Home. The place where, When you've got to go there, they have to take you in. And I have to go home. There's no way I can do this alone.
I'm spinning so fast I don't know which way is North, but it doesn't matter cos I know I'm heading down, and I can't bring down the people I love.

I never knew what I wanted out of life, I just wanted to be left alone. Anyone who's put their mum to bed with a bucket more times than they ever got a kiss-goodnight knows what I'm talking about. As for my dad - I wished he was dead. Everyone's parents get divorced, it shouldn't hurt so much - just a regular over-the-counter pain. I wished my dad was dead, but now I just wish he wasn't my dad.

I never knew what I wanted out of life but college changed all that. I could be anything, or anyone. I'm beef grisle, tough and chewy, I'm a carefree summer Sunday afternoon, I'm crazy, lazy, happy, wild. I'm whatever-you-want me to be but please love me. I even tried lesbianism for a semmester.

All these new beginnings. Thousands of girl-and-boy beginnings, as they stumbled with unshaven cheeks, fake ID and too much makeup. All that pheremone-fueled optomism. Even I was infected. New beginnings. New start. New family. But now it's all collapsing in. Sometimes I'm so numb it's like the volume has been turned way down, but then the panic hits and I can read a novel in the tiniest gesture.

How can I tell them? They have there own new beginnings, all over again. Graduate jobs. Internships. Teaching English abroad. I smile, but I don't mean it. Inside is my new beginning. He/she is only a few cells, but that's all it takes. After all a tumour is only a few cells.

My little tumour needs a name. I have to go home.