try and sing it instead of reading it. use serj tankian’s voice with a filthy funky primus beat.
oh, it still makes no sense you say?
then its perfect!
your up damagecase. or ShadowedPen.
lets keep the nonsense flowing.

Love it. Reminds me of my poetic hero, Mike Patton.
(Google: Mr Bungle squeeze me macaroni) for reference.
Great work.

don't waste time. its just a bunch of words thrown together in a drunken stupor. sometimes they even rhyme!

Love where you went here. Great job.
Would still really like to see you go wild and just write whatever came out of your head.

This was so clean. I felt like it should have been dirtier. That's just me.
I noted on another of your works that I wondered what it would have been like if you threw caution to the wind and just penned what you felt, minus the constraints of structure. I wonder the same here. I felt like this had true emotion, yet was confined. Perhaps too well thought out. Probably get you an 'A' in creative writing class. Maybe win a poetry contest. But is it really how you feel?
Don't get me wrong, Im no poet. I just detest rules. I bet you could really open up and unleash a world of emotion if you let go of the rules and just poured yourself out.
My opinion. I still really liked it. great job.

Delightful.

My favorite of yours so far. Reminds me of the short story 'The Martian' by Bradbury.
**
I wonder though, your work all seems so structured. Not a bad thing for sure, and I'm not negatively critiquing it. But again, I just wonder, what you could produce if you just let the words flow. No boundaries. Ignore the rules.
Just a thought.
I loved this poem.

nicely done!

delightfully dark.

I feel you. Nice.