I was lying awake counting neighborhood screams while trying to fall asleep that night.  If you must know, the score is 3 pleasure, 5 pain,  2 undecided. The imagined words of my former boss, Mr. Heston came to me immediately before the 5th scream of pain,

"If onwy yew hawd obsorved..." 

Would that really have made the difference?  If so, why couldn't Heston, or History or someone else have been the death-repelling observer for Mr. Taylor?  Or why couldn't Taywo obsorve himself?  And why didn't he obsorve the proper dosage on his Nitro-Viagreheparin and the amount of smuggled $150 Scotch the label says you're not to drink with it?  And what about the 5.99 odd billion people who aren't being "obsorved" by me at this moment?  If one or ten thousand score of those should die as the result of my Olympic class Tetris propensity, should I be blamed? 

At $100 a pop I can't afford to fit the world with webcams and even if I were to assign only 1 pixel per soul, I'd need a 100240 X 20480 XXLVGA resolution computer monitor on which to display the teaming, unhuddled masses of microscopic squares... each relendlessly fading to nothing over the course of 0 to 122 years.  And what if some people were like History, requiring one observer for them whilst they huddled under a proverbial (or actual) couch and another simultaneous observer as they balanced high atop a great wall, taunting Fate?  Surely Skeletor wouldn't suffer the inconvenience of having to double-team humanity with the likes of me.  I can scarcely get her to say "Hello." 

"Good Morning!" I would smile.

"Ja," She would frown, doubtfully. 

"Guten Tag!" I would offer.

"Ja," she would sneer. 

"Guten Nacht?"

"Hhhrmmph."

But then who would be better to keep half an eye on half of humankind than a woman with the ghastly lit-from-below appearance Nazi spotlight operators had while overlooking Stalag 17 on grim November nights? 

"Hmmmnn." I said unexpectedly... and frightningly aloud, "Perhaps I should ask her what she is doing next Tuesday." 

For reasons already discussed we obviously can't watch all of humanity on our first date, but perhaps we can can start by watching just one. Fate's master's living room is conveniently located within eyeshot of Skeletor's kitchen window.  Perhaps the two of us can watch him for a couple of hours before "The Secret Lives of Manhattan's Gray Squirrels" comes on the TV.  I know, you're probably thinking that Biffo isn't the kind of person who would be very interesting to watch, save for those who endeavor to learn how to rebuild American Motors 6-cylinder engines while drunk, but then you never know with people...  Do you?