Discussion of "August- Chapter 4" by ariaterra
writerwannabe 2 years, 4 months ago
Plot is coming along nicely, as is character development. As I'm sure I mentioned before, I'm not stickler for detail; but a little more of that would greatly help your story. You mentioned, finally, in this chapter about how the girl was getting food... although the part of "taking" small bits of the librarians lunch seems a bit over the top.
hidden comment from writerwannabe with score of 1
ariaterra 2 years, 4 months ago
thank you for the tips, and the compliments:) I did reconsider the sentance about the man with his hands in his pockets, but out of sheer laziness I didn't edit it (blushes). As far as stealing from the librarians, I admit I got that idea from another book, considering she had to eat something. Good point about bathing...
hidden comment from ariaterra with score of 1