Discussion of "the sound machine-2" by chloe

Great job Chloe! I thought you kept up the tone really well, I loved the French country debate, that was perfect. The astrophysicist husband and the hints of conspiracy help give the plot direction. Are the orderly and Leonard connected somehow? Very nice chapter:)

Thanks so much honeygloom,
I liked the first chapter so much I gave chapter 2 a go. I tried to hint at a connection there- I know it seems a little obvious...but its not set in stone if anyone wants to pick up this chapter. Had a little trouble trying to write a french accent too! Channeling Pepe la Pew! Thanks for reading and giving your feedback!
Chloe

I should've waited 10 minutes and followed up your storyline! I like the fact that you restored the verb tense and provided more descriptive language.

I imagined that the box is able to trigger swarming behavior (e.g. the 1850s Mormon cricket invasion or biblical plagues of locusts, frogs...) Imagine similar subliminal "swarming" messages were directed at humans (Maggie's popcorn craving, her behavioral change and her conspiracy with Karen). I'm picturing an evil combination of "Invasion of the body snatchers" and Hitchcock's "The birds." What better modern day equivalent to a "pod" than the "Made in..." plastic electro-junk from Stuff-Mart!

I probably disqualified myself from this storyline by publishing a mini chapter so I thought I'd raise this suggestion in case anyone else is interested. Maybe more author collaboration would help us develop multi-author storylines which stay coherent but don't become too predictable.

Oh! I see where you're going! Love it! for some reason, I was reading more the soundwave aspect- I was watching a show on space which talked about how all of our radio and TV signals are somewhere out in space- I got thinking about some alien- listening to leave it to beaver.different sounds inducing different trance-like states/behaviors. I was hinting at something sort of sci-fi- how "intelligent Life" could control we minions with an inocuous plastic box- thus the astrophysics reference- I think visigoth wrote a great start - the scariest tales are of the commonplace things in our lives taking on a life of their own- for evil purposes hahaha (insert cliche' evil laugh) I'd love to be involved with a multi-author storyline- wonder how that could work? any ideas?- I guess the beauty of mashing on the other hand, is that each writer"reads" a story differently- like ten people witnessing a car accident- everyone sees things through their own lens, I love seeing storylines go in a direction I never would have pictured. But I really love your swarming idea- that flew right over my insect-phobic head! maybe you write a revised chapter-a little longer? best of luck!
Chloe

"I'd love to be involved with a multi-author storyline. wonder how that could work."

Wouldnt you consider this to be a multi-author storyline? If not, please define what you think is. We are always looking for fresh ideas for projects!

I'm not sure what an-doc meant exactly either, maybe plan an outline or collaborate as its written or bounce ideas off eachother as we go? The fun of mashing is the element of surprise though!

Chloe,
Thanks, Yes, I like your idea. According to the author of "The World Without Us", our interstellar radio/TV signals and our plastic junk will probably be our most enduring legacy. Parts of this would fit into the swarm idea. No one really knows what triggers locusts/crickets/bees to go from normal "everyone for himself" behavior to swarms. But imagine if that trigger could be found for all earth animals including humans?

Regardless of whether it "counts" for this contest/project, I think I'm going to try to continue somehow just to let you all know what I was thinking. It's the story that matters right? ;-). I was having keyboard problems so I'm just lucky it didn't get submitted in an even less coherent form. This time I'll try to leave it as a draft for a while.

Thanks!
Could you possibly write a completely new story- start to finish, involving your idea- not taking from visigoth's start of course- for the horror anthology project short story collection?Anything swarming is a pretty scary idea so I think it would work with the genre.
Best of luck- would love to read it!
Chloe

chloe~
Every chapter I read from you is impressive. This was no exception. I had an issue with the time it took for Leonard to get to the hospital after he called. This could easily be part of the conspiracy you seemed to design, like maybe he was already in route or something…however Maggie could have been more surprised to see him getting out of the car. Not just because he figured out where they were, but because he made it there in like 5 minutes.
I love the conspiracy angle as long as it continues to live within the ‘horror’ realm. I think your introduction of new characters and the way you moved the plot along was terrific.
I really, really like this storyline so far.
I voted you a five.

Thanks so much dogdeity11,
I agree with the time issue! I could have put something to indicate that more time had passed besides the brief dialogue and walk down the hall, which as you said probably took all of five minutes. I was hinting at conspiracy- maybe something on a grand scale, government involvement oooh... etc.. "Horror" isn't really my genre- I suppose I really don't have a "genre" as the stories I've written here over the past month have been the only ones I've written for anyone to actually read, since third grade (lol) I am a little murky-are there certain elements that separate horror from suspense from sci-fi? or is it a -you know it if you read it sort of situation. Thanks again for your feedback and support!
Chloe

Actually chloe, I’m in a similar position as you. I hadn’t written anything but my signature in years until I stumbled across StoryMash, so I feel you. As far as Sci-Fi vs. Horror…in my opinion it’s a pretty fine line. I mean, Alien was sci-fi, but it scared the hell out of me when I first saw it. A Government conspiracy can be terrifying…as long as it contains some sort of creepy or freaky element. The Government is experimenting with humans in some clandestine way. Our character and his girl are unwitting test subjects as they purchased the ‘sound machine.’ Maybe there are a handful of others in the immediate area too. Definitely could work. It’s not Horrror in the traditional sense…but then, what does this sound machine do to people? Maybe it has a side effect that wasn’t even considered. Maybe it turns humans into killing machines, or maybe it communicates with the dead.
Guess we will see what others come up with.
In the meantime, I for one am delighted you have picked writing back up. You are talented! I look forward to going through all your chapters when time permits.

Thanks Dogdeity11,
Alien was what came to mind for me too (still have nightmares) Wow I think you just gave the next chapter writers about 300 fabulous ideas! Do you still contribute chapters? Thanks again!
Chloe

I do still contribute thanks for asking. Click into my moniker and you will find I’ve posted several new chapters over the past few weeks.
Recently however I've been focused more on the development of the projects. I'm really excited about getting some of these terrific stories published!

Hi Chloe, what a great chapter! While the first chapter is truly excellent and introduces such a creepy concept and mystery, this one sets the pace for the rest of the story, and it is a pleasure to be part of it. I am afraid I trashed you swarming idea in my chapter 4 effort- well, not entirely. I wanted all of the settings on the machine to have different effects on the victims, and I took the whole thing global, I guess you might say. I hope you enjoy my contribution, and look forward to your feedback.

This was the way I thought it should go, but never thought of someone after his oh so secret work. Amazing.