Discussion of "Nature and Phenomenon" by bgarzon
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Cornelius 3 years, 10 months ago
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Maybe it could flow a little more smoothly but overall I like it. I can well sense the personalities. Keep it up! |
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Alkamyst 3 years, 10 months ago
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Not bad at all. ;-) |
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mjm942 3 years, 10 months ago
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The dialogue is awkward. Try saying your dialogue aloud to yourself as you write it. If it isn't something you or someone you know would say--don't write it. But I did like the story and would be interested to see how Nature and Phenomenon tie into it. |
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bgarzon 3 years, 10 months ago
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Yeah I now see there are times were I go into the past in the story and that's a bit confusing. :) |
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