Without even reading it all, you lost me. Too much narration about who what and why in the first paragraph. You don't say what's happening in the characters life all at once. You take your time with that and show us rather than tell us what's going on. Needs more work.

wow... i don't think the title fits the story. And wow... is all I have to say because nothing positive is really going to come out. I'm just the wrong reader for this =/

I like it.

Okay. This is cool, but could be so much better, don't start off the beginning with talking about humans like your talking to us. Show us how you feel through action or something. Too much narration, but this story has some potential. Keep it up. =)

Interesting. Is this supposed to be a poem? If so, make the end of the word rhyme, but if this isn't... I'd like to see more. However, I kind of want to know more, unless this wasn't a story. Keep it up =)

I think this is good work. keep it up! I'll give this 4 stars =)

Write a chapter a day. It won't make sense and don't try to hard just write without revisions and you will be dine like in two weeks so u can then look back and edit.

I want to read something good! Hit me up or post your stories below!

This is a cool read but you need to stop changing point of views with the ***

Very well said! I enjoyed this piece and the ending was perfect! Great closure.