Discussion of "Rennaissance Man" by chloe

Hi guys,
Was thinking of this for the horror project but it might be too "PG" (lol)
Chloe

Hi Dwayne, thanks! I'm so jealous!- I was in Rome about a million years ago as a "starving art student" and fell in love with it! I was actually thinking this could be a complete story in the horror section, but realized it wasn't really horror! oops! I did rush at the end because I was running out of my 2000 allotted words(lol)- You're right though, I should have cut it off to add suspense- maybe when he got arrested and kept it as a mash. I guess something creepy could happen on the plane and his momentary sense of relief could be over! Thanks so much for your feedback! Right on target!
Chloe

Chloe:

This was great! I've never been to Rome, but my brother has and you described a few places that he told me about, but I felt like I was there reading your prose. One little tiny nitpick (sorry). The line where Ethan is talking about wanting a "new leash on life", I don't know if it was intentional, but I always thought to phrase was "lease on life" not "leash."

Exquisitely written, however I agree with Dwayne the ending seemed rushed. In my opinion, this is a great story, however, not much horror. Maybe a few more "dream murders" and then a ominous ending, not a big cover up would help in this case. Overall, great story!!
EA

Thanks expression! I don't know why I put leash(lol) did I invent a new saying?- I think I should have left it as a mash and not included the cover up. I did want to try to suggest how easily he was corruptable to give it sort of a darker but still happy ending. I think I just needed more words and couldn't fit it all in effectively. You're right, more of the dreams would add to the eerieness. I really can't wrap my mind around horror- but I have another idea brewing I may try to push myself! Would love to check your horror piece out! Again thanks for your input!
Chloe

L liked this Chloe. Your writing style keeps my attention.

In my opinion you could do better for the HAC....

Thanks Blackhand!- I realized half way through it wasn't very horror- I struggled creating an entire storyline in 2000 words or less- I need to learn to edit!
Chloe

Good work; a healthy, engaging pace. 4 stars. (I agree with the comments of DH, EA, and TBH, so I'll dismiss restatement.)
You're right about the difficulties of that 2000wd limit- I, too, am currently grappling with the narrow stage which both depth and conclusion must share.
I've yet to read anything else of yours, but will do so soon (perhaps immediately,)!

Hi inuitennui,

Thanks so much for your comments! This was my first try at a complete story- start to finish and it was definately a struggle to create a compelling read without making the characters two dimensional or skimping on descriptive detail- but write and learn- I'd love to read some of your work as well! Thanks again- feedback is much appreciated!
Chloe

Hi Chloe!

I thought this was a really great story. I wasn't sure whether Ethan was being set up or whether it was going to take a supernatural, "Twilight Zone" turn. Great suspense :)

Lindsey

Hi Lindsey,
Thanks so much!I started out thinking it would be "twilight zonish" too but thought having it be a set up would be more surprising. glad you liked it!
Chloe