Discussion of "I Couldn't Move (Chapter one)" by Swriter

I really like this premise, but your grammar needs a lot of work.

You have an incredible flow to your story. However, your punctuation is atrocious! Periods, semicolons, colons, and commas: they have a purpose and mastering them changes the elements of writing. Let's just look at the first paragraph:

(Today was going to be normal, a fine day. Nothing too exiting. just getting by. but life never works like that and it never did. I was sopposed to go to school, have "fun" with my less than boring friends, come back home, eat and sleep. Then do as my music instructer would say, "aaaand repeat.")


There's many ways to make to tackle this. I would say:

(Today was going to be normal: a fine day, nothing too exiting, just getting by. However, life never works like that, and it never did. I was supposed to go to school, have "fun" with my less than boring friends, and come back home in order to eat and sleep. The next day, I would do as my music instructor would say, "aaaand repeat.")

I hope this helps. Take my criticism and opinion as you feel fit. Overall, there’s great potential in the story itself.

I hate to sound harsh, but this was so poorly written in terms of grammar and spelling that I got half way through and just gave up (which is really sad considering how short this chapter is.) There might be a good story under there, but you couldn't keep my interest long enough for me to find out. I'm not going to rate it (I hate crashing people's ratings) but I do hope in the future that you consider using BOTH spell-check and a friend to proofread. Honey and WBS both seem to think that there is some quality in there, and I trust both of them enough to take their word for it, but if you want people to take you seriously as a writer, you have to take yourself seriously enough to do the work necessary. If you honestly don't have anyone who can/is willing to proofread for you, I suggest posting a story as a draft and then leave a post in the forum inviting people to help you out with a quick read-through. There's a ton of people here willing to help you out, myself included.

Keep writing. Only practice and hard work makes you better.

Unfortunately, I have to agree with the above. You do have a good premise, but what I just read is sloppy - and sloppiness detracts from a story, no matter how good it might be or how much potential it might have.

It isn't just about proofreading and spell check, though those are excellent suggestions. It's about taking pride in your work. You are posting these stories for the whole world to see. In essence, they are a direct reflection upon you.

Punctuation, capitalization, grammar and syntax, rhythm and pacing, structure, description,... these are the tools of the trade. A carpenter needs wood, hammers, saws, etc. to do his work and do it well. A carpenter cannot overlook these and believe he will be taken seriously. Nor can a writer overlook their tools and be taken seriously either.

As I said, good premise. Good idea. Go with it. But take pride in it. Refine it. Master it. And when you feel proud of it, then and only then should you consider publishing it.

Swriter, your profile/intoduction says you are a young student. Might I ask how young?

i am 13.

Thank you for letting me know.

You have a great imagination for someone your age. Now is the time to build upon that imagination with developing some good writing habits. In everything you write, be as much of a perfectionist as you can. Even in posts. (And please, oh please capitalize "I". Pretty please.) :)

If you have any questions or need any advice, let me know. I'd be more than happy to help as would many of the author's here on SM. In the meantime, I look forward to reading more of your work and seeing much improvement therein.

Welcome to SM, Swriter!

I won't beat a dead horse (usually) and some of SM's top writers have already made clear that your grammar and spelling are atrocious. I won't add to their comments except to say, I concur wholeheartedly.

I did read the entire chapter and I think you've got a good story going. As JD commented, if you want to be taken seriously here, re-write this chapter, put some pride into it. I'm sure you'll get a favorable response...;o)