I like your writing style. The beginning was a bit rough but it picked up just the right amount of tension to keep the reader glued to the page...at least those readers who got past the title. No need to state 'adult content'. There was none here.If it changes in a future chapter then the disclaimer can be added then. I normally pass on adult content themes and would not have read this excellent piece of writing had Peppz not commented on it. Please write the next chapter and show us where you want it to go.

It's good to be back. Your own travels will lead to more great writing. Where did your adventures take you? Second thought, I'll look forward to your writing so that it may tell me all that.

Good catch. We learn much from observing our elders. My themes often try to convey that role model-learning requires exercising a filter in order to embrace only what fits for each of us and disregarding what does not. At the same time I try not to allow my characters to disrespect what they disregard. Thanks for the comment, Peppz. This is still in draft form. Are you suggesting that I change the older character's dialog so that the reader is not lead in the wrong direction?

You do a great job bringing the reader along as sights and sounds surround the main character. You describe scenes well. Present tense is hard, but you pull it off very well. I could do without the flashback past tense F word rant. It seemed out of character.

Your grasp of the language is fine. My main observation is that the beginning needs more 'show' and less 'tell.'

You have a beautiful home town. I spent the weekend there cheering for my daughter at a gymnastics tournament. That's where I saw the bats. What a sight to see at dusk as they rise from the bridge and circle the city, one million strong! For me the bats were simply a possible plot-developing vehicle appropriate to the setting. I left it up to anyone else to develop it if they so chose. I pride myself in appreciating dialectic differences. 'Skillet' from now on in the Great State of Texas.

I'm the same way. You did good creating a melodic cadence.

You tied this story up like a pro. Great job.

Glad to see you're still writing. Just a little typo: "She was now at a point in her live..." Switch 'live' for 'life'. But you knew that.

...oops...it's good to see new writers working on their craft in SM. Nice creativity here. Give me a little more Show, a little less Tell. The cloud hierarchy is fascinating. Develop it further.