Discussion of "2012 - Chapter One: The future is now" by ShadowedPen

okey dokey... seven twenty eight. Going to start on chap two. Its from the point of view of a geneticist trying to discuss the new field of epigenetics. If you want me to incorporate a character or situation, let me know. And give me feedback. I know the writing's a bit watered down, but every time I spend a few days on a chapter I never write the next one. Better to just give birth to the whole baby with one rough push.

Dude. You know I'm a fan. I'm not sure whether to encourage you to write the whole book start to finish, undoubtedly fueling yourself with coffee (and whatever other stimulants) to keep the momentum - it'd be fitting for the immersion of paranoia that could/should sweep over the tale.

As much as I liked Mark and Greg, I would've preferred you skipping the prologue. Opening the story behind the Mighty Wizard's curtain did little for me. Okay, so even the "most powerful man on the planet" is worried. Though the situation calls for heavy drama, melodrama is still unwarranted.

While I admired some of the world (Mark's blanket, Charlie Sheen's demise (we can only hope!), the cybersentient coffee machine, the regularity of newly surfacing syndromes), the pacing was off. It's rare someone pulls of "he was an average guy" and makes it interesting. Thankfully, you kept that part brief. Again, I'd skip it and make readers aware later in the story, but it's hard to edit when you're vomit-drafting. Forgiven.

Great schnikey! Virus! Nice. Liked Mark's nonchalant approach to both sides of that coin. (They'll handle it; it's too big for us anyway.) Definitely captivating.

As with another piece of your near-future sci-fi, I have issues with how close to the timeline it is. Yeah, I like the reference to the real Y2K. My concern: while some of these things may be possible in the soon-to-be (and some may already exist), the salary/lifestyle to afford these things would be incredible. The technology may be available, but the financing for a literal home theater/virtual doc/etc. felt farfetched. (Then again, I'm a relative technophobe.) Mark seems too... average for such an extravagant home.

I'm curious why he terminated most of his interpersonal relationships. Yeah, he can work out of home, but to hole himself up outside of his work - he has depression, but what used to bring him joy? Besides coffee? Or including coffee - why not go to a barista and enjoy a real cup? Mark comes across as intelligent, at least smart enough to divert hermit-like tendencies. Was there a catalyst to make him never leave his fortress?

(I also enjoy your method of justification - have the lead question his reality. Reminds me of Wolverine in the first X-Men movie, which helped the audience relate. I simply would prefer if Mark was an individual more than "Brown-Eyed Brunette #730934BR19.")

Really good stuff. Looking forward to more. Debating whether to contribute, but I'll hold back until/unless you hit a heavy wall for yourself.

I'm trying to figure out if this is going The Stand/Left Behind/Hitchhiker's Guide. Whatever direction, it's been fun thus far. It seems like a hardcore environmentalist faction would enjoy this predicament as they'd be least effected. I almost want to see the father-son on vacation hiking the Appalachian Trail who doesn't realize what's going on. Except they see a nearby city at night gone dark. More accurately, they don't see the city at night. Spooky.

Good luck. I've never finished a novel. You should check with Silver (if she still checks SM) and Cheeseliker (who does) about National Novel Writing Month (November?).

hey thanks. that's what i was lookn for. yeah. the average guy thing was almost impossible. it bored me too. but i was going for a character arc of normal guy to super hero type deal. and the prologue was necessary because of the plot. otherwise it makes no sense. I'm fading on the second chapter though. As hard as the average guy thing was... which i kinda failed... trying to convey theoretical genetics while remaining entertaining is... not possible maybe? lol. Crichton made it seem soooo easy. But contribute as much as you can.
Anybody know an interesting way to convey a genetics lesson?
Anyone?

An interesting way to convey a genetics lesson without cartoons? heh, not possible.

As always Nash has said just about all there is to say... I do want to contest that the proglogue was bothersome. I didn't find it to be. "We've created a God" is pretty vague once you think about it. Could be anything from a sentient being to chemical or technological warfare. It was only a peek behind the curtain before it was yanked closed, no harm done and enough of a view to whet the appetite.

I did, however, share his sentiment that the very technologically advanced apartment Mark lived in was hard to swallow. My coffee maker makes coffee exactly when I want it in the morning too, it's on a timer. Even Mark wonders how technology got so advanced so quickly, which only made me stop and think about it more.

Overall though, I really enjoyed this and I'm hoping you haven't crashed at this point because I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

Hey this is a great beginning chapter. It did seem slow at a part or two, but in the end, I think it worked quite well. I was actually surprised by how it ended. With the slow but interesting beginning, the revelation of the virus and the lights going out happened very quickly, pleasantly surprising me. I do feel as if some parts could be cut out, to give the chapter a quicker, more fluid flow. Anyway.s good job, I may even throw up my own addition sometime soon.

By the way, I read this as the first chapter, because I thought it was a starting chapter, and for me, it worked fine.

human disbonding syndrome.... interesting. but more so the fact that everything in this chapter is connected by the net, giving it a sence of reality in a way. and i just sounded retarded right there. but over all, awesome job, cant wait to read the next chapter!

It's weird but I think the flow of the story matched the character. While it was slow at some points it seemed kind of right in a way because of how Mark developed as a character.
I'm not sure if it's just me (which Im sure it is) but I havent quite wrapped my head around what exactly is happening. I get the feeling though that you aren't supposed to get it fully just yet. Anyway it's a great story and I can't wait to see how this big, bad god-like thing destroys the world.

I have to agree with xfionax abut the pacing and flow. Myself, I can't find much to fault abut that chapter. I was drawn in. As for the technology argument, I think its superficial. Seeing as how a projection screen tv costs a few thousand dollars, a bachelor working in tech support in an ever-developing technological society would probably make a pretty penny.
There is kind of a break between the prologue and this chapter that's hard remedy, but that could easily be fixed in subsequent chapters (I think...might take some imagination.)
Responding to Nash's criticism concerning the chronology of the story, I find ShadowedPen's creation entirely plausible. Even if it doesn't work out that way, it is a work of sci-fi so he can take some liberties in that regard.
I do hope you continue this, as I am very much intrigued by this supervirus and the coming of Lucifer and whatever else you might create. Don't stop. I know it's difficult to pick up a storyline after you've taken a break from it, but I really hope you do.