All Comments by chrys337

Very good! I like that her name is Lizzie- a nickname given to her by someone else, lends a little-girl-like nostalgia to her character, which is a terrific and terrifying counterpoint to her reality. Great details.

Great dialogue!

Very compelling- the last scene with the guy who turns it back on our hero is a little rushed, like it came out of nowhere... I would have liked to see more build up for that one, especially because it brings self-awareness to someone who had previously acted without it. Great job!

Yikes! I forgot the reference to third period in the text when I was naming the thing. Drat. Sorry, dear readers, please forgive.

Love it! Thanks for the smile. Merry Christmas.

Intriguing!

I didn't read it- the font makes it nearly illegible.

I would suggest you continue to write through these hard times. It will give you experience and a different outlook that may be valuable from a future perspective.

Life is not only about finances.

I think your intro sentence (as quoted below) could use some help- it took me a few minutes to figure out what this means.

"This is beta feature is a representation of the entire story this chapter is part of."

Other than that, for my first day after finding the site, I think this is a great creative outlet for a lot of writers- I'm looking forward to improving my work and seeing what else is out there.

It seems like the contests and rating system can turn out to be more of a popularity contest than an indication of good/poor writing. I hope there's a way to get past it and make it a place to improve our writing and share our creative ideas.

Thanks for putting in the time and effort- great site!