Discussion of "SUDS - The Hunt" by WBScott

*Quote* ...brother at arms could reach them. The officers were first to die. As banners of leadership fed the flames of chaos, the black smoke would rise. One-by-one...

I would have hyphenated brother-at-arm; the one by one doesn't need hyphenation. There were a few typos like veil vs vile that threw me off for a moment, but overall - really good job.

The end was very interesting. I like weird twists - and this isn't how I saw things going (mostly, because I had imagined the papyrus fields to be in Egypt). Nice imagery.

Fun piece - interesting direction for the story! I enjoyed your ideas here :)

I guess I'm the only one confused... The monster in the papyrus can shape shift into people and tigers, right? Which is totally cool if that's the case, just making sure I'm on the right track. Overall though, nicely done.

LoL! I was confused at first as well. I was thankful I read it again as I could have written a different continuation.

At first I didn't realize that "two sprinting legs turned into four as silk clothing fell off a changing body" meant someone shape-shifting, and was surprised when I read about the tiger thinking "Did WBS thought hebe was describing the monster as a tiger?"

Now I understand that WBS wanted to turn this about "celestial dragons and tigers" and also maybe blame the dragon for the death of Wafalon.

Just one question, WBS (this is discussion, anyway).

It was Wafalon's troops who used zhanmadao against the barbaric raiders who were on horses with bows, right?

Thanks. =)

Thanks for the comments.

Well, I guess I'll work from the top and go down: Egypt??? I totally missed that! For awhile, I thought the names sounded like they were from India, but then after a little research I thought for sure that this was based in a fantastical (like my coined word?) Song Dynasty setting, loosely based around the Kingdom of Dali. I was thinking you were genius Hebe because that would be so symbolic since they were the first to use paper money, lending more importance to papyrus. I now know that is not the case;)

Now, why would sweet, innocent, little Bai, eat a person? That is perposterous!

Yes, Wafalon's troops used the zhanmadao against the barbarian raiders. (Hint: Could they possibly be Mongols? Hell, we don't really have to say:) I used this battle as a way to explain why Chinese who adored dragons so much would scare them away and scorch a field.

Setting, per my view... The names for the boy and girl were Egyptian, and Bai was Chinese. BUT, I think I tried dropping Chinese clues much more than Egyptian ones when it came to setting - and indicating that Bai traveled doesn't actually take her to a named location... :) It's really hard dropping clues though (especially in a first chapter.)

:( I'm not a genius... I just play one ... as an author. ;)

That means the characters are currently on Egypt, but then the monks are there.

I'd try my best to rerail it.

But, yes, it's really hard dropping clues to how you imagine/intend the story to continue.

Yeah, for instance, if you dropped an Egyptian god, I could have keyed in on that easily enough. The names confused me, I should had probably asked like numbers been doing, but I just concluded that this was a fantasy world and the names were smashed Chinese names. Oh well, it will be interesting to see where numbers take it.

LoL. So "numbers" was referring to me. LoL.

Well, since it appears that the geographical setting would affect how the readers would view the story, I'd stick with placing it on some world parallel to ours. ;P

But I guess I'd skip the part to answer which god Jendayi was paying tribute to.

Time might take me till weekend.

Well, either way, I'm looking fforward to it.

Thanks for the reply.

I also thought the setting was India inspired. My image of the story was honestly derailed when the marble carving was introduced. But I've got no problem with it as I have been considering this as fantasy genre--you know, not our world setting--and never really intended to follow our world historically.

I'll be writing now and hope I get it published by Wednesday.

Well done, WBS. As hebe mentioned there were several grammatical errors, unusual for you, that threw me a bit; but, overall I liked where you took this story.

Shape shifters are always cool, in my opinion...;o).

I'm not sure I had any particular idea of the setting, although like you, the names kind of sent me to India or Pakistan.

Really, really great job giving I554446I a definitive, easy to write pet name ....lol...."numbers" is perfect!

I also thought Egypt was the original setting, especially with the crocodile that Djehuti was thinking of.

Otherwise, not too much I can add that hasn't already been said. Shape shifters are always great and I'm looking forward to Numbers's submission.