Discussion of "Chapter Two : Primordial Whim" by UnknownEntity

Excellent!! I just commented on the initial chapter that blackhand had "set the stage" for chapter two...telling his family about his tumor. Damned if you didn't accomplish with great imagination and set the course for the next 28 days. Muy excellento! Cingo!

I am not sure that I agree....the personality shifted too drastically. I would have liked to see a more gradual flow of events. How did the caharacter change his mind so quickly? He didn't know what he wanted to do with his remaining days one minute, and he's mr. militia the next. For a man who cared so much about what his family would think when they heard the news of his death, I did not think that writing such an abrubt and scary letter to them fit his frame of mind. Our character is a Tauras...very methodical, very ploddy, very earthly comfort bound. He enjoys family and friends and is passionate about his endeavors. It is unusual for this type of personality to go "cybil" overnight. Granted, the amount of time left to live would greatly impact his usual line of reasoning, I don't see how it happened so quickly. What happened to cause this sudden change of mind? Tell me!!! I want to know!!!! And let's not forget.....we are writing chapters here....not a few meager sentences. If I don't make sense, tell me so. I want to contribute wholly and effectively to the storyline when my turn comes around...and I think I should be on the same page as the other contributing authors.

Sure. The answer is simple. His tumor. Personally, I assume that readers are intelligent people without the need of constant guidance. Some people's perception does differ and their point is valid as well. Therefore, I am looking forward to seeing their in-depth style.

Cheers

Persephonie...what quetzacoatl is saying is that the mood swings (for lack of a better term) are ultra-extreme with this kind of tumor. One minute the victim could be gently playing with a puppy and the next, he's wringing the puppy's neck. That is the beauty of this storyline. From one chapter to the next he can go from Rambo to Bambi....lol.

I am not saying it is not possible.....

I AM saying that it should be explained.

What triggered it?

While it is true that the reader should not have to be lead by the nose through the storyline, it is also true that the writer has a responsibility to give us enough leash to walk ourselves through it and not just assume that everyone will automatically and intuitively understand the motivation behind such a rash switch in gears.

The more information you give us to read, the more we can expound upon. Anyone cane write "once upon a time" and anyone else can finish it.

If we all just take this story back and forth any old way, without any thought to the preceding writer's work, then we might as well be writing a sentence on a piece of lined paper, folding it over so that what we wrote can't be seen and passing it on to the next person in the hopes that what they write fits in.

Agreed. Let us expound until we drop.

I like this...but I have to agree with P. I was not expecting him to leave a note for his family explaining things....or him going into a downward spiral so fast....The tension needs to build. There needs to be crying, sadness, days of happiness..then anger, insane thoughts, etc. but the story is at everyone's mercy. just ALL be considerate to the next up to bat...
If this was the 29th chapter...quetzcoatl I would be your best friend for life. good addition, but early indeed.
Thanks for your contribution. I want to work with you again soon. Your thoughts and words are magnificent...

Yeah, it was a little too fast.. I just didn't know what to focus on exactly..so I assumed that the tumor causes massive mood swings, etc...there's still time to expand on it, though. Someone can do it.

Ah, btw..I've started writing the series of letters with one person..you can write the next chapter if you like, it's become rather convoluted lately. Collected letters I think it's called...by heretowrite...I've given it my own spin, not to everyone's liking but to hell with that.

Thanks for the invite...if I can get to it I will.

OK...I stand corrected, as it were. Persephonie made some very good points and I concede to her (?) argument. I will adjust my thought process for a chapter accordingly. Thanks!

I actually disagree. I didn’t see any specific guidelines as to how this storyline should progress. And no one was responsible for writing this chapter except the author that did.
I thought this chapter was well written and it gave everyone a springboard. Now we know that this guy has some pretty wild mood swings and apparently is capable of just about anything. Doesn’t mean that the next author can’t write a real tear-jerker chapter about going to his kids school play or something. Use your imagination. Maybe he changes his mind and gets to the note before his wife does. Maybe it becomes an on-going dilemma throughout the next 30 days. Leave a note…take it back…leave a note…take it back.
Who knows? Only the author currently with the baton can make that decision. Not anyone else.
I mean, we have how many different authors here? This should be a totally chaotic, wild roller coaster of emotions and strange happenings over the next 30 days. No one can mange this storyline. No one should try. Just because a current writer didn’t construct their chapter the way you thought it should be done, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. When it’s your turn, you can do it your way.
I thought this was really good quetzacoatl. Further defined the main character. Gave additional personal details and also showed us just how unstable he can be at times.

Yes..I think we need to appreciate the complexity of the human mind. Just because we speculate it ought to be like a or b, does not mean this is so. Moreover, we cannot really be certain as no one here - as far as I am aware - is suffering from swelling under their skulls. The ''real'' world has given us more than enough examples of the (so-called) ''dissociative personality'' where a family-person has other layers...much more disturbing...take a recent case from Austria. And it ain't fiction. If someone wanted to write a novel about the story, I bet it would be dismissed as ''impossible .'' So , there you go. It's not a good idea to make things too predictable by explaining them in detail - sometimes it's better to leave it alone because certain mind processes cannot be explained - well, unless someone is suffering from retardation. This character seems to be relatively intelligent, however. It's not a good idea to turn him into an archetypal ''family man gone bad on a gradual basis.''But that's just my view.

Good comment, dog. You know I feel like a..uh, what's the term they use for politicians that switch their stance on a particular issue, back and forth?..lol. Yeah. So, I just posted Day 3 parts 1 and 2. CAUTION: Part 2 contains some extreme violence and homosexual sex! I have no basis of experience...I simply wanted to shock and awe. This is really the first opportunity I've had to do that!!

Whew! After having read all of the comments, I want to say the following: First, you did, with the Wikipedia excerpt, explain the narrator's motives. He doesn't want to lose his mind and kill his family, hence the warning. While it was only speculation that Whitman's tumor made him go on a shooting rampage, when you're family is involved and you don't want to hurt them, rationality may not always be your primary mode of function. And second, the guy is going to die, and die horribly, I don't think any of us are qualified to really predict how a person will react in that situation. So given his emotional response to his inevitable death, combined with the symptoms of his tumor, I'd say this guy could do just about anything. Which Quetzacoatl, I thought you expressed really well. He is quite rationally realizing the possibility of harming his family. Anyway, great chapter and I applaud you for taking a chance and going straight for the jugular!

Almost too quick of a change for me. I understand the reasoning and agree, but a bridge of some sort would have helped move the story along smoother. Other than that I find this engaging an a worthy follow up. Bye the Bye, the commments here are by far the most helpful. The disucssion and comments sound great and are thoughtful, I'm proud to member of this community.

I agree with P. That was an awful big change to soon, we as writers have to write from the eyes of the reader with our creativity in tact. I understand the why of the change, but for this type of storyline I feel a progression of what the patient is feeling is what the reader would want to experience with the character.

well thats just my .2 cents --

Do the research. Astrocytoma can be asymptomatic (no symptoms) until that point at which most people have 90 days left to live. Early detection may mean a year. Surgery and therapy may extend their life for 6 more months.

Obviously 3 months from normal to dead is pretty sad and NOT all that gradual! Our poor character has one-third of that - 30 days left. He would probably have had 2 or more months of weird crap happening to him that he attributed to age, food, stress or tiredness. Possibly the flu. Inner ear infection - any denial works. By the time of his diagnosis, he likely would have been WORSE than most of you are portraying. I vote for quetzlcoatl being on the money.