Discussion of "In the shroud of shadow part 3" by Xylith

I wrote this in the into but it did not appear so I will write it again.
I wish to thank imadj for naming the character of my story. Without it I would not have been inspired to continue the tale. It allowed me to create this continuation as easily as my first inception of the tale.
Thank you imadj, I hope you enjoy my addition as much as I have writing it.
~X~

oh, and this chapter is meant to follow the chapter by imadj.

Wow. Fantastic! I love how you've made Ander the actual "shroud"...the image of putting on that mantle with the very world at stake! Perfect. And the introduction of the obsidian tower....? Very alluring. Very tempting. I shall think and then add to it -if that's okay. (And I also love his long white hair and silvery eyes!)

Great, I was hoping you would like it. I put the obsidian tower in at the last minute, it wasn't even in my notes, just kinda came out of me there at the end. It gave me all kinds of ideas. I guess I put it there for another reason to continue the story, another challange where each step or chapter reveals more about ander and his trials-and troubles.
oh please do, that is the very nature of this beast is it not. New ideas, new twists. A piggy-back ride of sorts were each writer inspires the next to challenge what they have done. I look forward to reading whatever you come up with.
thanks for the confidence
~X~

I love it. Sci fi fantasy guy here. loved the start too.

Very good! Quite imaginative. I'm going to give you some criticism, only because you asked it of me. But please keep in mind, I really like the story thus far and I think your use of imagery is very good.

Watch the grammar, especially the semi-colon use, it's an easy trap to fall into. Personally, I like to take the approach that simpler is better. The story has all the makings of an epic, but in hindsight I'd probably develop it a bit more, why is he there? who is he? who is she? does he inherently know what the shroud of shadow is? What does it mean to world? Why him? He seems confused, yet he's ready to embrace this task...why?

The dialog (and internal dialog) seems a bit too much, like people wouldn't speak like that ya know? I understand that her speech was meant to be powerful, and almost prophetic, but it still can flow a bit more realistically. Try reading it out loud, that helps me.

Again, walk away from it for awhile, then come back and reread, edit.

All in all, I think it's good. I know a lot of what I said isn't always easy to do in this kind of setting.

I'd like to give a go at a chapter, it's caught my attention (now if I could just get rid of this whole pesky work thing. It really cuts into my writing time)

Thanks again. I have written down all of your questions so I can better expand on the story.
Yeah dialog is a bit much, I copied and pasted the wrong version, had another one with less dialog that I took out most of the -too wordy- paragraphs and didn't reread until after I saved (lesson learned).

oh and please do I would be interested in reading what you do with it after my next installment (that is after taking your suggestions under consideration)

No worries, again I really liked it. Just trying to give you feedback. Please feel free to do the same for me, I never take offense.

I know, the heart of the writer burns to write, but we are trapped in the world and have to make a living somehow!! Where was this when I was a teenager?

Seriously!