Thanks! :) I've been dinged before for the little typos and just wanted people to know I'm aware. You're right though, the silly things always manage to find their way in. Thanks again! :)

Great start, but it could be better. There's some grammatical and spelling issues, and use of 'except' when it should be 'accept', but overall good ideas. Also, you might want to pay attention to tenses a bit more. It made the whole thing a little sloppy going back and forth between past and present tense, and then made the transition to the recall very confusing.

I'm with Jake. It's lovely, but I'd love more.

A great start, but a bit too short to really get anything started.

Before anyone says anything, I do realize there are a few typos. Namely, the comma in the second paragraph (...such BS, though), the accidental singular "brother" when the king tells her to cry in the gardens, and the misspelling of Jargis towards the end. Oy. I proofread twice and still didn't catch those. If you see any others, though, let me know. Thanks!

Heh. Yeah, I'm at a call center and it's really boring in between the calls right now, so this passes the time quickly. And shows where my weak points are, I guess. Now, to sit at home and write something actually worthwhile... :)

While I realize that there a lot of great stories out there about real life that get down into the nitty-gritty, this is just obscene and vulgar. There's barely a plot and the characters are flimsy.

Did I really write "Amy and his mother"? Oh jeez, I did. How embarassing. And that's after proofreading twice. How very embarassing. Anyone want to help me proofread pieces in the future?

Thanks guys. I've actually been writing for awhile, but you guys have good points. Of course, it doesn't help that I wrote this at work, in between calls. :p I guess I'm too used to writing longer pieces, novels and whatnot. Trying to cram things into something short is new for me. But hey, that's the point for me here. Winning would be nice, but sharpening my skills and doing new things can help. Obviously.