Discussion of "The Unknown : Chapter Two : The Mirror" by UnknownEntity

Very interesting addition. I really like the mental element. Also, most people have been going with the idea that Jake overheard adults talking about Ms. B dying, but here, you've given him a role in it. Great twist in that! It opens the way for the antagonists in this story to be the children.
Longer would've been nice - this didn't tell us much except that Jake's somehow in on it. And while I love the twist with Jake, the Jake you wrote was a very different Jake than we saw in the first chapter. 3.5 - Good luck!

I like how you made Jake the "bad guy", or part of it, but I think you needed to transition to that a little better. We left him in the last chapter very upset and crying to a sudden matter of fact coldness. I think that could happen, but needs to go there in a believable way (ie: Suddenly Jake stopped crying. It had been an act. He met my eyes with the coldest expression, etc etc).

Other than that, I thought it a great idea to give it this twist!

Wow, I thought I was short, but the Electric Bugaloo beats us both:)

EB will win, the audience and the judges have been properly ... persuaded .

I was really getting into this and then...it was over! I, too, liked the idea of Jake in an antagonist role and I liked the mental chaos generated in Mrs. B's mind. Wish it had been longer...my vote: 3

I like your chapter. I wish you well. Fantastic twist UE....