The story so far:
"BOBBY!" The Hyperwolf screamed as his daughter and fated enemy repeated slammed his best friends head into the ground, looking him straight in the eyes as she did so with a sneering grin on her glass face.
"Are you angry Father? Or shall I kill another of these pathetic mortals in order for you to fight me with all your might!?" She asked insanely.
Skylar reacted too quickly for her to account for. "Tsusharingutsu: Spaying the Demon Princess!"
"That's... WHAT THE **** MAN!?" Daniel shouted in confusion, as Cagodista raced towards him with an outstretched hand, laughing as she neared her target.
The Hyperwolf following close after her.
Rage filling his heart.
Cagodista wrenched her hand at the last second, causing Skylar to flinch and lose his concentration.
"Damn it! I almost had her!"
"YOU HAD NOTHING FOOL!" Cagodista screeched loudly as she plowed through the middle of his chest like a phantom passing through a wall.
"SKY! DAMN YOU!" Blake roared as he charged forward, the chainshurikens at his side. Daniel stood stunned as he stared at Bobby's unmoving body.
"Buddy?" He whimpered simply, unaware that his friends attacker was rocketing towards him, fingernail scythes outstretched like a eagle snatching a fish out of the water.
"FATHER! WATCH YOUR HUMAN FRIENDS DROP, LIKE FLIES AT THE ENDS OF THEIR LIFE CYCLES!"
The Hyperwolf darted in front of her, his half mask revealing the almost skeleton like grimace he bore. "You will NOT harm anymore of my friends." He spoke simply and softly.
"I beg to differ Father. I beg to differ." She muttered ungratefully. She had stopped in her tracks, Cagodista wanted to tear his heart out and eat it for lunch, but she was unable to. "Why!? Why can't I harm you!?" She growled uncertainly.
Bobby finally picked himself up off the ground, feeling the gashes on his forehead where he had smacked against the ground. "Damn it... Dan, help me up please?" He asked, still dazed from the ground pounding he had recieved.
"Why aren't you just attacking me!? YOU WANT ME TO DIE!? THEN HERE I COME!" The Hyperwolf roared as the loose fitting outfit fluttered in the unseen winds. "Glas Klon ressurection: Steuerprüfung Schrotflinte!" He shouted loudly, pushing his hands outwards in a instant, a flash of light bringing two sawed off shotguns pointed at her temples. "You go boom now." He growled as he opened his decayed jaws wide, letting loose a cackling laughter.
"You wouldn't!" Cagodista yelped as she started to step backwards. He pulled the triggers.
"Boom." He whispered as the blasts ripped through the Fusions head, shattering it like a glass heart being thrown against a brick wall.
Her body stumbled backwards for a minute or two, fell to its knees and simply sat there for another minute. The Hyperwolf turned away to tend to his friends wounds, until he heard her voice.
"You think something like that's going to kill me!? I'VE FUSED WITH THE SOUL OF A REAPER! I WILL LIVE FOREV-" He turned, walked back to the body that was still reforming her head. He looked down for a minute, thinking about what a **** headache these kinds of fights were.
"Glas Klon ressurection: verfünffachen Gatling-Gewehr." He mutteered mainly out of annoyance.
Cherry scented smoke rose up from the ground and condensed into a floating ring. Five gatling shotguns pointing inward at Cagodista's form started to whine.
"You think something like this will stop me?" She asked innocently.
Morgan had heard that tone of voice before and sighed.
"Not at all, it'll just delay you long enough for me to help my friends out. That's all. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!" He yelled out as the guns went to work, blasting the rapidly regenerating pieces away while the Hyperwolf attended to Bobby and Skylars wounds.
"Okay, you have a lot of explaining to do!" Blake demanded pointedly as he pulled out a first aid kit.
"You'll get your explanation, just as soon as I get rid of Old Reruns over there." The Hyperwolf said calmly while he wrapped some gauz around his friends head.
"Why'd you go with the whole bullets thing? You know that's not really going to have much of a effect on REALLY defeating her right?" Daniel asked as his Diamond Rubber Ducky armor disapated.
"Yeah Dan, I know. Look, guys, just get as far away as you can from here as possible."
Skylar began to protest, but he fainted from the very big whole in his chest.
"He'll be fine. He's got the Tsusharingutsu." Blake said without much concern.
"Bastard..." Skylar said as he closed his eyes for a bit.
"HELLO!? DID YOU FORGET ABOUT ME! FATHER!?" Cagodistas pissed off screeches ripped through the air like a white hot buzz saw through a frozen solid stick of butter.
"No... Just keep taking those hits and I'll be there sooner or later to abort the crap out of you!"
"YOU CAN'T ABORT SOMETHING THAT'S ALREADY BORN!"
"... Oh." the Hyperwolf said, slightly confused. He stood back up, snapped his fingers, and walked towards the still being shot to repeices Cagodista.
"This might come as a surprise to you, but I'm not really interested in fighting you. You see, every single Existence is slowly being ground together by some unknown force. I put myself up to the task of setting things right. Now, you could be like every single other douche nugget out there trying to kill me off, or you could join by your Fathers side and help set things right." He explained as nicely as he could.
She spat in his face.
"Wow. That was actually expected. Anyways, I've got places to be, and I know that since the spiral in the sky is getting tighter, I'm close to the source of all this chaos." The Hyperwolf turned away, snapped his fingers and disappeared in a puff of smoke, in his place, a massive, creaky old pirate ship rose up from the ground like a two week old splinter being pushed out of the skin.
"WHO THE **** ARE YOU!? Cagodista screamed at the pirate captain who walked up to her.
"The names Captain Jake Boiling Waters at your service. I can be of great help to you, or simply snap my fingers and take you to a place where nothing lives, dies, enters, or escapes. Your choice lady."
Cagodista raged at Captain Jake for five minutes before calming down.
He whispered something into the microphone on the inside of his lapel, eyed her for a minute, then continued chittering into it much to her annoyance.
"Just what ARE you doing?" Cagodista asked out of curiousity when she found that yelling no longer helped the situation she was in.
"Talking to your Father. Great fighter he is, took me and my men down in two moves! That's two more than most people we've come up against usually get to make."
"And what is father telling you?" She asked, hurt that he wouldn't spend more time fighting her.
"He says that unless you calm the **** down, he'll return and beat the ever loving snot out of you with every Allie and Enemy he has at his disposal. And believe you me, that number is far, far, FAR larger than either you, I, or any of my smartest men can figure." He replied calmly as he rested his hands on the hilt of his sword.
Cagodista gave Captain Jake a look that suggested he go shove a flag pole up somewhere extremely unpleasant.
"I'll not wait for his forgiveness, nor his repremandation! I AM CAGODISTA! A SPIRIT OF DEATH DWELLS WITH IN ME! AND HIS NAME IS BOB JONES!" she roared, outstretching her arms in a fashion that suggested she was choking onsome air.
Captain Jake stared at her in disbelief, then to his First Mate, and back to her again.
She was on a horse.
He squinted his eyes with some displeasure, slung his sword outward as it passed through her neck, and put it back in the scabbard.
"But... I have Bob!" She whimpered as her head lolled to one side, the slash from his weapon growing red and white with blood.
"Yeah... But all Existences are grinding together."
"I AM BOB JONES!"
"YOU are psychochotic!" The captain shouted as he rushed over to the First Mate, ordered the ship to drop anchor, and put the damned thing in reverse.
The ship screeched as the newly added wheels squeaked and groaned under the weight of everything. Cagodista could only watch with stunned silence as her head fell off again, plopping on the ground as the old, ancient, and angry voice of Bob spoke to her in hushed tones. "For all your posturing, you're still a weakling."
She immediately picked her head back up, dusted it off, slapped it on her neck and with a single twist, secured everything where it should've been in the first place.
"I'll not be deterred by some second rate pirate turned baby sitter by the likes of my Father. Unlucky for him, I can track his trail." Cagodista said, admiring her peticularly shiny glass skin.
The Reaper Bob, after much dismay, patience, and cunning, took a chance with speaking a thought he had been holding back for quite some time now.
"You're part Red Neck aren't you?" He asked from inside her mind.
"Pretty much. I think it might partly be the Diamond Strands fault." She muttered under her breath. A few minutes later, she was distracted by a blinking flashlight. "SHINY!"
Captain Jake Boiling Waters looked up to the tightening spiral in the sky and wondered what would become of his beloved ship if the merging ever completed.
This question was answered by his accountant, Corgy the Counting Dog.
Who simply walked the plank, fell to the ground, rolled over, exposed his belly for a minute, and after much consideration, summoned the dark god C'thulu with all of his might to rub his belly for a few minutes.
C'thulu did this exceptionally well, though in his demonic and Existence hating mind, he wondered how he could've ever been demolished to this state.
Then he remembered a link that a friend sent him via Facebook, Klout.
It turned out that while he had well over two billion Klout and couting...
Corgy the Counting Dog had a staggering seven hundred trillion.
This displeased a nearby Chris Hanson, who only had a nearly as staggering, but not quite enough, six hundred and ninety nine trillion.
He was thumbed into the ground by C'thulu, who continued rubbing Corgy the Counting Dog's belly for two more minutes.
This pleased Bobby in some way. He couldn't figure out why.
Meanwhile, Cagodista walked forward as a dark fog rolled over her awkwardly nude body, creating a rotted meat dress.
Since she didnt have a sense of smell, she couldn't smell the horrid stench that emenated from it.
As she walked passed Corgy the Counting Dog, he simply exploded into a meaningless fireball, freeing C'thulu from his demented servitude.
"FREED FROM THIS BELLY RUBBING HELL AT LONG LAST!" he shouted, punching his fists into the air in a way that also suggested he too was choking on some air.
"Nuh uh! You! Here! Now! I've got two billion one hundred thousand Klout!" She commanded him.
He gave her the finger, which put him one more point over her, and disappeared in a puff of what Captain Jake's first mate could only describe as "The worst CMA acceptance speech, ever."
Cagodista would not be denied her vengeance as she whispered a few spells under her breath, froze time in which the fusion tore Captain Jake, his crew, and his ship into splinters, screeched with as much fury as a parakeet being fed a Jolly Rancher, and shot off in the direction the Hyperwolf had gone.
"YOU SHALL NOT DENY ME MY BIRTH RIGHT FATHER!" Cagodista rocketed towards her Fathers location with harrowing, and quiet frankly, enough speed to make the nearby group of disappointed Scientists spit out their victory jello shots, have hearts attacks, reanimate, finish their jello shots, and go on a cannibalistic rampage in a newly rebuilt Gummy Bear village.
This pleased Bobby, even though he was no where near the village, victims, zombie scientists, or a TGIFridays for that matter.
And thus, he returned to his jigsaw puzzle.
The Hyperwolf lept from terrifying moutain peak to city curb to grassy hill and finally, off of a tenth time reanimated Ed Burton II eating a Skittle. Ed Burton II, for all intents and purposes, helped fling a bag of potatoes to some random spot.
Simply because he was Ed Burton II.
That and he was a complete ****.
The Hyperwolf simply kept going towards the hypergiant sized center of the massive spiral, where he believed the Core to lay. He saw mixtures of every place he had been to, and the places that his friends had been as well.
Everywhere from the battlefield where he, Sarah, the Deom army, and others had fought a bloody battle to defeat the Beast.
To the grave yard where he, Nordafet, and Caasi had encountered the tennis ball shooting bats.
To the Singolarita Dimensionale where the House of the Irrational had welcomed them with open arms.
He saw faces of both friend and foe alike.
He witnessed the Nightmare King fall at the hands of his son, Resaec.
He watched as Barney Fife fought like a demon against the Gaurdians of Reality.
He relived the terror of the Dread Queen as she plundered, pillaged, and murdered everyone and thing in sight while in service to the Chasm of Nonexistence.
These things and more swirled into the vast nothingness.
The Event Horizon.
The point where everything would converge.
The place where the strongest parts of every Existence, Reality, Dimension, Universe, solar system, planet, and moon would be taken in, and the lesser be torn into oblivion with their atoms scattered into nothingness.
"Things are getting tighter, more chaotic, less reasonable, and definitely more dangerous." He said to no one in particular. His goldish green eyes flickering from one point of interest to another as he continued his journey. "I only hope that I'm not too late." The Hyperwolf immediate sensed danger as ten double decker sized screws slammed into the air around him, each missing him by just a few feet. "Really? I don't have time for you just yet... Daughter." He slowly said, feeling out each word as if there was some hidden magic to them.
"FIGHT ME!" She screamed harshly, seering her vocal cords with anger. "I AM YOUR NEWBORN CHILD! BORN OF THE BLOOD OF THE EIGHT STRANDS WHICH BIND ALL TOGETHER! THOSE STRANDS, WHICH YOU, FATHER, HAVE GIVEN CREATION TO!" Cagodista yelled fruitlessly, angered that her father wouldn't give her what she desired.
He turned around mid leap, the remaining half of the black visor lifting of its own accord, and glared at her.
"I have more important things to attend to than the piddling needs of a newborn life. If you wish to fight against me, than help me defeat the Core, if not, then fall away from this madness of yours and kill something which does not have a more pressing matter to attend to!" He sneered back as the visor slipped back into place, he landed backward and jumped towards the next mountain peak.
"DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE ME FATHER! NOT NOW! I WANT YOUR BLOODLESS HEART IN MY HAND, PUMPING ITS LAST!" Cagodista roared as thunderclouds formed all around the two as she chased him into unfamiliar territory.
The hyperwolf remained silent as he fought the brutish winds, dodged the thousands of lightning flashes, and slashed apart the shards of hyper-Condalisa Riced atomphere.
"It's getting worse." He growled uncomfortably. "Girl, let me explain something to you... And I'm only going to do this once. So shut the FLYING **** UP AND LISTEN ALREADY!"
This got her attention as the sphere of thunderclouds burst into a massive ocean in which tidal swells rose three hundred stories, crested another five hundred, and exploded into frozen spires of diamond like froth.
"You see that spiraling storm of your **** in the sky?" He asked without turning around.
She looked up, seeing the day and night sky swirling together like a demented pinwheel, and a great sense of unease entered her mind as the voices of the Strands begged her to let the Hyperwolf finish his task. After a few seconds, her arrogance returned, and she nodded slightly.
"Good. For some reason, two forces, Existence and Nonexistence, that were originally deathly opposed to each other, are now working together, another faction, the Core, is grinding everything together. The infinite versions of you, me and everyone or thing or place that you've seen, touched, talked to, struck down... Everything WILL be ground together! I'm not alone in trying to stop the Core. Other versions of myself are trying their damndest to stop this thing too. "
"What's that got to do with me killing you!?" Cagodista asked furiously, not bothering to question the maddening pulse of hatred that drove her unending thirst for her fathers blood.
"Think about it, the Core wants the very best of everything." The Hyperwolf continued to explain, as the spiraling day and night sky became ever tighter.
The ocean now becoming a demonic version of the Chuck E. Cheese ball pit that was thousands of leagues deep and wide. The various colored plastic balls, a carniverous life form unto themselves, swam over one another looking for their next meal, as hundreds of thousands of trembling toddlers, kids, and teenagers struggled for dear life not to fall off the slowly sinking rubber boats their drunken parents had pushed them into.
Cagodista felt a sudden urge to help as many of the children as she could, confused as to why her father hadn't decided on the same thing.
"Leave them, in a few moments they won't have existed anyways." He said coldly, but struggled to believe the words himself. "Every Existence is grinding together as I've stated before. Every version of myself is trying to stop it. If we don't succeed, if we failed, then Existence, Limbo, and Nonexistence will disappear, only to replaced by a single ten square mile patch of a single blank plane. No life on it. No design. Just perfect, utter, blankness."
"SHUT THE **** UP AND FIGHT ME ALREADY!" His daughter roared, her eyes turning a blindingly bright white with horizontal dark purple slits for pupils.
He sensed the change immediately, and a single spear of dread slammed through his body.
A high brimmed cloak of white, black, and grey rainbows materialized over her glass segmented body. Her hair flowed raven black and tied itself into a standing lopsided bow.
"Tsusharingutsu: Third evolution: Diamond mines haunted apple pie." Cagodista whispered as she lifted a single finger in front of her lips.