great job WWB!!
was this a song you wrote for your band? I found myself singing it as I read!

Um, yea, okay…so I couldn’t resist right? I figured why not keep the door open…just in case. You never know when someone is gonna get a wild hair up their arse and decide to launch into another season of ‘Toby.’
I used a tasty little tidbit crystalfoo dropped in one of her terrific chapters. Shirley had a husband. Living in Australia. Well, now he’s baaaack!

Okay, so after months of tossing and turning, sweating with indecision, stressed about what might happen to our boy Toby and the merry gang of misfits we created…I finally decided to put a lid on this one. I read back through all the chapters and was really amazed at how well we all did. Sure, there are forgotten plot lines and unbelievable mishaps and numerous inconsistencies…but hey, what do you expect when so many awesome writers collaborate on a project that they never discussed in advance! I think we did great with this one and I was damn proud of us all!
I tried to finish it up by staying true to the characters. I hope ya’all enjoy.

tomcat~ thought this was a pretty good beginning. I think your ending would have had more impact had you not titled the chapter, ‘Mother.’ Even so, I really like the eerie feel. There are a few things you should focus on. Another commenter mentioned it…you start a paragraph with ‘But wait!’ Another time you start with ‘anyhow…’ My suggestion is to read it back to yourself after you write it. Try and keep it as a story rather than a conversation you’re having. Does that make sense?
Nice work!

good action. I really liked your dedication at the beginning and the 'chapter 0.'

Damn. Whew.
This was something. Like the first chapter, terrific descriptions. I felt like a voyeur fly on the brick wall. And the end was certainly a jolt. Not sure I really want to read more. But if you write it, I will.
Suggestion: At the bottom of each chapter there is a box that indicates, ‘Write next chapter.’ Chapter twos should be continued on chapter ones.

nicely written! I especially enjoyed this:
For tho we know the hour of the setting Sun
Dying awaits tomorrow or beyond
For our bodies
for the garden
for the old tree
And in this fleeting flash of light we call life,
I must truly live.

No, you did a fine descriptive job. I can see it! There are tons of those tiny little dark alleys in big cities. It just struck me that she wasn’t fighting or screaming, when people were so close by. If she screamed, certainly a crowd would gather in the alley way?
But don’t sweat it…just my opinion. I thought the chapter was very well written and it gave me the shivers

Brutal. Nice descriptive language.
I’m confused though as to how this is happening on “a busy street in the middle of the day?”

Good start! Nice character development.