Discussion of "See Whole Ice-chap 2" by alharris

The grammar and flow are all there. I'm just waiting for something to jump out and grab me though...

Thanks for reading a draft! I appreciate the feedback. It's a work-in-progress. I am working up to the jumping and grabing stuff. I needed this chap as kind of a bridge to ...chap 3.

alharris, your style is amazing to me. I am quickly becoming a fan because its obvious to me that you know what your doing. You can put together a sentence, establish plot, characters and storyline, then most importantly, you deliver. A lot of people just don't understand that just because nothing is immediately happening in the story, that doesn't mean it sucks. I demand more of this piece.

Yeah there's definitely the danger lurking there in the woods. I can feel it building.

Humorous background on his relationship with the bully - and beautiful cliffhanger at the ending. I like how you brought in the concept of 'seeing the whole ice' again at the end.

Agg took the words out my mouth...or, outta my fingers and keyboard...lol.

So, I'll just add that this is really excellent writing. Your characters are developing very well...as it the plot and sub-plots. Off to read chapter three!..;o)

"She's a beast! A cute beast, but still a beast." LOL, that was my favorite part! Your dialoge was supreb and the scene/setting was awesomely described. Well done. I love you imagination. Great addition, now to read the next.

Wow man, the ending really sent a chill through me...on to chpt 3.

My favorite part was the descriptions of how his mom feels about the pictures. And he he imagined just what the pictures were. Great story, pulling me right along nicely.