Discussion of "Jerry's Adventure - Chapter Two" by djinndarme

Great twist in the end without taking the story in a completely different direction. You have left plenty of opportunity for the next masher to stay thematically consistent and yet lots of room for creativity. Great job, DJ.

Thanks, Al. That was my biggest worry, leaving enough for other mashers to work with.

Fantastic, DJ! Short, but sweet, you got everything that needed to be there...in there...and several more little gems.

I thought you did a really good job of enlarging both Jerry and Gel's characters; in particular Jerry with the little back story. Introducing the new sales clerk worked perfectly in giving Gel the time she needed to "educate" Jerry.

Donna's brief introduction and the circumstances of her appearance were genius and I agree with al, "thematically consistent and yet lots of room for creativity". Excellent writing, DJ!

Umm...How come I can never find sales clerks like this when I go to a sex shop?

Hell, I find the ones that say that the find Pornos disgusting, and stare me down!

You have my sympathies, WBS.

Poor WBS...lol, great job djinn! I liked that you opened up a few more little back allies for the next writer, but at the same time kept it going down a one way street. ps. Not sure where the freakin' road/driving analogies are coming from! ;)

Thanks, DKK. Let's hope there are no dead ends for this summer project.

Wonderful job of opening this one up. Now I really, really feel for the guy. I can't wait to see where this goes. :D

DJ, you did an amazing job keeping with the original and yet expanding upon it. Well done!

Very funny continuation! You took the original and ran with it, so to speak - maintained the desperate grasping for some form of dignity as the awkwardness spirals out of control... Nice! Donna's sudden appearance was a great touch.

One thing I'm wondering - the first chapter seemed to hint that he was meeting someone there for a particular reason. Makes me wonder if that'll pop up (no pun intended) in ensuing chapters...

Aggeloi--Where did you see a suggestion that he was waiting for someone? I didnt' notice it before, and looking through it again I can't see it. Can you point me towards the spot?

Djinn- I thought you did a great job of keeping the same tone and voice of the original. The characters were very consistent with what was already laid down, and you set up the next writer with a GREAT ending. Still walking that fine line that keeps the awkwardness feeling real and not forced, same with the dialogue. Strong chapter all around.

Thanks, Ace! I had a hard time choosing one of WWB's stories. There were so many great ones.

I love Jerry's awkwardness, but I still want him to end up being the hero. But I guess we shall see...

Sleek, smooth, seamless. And sharp. Yessss.

Love the name, the tone, and the hanger. You nailed it. Easily the best continuation so far for this story, and that includes my attempt. Can't say I've stepped foot into a store like this, but you captured the atmosphere realistically enough that I felt like I had. Well done.

Thanks, Nash! Glad to see a comment from you.

I think this story line has taken several of us outside of our non-sex store frequenting comfort zones. But that's a good thing.