Discussion of "August- Chapter 4" by ariaterra

Plot is coming along nicely, as is character development. As I'm sure I mentioned before, I'm not stickler for detail; but a little more of that would greatly help your story. You mentioned, finally, in this chapter about how the girl was getting food... although the part of "taking" small bits of the librarians lunch seems a bit over the top.

How about bathing? After several months she must be getting pretty ripe....lol. Does she sneak into a local gym? Maybe she goes to a YWCA? Something.

A couple of things in this chapter that threw me off a little. The man on the roof has his hands (plural) in his pockets, and yet, he's holding a cup of tea. The girl prepared to tell her story and in the next line she was finished.

Small things, to be sure; but, you are much too good a writer to overlook them...;o)

thank you for the tips, and the compliments:) I did reconsider the sentance about the man with his hands in his pockets, but out of sheer laziness I didn't edit it (blushes). As far as stealing from the librarians, I admit I got that idea from another book, considering she had to eat something. Good point about bathing...