Thank you for the critique. I admit that I had a very hard time writing like the first chapter. It's written in a pretty unique style.

I totally agree. I enjoyed it from start to finish. Well written, short and to the point.

As someone who can't sleep, I really liked the piece. And while, Yes, I agree that it's better suited for a poem, I disagree with the idea that comments would make it easier to read. Or, more appropriately, I think that it isn't supposed to be easy to read. Looking at the words, there are definite effects that the author is trying to achieve, and I think making the piece difficult to read is one of them just as it is difficult to be "She. Who. Was." Perhaps I am reading too much into it, but I think that the author is trying to put us in the character's own skin.

Hey- I really like this piece. I don't always find it easy to get into writing but I was engrossed almost right away. Eden's character is very likeable. The only quibble (and believe me that it is incredibly picayune) is your use of the word vacuous in relation to Eden being hungry. I understand what you're saying, I just think that you could use a better word there. But otherwise, that's it. I really enjoyed your writing.

I think that one could have a lot of fun with it, actually. I think that the second capter creates a new hero to offset the other creature. Tamara could come to Robbie in dreams from another world or something like that.

Love it! Brilliant!! I'm still laughing. Glad to see that there is someone as sick as I am in this world...