did exactly that here, and it works brilliantly, both emotional impacts being more extreme for the contrast.

I love your starting image- the bloody shirt. Love the memories attached to it. Another thing that sticks in my mind in a big way is the idea of stepping on the plastic toys. It works extremely well as a metaphor for painful memories.

Not sure I would have gone quite the direction you did plot-wise, but what you have is so masterfully written that I can't complain. This is extroidinary writing.

Now, when are you going to pick a project to focus on for publication? (Hey, if I don't nag, who will?)

Almost forgot... I love the word choice of "barely enough people to have a touch football game on Sunday".

This chapter is something I will use as an example when I critique other pieces of writing. While your style is unique and not something others could emulate exactly, you do one really important thing that's hard to teach; you manage to be descriptive without being boring.

Your "touch football game" image is a perfect example of that. You could have said, "it was a small town" and that would have been boring. Had you done that, a lot of critics would shake their heads in disapproval and say, "description is bad!" They don't really get it though; description is necessary, but you can't make it boring, can't let it get in the way of the story. So, how do you incorporate visual detail without detracting? That's virtually impossible to get across to someone, so I think I'll just link to this chapter. It's a perfect example of how description isn't inherently bad, just badly done by most people most of the time. You seem to be a natural at choosing details to include. If only I could steal your algorithm, cut and paste your source code, so to speak...

Dude, your boy is going nuts. It's good, very detailed in regards to obsession. I'm not very experienced with poetic psycho drama outside the realm of Stephen King, but you've made me realize I'm not as crazy as I sometimes feel! Thanks for the read and good luck!