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Discussion of "Prowling Tiger, Hidden Human" by creativesoul


1 kissthepony 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

I love the way it pulls one in! Though if I may offer some critique, vary up your punctuation; there is an overabundance of commas where other breakers could be used to be more dramatic. :D


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1 creativesoul 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

kissthepony: thanks for your feedback. And of course, critique. I am new to this, and the only way to learn is to listen, so thank you, I may revise this peice, see if I can make it better :)


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1 AngelsLoveMe777 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

I like it. I think you did it very well.


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1 creativesoul 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

Thanks for your feedback AngelsLoveMe777, I really appreciate it. Its always hard when you first start out, putting your work out there for others to critique. It feels so personal, but its the only way to grow and learn :)


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1 cjbishop 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

I enjoyed this and how you did great making us see through the tiger's eyes. Even with the descriptions, making things that we know all too well alien and foreign. Great job. Good pace as well. Interested in seeing what exactly those curious upright creatures are up too. :)


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1 cjbishop 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

And welcome to SM :)


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1 creativesoul 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

Thanks alot cjbishop :) much appreciated.


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1 dkk4510 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

CJBishop said this, "Even with the descriptions, making things that we know all too well alien and foreign." And I couldn't of said it any better. Great debut! I'm definetaly going to keep my eye on you. Although, as your first comment mentioned, there was an overabundance of sorts, you're story was good enough to pull me past it and forget about it until I read that comment. You'll learn two things about me when I comment on a piece, 1. I'm really couldn't care less about puncuation, grammer, and whatnot erros as long as the story is good enough, story matters, nothing else and 2. I don't sugar coat anything so I'm not just being nice, it was really a good read. Well done creativesoul, and again Welcome!


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1 writerwannabe 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

Welcome to SM, creativesoul!

I liked the story, especially that your main character is a tiger and the story is told through his/her eyes. I thought you did an excellent job...as dkk and cj noted...of showing us familiar things in the alien view of the tiger.

Like dkk, I don't worry wart over grammar unless it's so bad that it throws me out of a story, however, there are a couple of things I would caution you about:

Use of adverbs. You use a lot of these and they tend to drag down the sentences they are used in. In Stephen King's "About Writing", he lists the use of adverbs as a cardinal sin...lol. To each his own, I say...but, I eliminate every adverb I can...;o)

Use of the word slowly and very. You use these words frequently..too much, I think. I can see that you are writing to create a specific and detailed picture, but these two words sometimes have the opposite effect and redundancy of word use is something to avoid, whenever possible...;o)

All in all a good piece and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!


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1 djinndarme 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

Ditto, WWB. The idea is strong and I'd like to know what happens next. (Important for any story.) You may be able to strengthen the "punch" the story has by removing adverbs and using more descriptive verbs.

I look forward to reading more from you.


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1 djinndarme 4 years, 6 months ago Reply

Ditto, WWB. The idea is strong and I'd like to know what happens next. (Important for any story.) You may be able to strengthen the "punch" the story has by removing adverbs and using more descriptive verbs.

I look forward to reading more from you.


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1 BazookoJones 4 years, 5 months ago Reply

This is one descript tiger! I was sort of hoping it'd be less explained, more action, ala a tiger on the prowl, but I dug it man. Nice concept. Well done.


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