All Comments by ShadowMan

Goodness gracious me - a horror anthology... can I play?

Sounds like a great idea to me. I'll be back from training in time to pump something out for the first round!

I don't have time to do anything but agree with Nash, so put me down 'in favor'. I would probably come out of the woodwork for this one.

If that's the case then I am compelled to retract what I said. Plumbing your own depths is the root of all good writing; but I would still like to see you develop more structure and really share it with us.

Katrina, any hint about when the next site upgrade might happen?

I read it; and I did laugh.

There is a pleasure, sure, in being mad, which none but madmen know!

Interesting start, and welcome to SM. The transition between the present and past was a little bumpy for me, but I'm interested where you are going with it.

Cool - I like stories about wells. This one is intriguing and there is a sinister element to the child's behavior that begs for a continuation.

Very nicely done. Dovetails well with the first chapter and outlines the child's mental state perfectly.

Great job and a very nice leave. Good research and I thought you turned the tale nicely. The wound he received should add an element of urgency for whoever follows this one!

Werewolves, soldiers and preachers -- OH MY! Way to drag the old soldiers into the fray, it added an element of camp to the story; and the appearance of more critters ratchets up the scope of the tale nicely. I wonder how the next author in line will link this in with the preachers visit and comments.

Wow - wasn't expecting that turn to the story! Cool continuation, WW, and we've got ourselves a creature feature on our hands!

Great continuation - you really brought him to life. The 'lights out' ending was a nice surprise and an excellent leave.

A very well written continuation -- and I love the turn toward the church. Opens up all kinds of possibilities! One very minor critique regarding the use of "effed-up". The character already used the real expletive (albeit with ** inserted) earlier in your chapter and I see no reason to water it down; if he says "****" once, he'll say it again. The combination of these two uses made me think you (as the author) might be uncomfortable with the word. If true there is nothing wrong with that, but you will ultimately have to learn to use it when necessary to illustrate your character's feelings. Gratuitous uses of profanity are to be discouraged, but using it to add color and depth to a character is fine.

Hmmm... I didn't know anyone even liked this because it never got a single comment. I guess I'll post another chapter shortly.

Talk about serious inner voice! Wow - that was great. You revealed enough to titillate and leave me wanting more. Fiverrific!

Well done! I love the line "severing what little composure I had regained with a single, deathly snip of the scythe" - very nice bit of prose!

I have to disagree with the premise of your title. Although the various chapters stem from the same source material, they are unique. The objective of this little exercise was to examine the variety of work obtained by employing the writing styles of several writers, forced to apply their skills in a brickabrack fashion. There are only seven stories in the world, after all. We simply hang different dressings on them and call them original -- yourself included. Rather than simply voting your frustrations, why don't you comment with something constructive? Oh, and lose the "I'm an idjit" persona -- we're all writers here and personally I'd rather have your honest input than goofy circumlocutions.

The site needs a content disclaimer. I've been listening to some of the other writers and it appears there are some younger people joining up. A few of the stories here deal with adult content, some of it rather graphic. Although none of us would want censorship, I do believe the main page should have some sort of warning for these younger people and their parents that they might encounter such stories.

Well, I suppose I'm not - could be thrown dagger, or something else entirely. But if it's not you fooled me ;)

Wolf, the only requirement for a mash is that you somehow continue (however marginally) the thread of the chapter you are mashing. I think you come up with some interesting (and often obtuse) metaphors/prose, but you need to work some on your plot lines. I strongly suspect your method of writing is an affectation, and I sometimes wonder if you are messing with the rest of us (save your "friend" swamp) in every sense of the word.

Does this include chapters that are in a mash, but have no chapters following them? For example, I have two October Chill chapters that haven't been mashed. Could I remove them if I wanted?

My October Chill story went from a 4.8 to a 4.4 in an instant, based on a single vote from some spineless, no-commenting, no talent, HACK. Since the developers are reluctant to identify these spoilers and seem unable to manage the voting problems, I guess this is just a cross we will have to bear. It does make it rather difficult to invest in any sense of belonging to this place. After a while it's like "why bother?" . . .

Great writing, as always, but I have a couple of questions about the news releases. First, "a man sounding like he was in his mid to late thirties" -- who was this witness, the Amazing Kreskin? This is the curse of my job, I tend to focus on stuff like this when I should just sit back and enjoy the story (which I did anyway). The other thing was the cops giving out the next step in the investigation of a homicide case to a news reporter. Possible? Of course. Smart? Nope -- it just didn't ring true to me. In terms of moving the story forward, the chapter was great. I thought teasing us with the possibility he might be involved with the murder was a good device, and you left enough wiggle room for it to be a set up by our old friend the preacher -- or even something else entirely. I'll add "I was kind of glad she was dead" to the list of priceless lines from this one.

Fair enough, but I would suggest that if you identify a fraudulent vote, removing it would be a better course of action rather than changing its weight. It shouldn't contribute or take away from the chapter in any way. As long as you guys remain responsive (as you obviously have been here) I will stick it out.

You have to use your browser's spell check option. If you have not installed a spell checker in your web browser, there are many free ones available on the net. I use Firefox (and it's built-in), but there are some available for IE too.

I agree. I think deletions should be special issues and should be handled by SM on a case-by-case basis. That being said, I think SM should make every effort to accommodate the author if the story can be removed without effect. In cases where the chapter is in the middle of a mash there is an alternative. Simply removing the author's name and replacing it with a generic might satisfy the continuity problem and detach the author from a piece of work he wishes to abandon.

Yeah, WW. I have no problem writing and sharing the wealth via the click-thru ads, but the main reason I choose to write on a site like this is to hone my authorship skills. Without accurate feedback, it is a pointless exercise.

Well, I like this sort of story -- big Tolkien fan from way back. This one has a 'Thieves World' feel to it, and I like the way you picked up the pace in the last paragraph with the arrow strike.

I will repeat what I said before about editing, since this post is dedicated in part to that issue. I think wholesale editing is a bad idea, where would it end? However, I don't see any problem with making minor spelling and grammatical errors within a reasonable time frame. For example, I write and publish with my usual lack of competent proof reading. I have X hours to find and correct my spelling and grammatical errors at which time the story is released for voting. The only drawback might be that anyone who reads it during that time frame and makes comments might not come back to vote.

Which brings up my second issue. Despite reports to the contrary, the voting problem does not appear to be fixed. As far as I can tell it wasn't even addressed. This is a real deal breaker for me, as it seems we were simply told what we wanted to hear ("it's fixed"), patted on the head, and told to go forth and multiply our content.

Very good follow-up, Psycho. I like the way you ratcheted up the excitement level. Looks like we got ourselves a race against time! Now I've got to mash it and try to maintain that intensity. I will have to think about this one for a little while. Great work!

Well, I proofread this three times and still missed a word - grrrr.... There should be the word "you" in the (now) obvious place in the second to the last paragraph.

Now what? This is the question that preoccupies my mind. It figures that I'd have to follow a really great mash! I really like the switcheroo at the end -- it's like you put him into his own personal hell. Very good job!

Great work there Nash - you generated a fantastic back story. Nice touch with the Amish element and also the heaping of self-blame! Held my interest and the twist at the end is just begging to be mashed.

You really put in double shift there, Psycho! I loved the TV segment (reminded me slightly of The Ring) -- very effective. Great job!

That was outstanding. "But Stuart, that’s the odd thing. It isn’t everybody. So why us?" -- this line was inspired, it sets the tone for the whole mash. Very well written and a real page turner, adding the old man at the end was brutally effective.

Dog you really have a unique style that never fails to deliver. Great job - I love the whole 'decent into madness' characterization, and the attention to detail was fantastic. I wonder how many will get the Reaver reference ;)

Excellent mash, Cheeseliker. The phone call was a good touch - after the van arrived so quickly I suddenly had a vision of the devil himself having a cell phone. Lots of ways to go with this one!

Awesome - your really tied that in nicely. The back story of Angus was inspired, and your prose was spot on. Very good mash.

OK - I finally finished mine. Cheeseliker, I hope I gave you something decent to mash. Since round two has an open spot in front of me, I will wait to see what develops. Meanwhile, I can finally read and comment on everyone else's! It's been hard forcing myself not to read them when I pop in to take a look.

Sorry for the delay. Now I can finally go back and read all of yours and vote.

I'm sticking around. I'm also waiting to read other mashes from our octet until mine is posted. Which is why I haven't read or voted on yours. Don't want to taint the ole creative juices.

Showoff ;)

I agree with Dog on this. I'd also like to suggest (although it may not meet your current site terms) that those completed stories get offered up as E-Books which the general public can download from SM (or other selected E-Book sites you decide to allow), with all participating writers credited, an overview of the process used on SM, and links back to the site in case they escape into the wild ;) --- I'm not sure how you would choose to do that from a business standpoint, but it would certainly increase exposure.

Very nicely done and gets a 5 from me too. Since horror is my genre of choice, I'm surprised I missed this one too! Lots of possibilities here...

This is where a writers forum would be helpful (hint hint)

Got it.

Should we identify the lines and numbers in the title of each mash? What I mean is something like: October Chill :5:1: MyChapterName (for my initial mash), October Chill :5:2: nextChapterName (for whoever comes after me in that line), etc ...

Ahhhh, so this is where you're going -- a nice twist for this branch. Great Mash, and better add "Sci-Fi" to the tags as we are heading into uncharted waters with this one ;)

I think I get it - sort of a structured round robin approach. I'm in.

I'm not sure I'm entirely clear about the process. Are you saying that you want to create an eight chapter story, with each writer contributing one chapter (reminds me of some of Robert Asprin's anthologies)? Or can each writer contribute multiple times, as long as there is no branching and he/she does not mash their own chapter? I like the idea of a finite number of chapters (one per writer), though I suspect the final (wrap up) chapter will be somewhat coveted as it may prove to be the most challenging.

Very well written. It is not my sort of tale so I don't have much to say regarding the content or plotting; but, I do want to give you some positive feedback. You took an (essentially dead) starter and breathed new life into it with a sense of style. Welcome to SM!

Thanks, WW. I try to write these as quickly as possible as a kind of writing exercise. My wife is an artist and she often does quick sketches just to capture the essence of her subject; I use these StoryMash shorts in the same basic way. It's one of the things I love about this site. Just grab an idea from someone else and run with it (like the Gingerbread Man). I know many of my stories come out a bit skeletal, but I tend to have a minimalist style even when I take my time. Perhaps I should get into screenwriting (ha ha).

FEEDBACK ON THE STORY TREE - I like it, the hover text makes it easy to select the next chapter to review. The only thing I would change is the different icons for the different story lengths. The chapters here are short enough that it really doesn't matter, and I'd rather have structure uniformity in the tree to make it easier to see the number of additions to each branch.

Great job! I like the rhyming aspect and you notched up the sinister side of the story a bit.

OK - I added to the other side. I'll start on this thread in a bit.

Great job with the detached mental state and a nice touch using a jump instead of simply turning the gun on himself. Also, you drew it up just short of finality, allowing for a further mash.

The writing was excellent, as always. As for what's missing, I'm not sure. There were a couple of things that troubled me. It seemed unreasonable for Benny to kowtow to Bethany so quickly. You could have approached it from a couple of ways, either by adding some sort of back story wherein she bested him before; or, turned it completely around so that he pined for her and was willing to endure her threats. The other thing was that he seemed a little too detached about the murder of his friend. Being undead, I always imagined that vampires take true death very seriously. Just some thoughts.

Outstanding. One very minor pronoun disagreement, but it didn't matter. You captured his mental disconnect and the flash-forwards simply reinforced it. Great job! 5 for sure.

The concept of the shadow only interacting with the shadows of tangibles is an excellent hook - it very much caught my interest. If you intended this to be scary or suspenseful I think the constant back and forth between the soft/tough aspects of the main character tended to soften the blow overmuch. If it is light hearted effort, then ignore what I just said.

Yeah, I'm not as comfortable writing in 1st person. I can do it, but I find it tedious.

No problem - we'll just play it as a pool secretary/receptionist. Very good continuation... I won't get to mash your thread immediately, but it's forthcoming.

The numbers are just a voting tool for the comment itself. If you like the comment, vote it up; if you don't, vote it down; if you're neutral, leave it be. I don't think it means very much, just kind of a way to bring attention to something particularly good, bad, or useful.

You managed to convey the feeling that he was in a semi-shock state, which I liked (it really fit the tale). There was a hint of the surreal, which is often present in stressful circumstances. The only critiques I have are that I would have expected a better dialog performance from Zeph, since they seem to be acquainted. Second, I am curious about the gun. I can't quite get a feel for what type it might be based on your description of events. Doesn't sound like a revolver (they have no safety) or an automatic (would be more complicated to load, and normally wouldn't require cocking after loading). Derringer, maybe? I know it's a small thing, but it took me off the storyline in the middle of reading it so I thought I'd mention it.

Nice continuation; I thought the main character introspection was good. Couldn't quite get a handle on Kelly, though; she didn't seem to add anything to the story except to reveal the mental leave angle. Good set up for later with the web forum posting; pretty much anything can happen from that!

Nice continuation of the original. I like the direction it's taking and I'm curious to see how you handle the fact that these two people somehow came to the same forensic psychiatrist (or whatever he is). Well written with no technical errors to speak of.

Excellent! Really liked the end, which blew it wide open for mashing. Very good description of hypnosis -- points for good research.

Gotta agree with Jack - the last line was priceless. The story was filled with some excellent prose; a little more verbose than I usually like, but well done nonetheless. The emotions were good: I could feel the angst in the main character and the defensiveness in Maggie.

Not a bad idea - I'm not sure how it would work with two separate story lines, though. What did you have in mind?

Wow - this one spoke to me immediately. After reading it, my own mash to your story came to me as they often do -- fully formed. Thanks for an inspiring read! Hope you like where I take it.

Well, we published at roughly the same time on this one but it is interesting to see how similar our mashes were. Good job in fleshing out the character and adding a dimension to the gruff man (Slick). I'm curious to see where you take it!

Very intriguing. I could see this going in so many directions it's difficult to decide. Very good portrayal of the main character -- he came across as not being quite right, and I got the feeling he might be recovering/suffering from some mental malady. I'm assuming the laptop's hard drive will have a significant part to play in this drama.

Excellent continuation which just so happens to play right into where I was going with it. Well written!

Katrina assures me that the voting is fixed so I've rejoined the fray. I found something I could mash and knocked out a quick one.

Katrina, you said that the voting issues are fixed. Can you elaborate on that please? Is it a background change? Everything looks the same to me.

Let me see if I understand this new contest correctly... We can only write mashes to the pre-existing stories with the little clock icons, and no new story starts will be eligible for mashing. My keyword search yielded 1 eligible story tagged with my preferred genre. I guess I might be sitting this one out, even if the voting issues gets fixed. Is there any way to search for just the stories with the clock icons? Maybe there's something that just didn't get tagged properly.

I've noticed a couple of things lately that I want to bring to your attention. Nothing major, just some minor programming glitches I've noticed. 1) The 'times read' indicator on the stories seems to be hit and miss. I've seen stories with 10 votes and 0 times read, which makes no sense. 2) 'Last login date' does not appear to be accurate either, as I just read a story published today (April 21) by someone who (apparently) hasn't logged in since April 12th. This isn't a complaint, just a note from one programmer to another. Without looking at the code, I don't know if this is indicative of a larger problem or not.

Good job guys!

You did a great job ratcheting the tension up at the end of the chapter. The character is progressing nicely; revealing his impatience ties in nicely with the earlier revelation of his quasi-loner status. Good job again. A 5 for this one.

Good character introspection and a nice hook to boot. Great mashing material, I gave it a 5.

Good job and an interesting turn of events. I do think as a seasoned cop Sam would have waited longer before leaving the interview room. He would know that asphyxiation would take some time and he wouldn't want the guy revived; but otherwise I liked it. It gets a 4 from me.

Sorry, forgot to add I gave it a 4

Good character depth and a nice mash from the seed tale. Surprised this one has no comments -- good job!

Sorry - I didn't answer your question. I think the vote information should be published for everyone to see. Critiques -- even at the voting level -- are part of the craft of writing. It's patently unfair to the author not to identify his critic. In order for numeric criticism to be constructive, you, the author, should have some indication of the source. This allows you to weigh the vote based on who submitted it. Without actual written comments to view, the only thing left to do is review the voting critic (through his own writings or comments on other works) and decide if you want to accept or dismiss his vote. For example, if some nitwit votes your story a 2 you can dismiss his opinion -- as long as you know he is a nitwit.

I understand what you are saying, but in my opinion if they don't feel capable of rendering an honest vote then they really should abstain. I'd rather have a few honest votes than a large but indeterminate mishmash of honesty, favoritism, contempt and gamesmanship. To ask the SM team to routinely review the voting process on an individual story level might create more work than they should have to bear.

See, that will teach me not to read the first chapter ;) -- the intestinal leakage sometimes associated with a stomach wound would likely be the most evident odor, secondary to any excrement or urine. The slaughterhouse odor is usually only present when there is a considerable amount of external bloodshed (as opposed to internal bleeding). Being gut-shot is a bad way to go, so I think you'd have been within your rights to be a little more graphic without being too ugly; maybe something along the lines of "from the look of Martin's Levis, death had loosed his bowels; the odor clung to the room like a shroud" or some such. Just my 2 cents.

Well written with only some minor technical errors. Plotwise, I am curious about the body and would have liked some more detail. There was no mention of a wound (or wounds) and the only bodily fluids described was some blood on a handkerchief. This would not produce the described pervasive odor; of course, there's also the possibility of a another body hacked up in the bath tub or something... ;) I gave it a 4

Welcome to my world. I watched my last (already wounded) submission take a torpedo yesterday. It was listing strongly to port and had sunk to the depths of page 3 last time I checked. I've stopped submitting until the voting system is fixed. I still read, vote and comment, but that's about it.

The beauty of this place is that you are not tied to anything. You can launch a story and watch it develop; or, jump in and steer it yourself; or, break into someone else's story and shake it up a bit. I have a number of stories backlogged (some on paper, some in my noggin), which I plan to submit once the voting system is fixed. However, I don't think I'd like to see them get segregated off -- at least not until the final chapter in any given thread is completed.

I like "must comment to rate" plan, but I would settle for something simpler. I do think the username of the voter should at least appear beside their vote, even if they don't have the courage to comment.

Well there is certainly some truth in advertising here. The narrative appears disjointed at first blush, but there is a tenuous thread of consistency woven through it which makes it work for me. The Poe tie-in was apt. One problem I see is there are so many spelling errors it detracts from the readability of the piece; same for the varied fonts and underlining. Also, I would have liked there to have been some conclusion at the end to make this more of a story, rather than a mad soliloquy -- but that's just to keep it in the context of the site, not really a criticism. I gave it a 3. Interesting style!

Now that what I'm talking about! Good research - gets a 5 from me.

Welcome Katrina and I must say I am pleased to see the blog being used! It helps put a face on the SM team and allows us to have some instant (well pretty much) gratification when we have issues or suggestions. I like all 5 suggestions you've outlined above, but I like Nash's idea about opting in instead of out. Regarding the edit/delete of chapters I agree with Crystalfoo -- but I would like to have the ability to request SM make a minor grammatical or spelling correction (i.e. "Please replace this sentence with this corrected version"). I also like the "fav 5" suggestion. In terms of searching etc..., I would like to see a genre tag or subdivision at some point; that way I could read and submit in areas that match my interests and reach an audience primed for my genre of writing. Also, there are some authors who have not submitted for a very long time and some who submitted once and apparently left; I would like to see those names drop off the main page rotating author list after a reasonable period of inactivity -- say 6 months without a post or comment. I like the idea of a forum as opposed to a chat feature. Forums can be a wealth of information to new authors and it would be a snap for you guys to set it up.

You did a great job and I stand corrected. I bought a P220 when they first got imported to the US in the early 80's and at that time the only available caliber was the .45, with the PITA (and dangerous) Euro mag release. Never actually seen one in 9mm, but, as you say, they were available.

Excellent mash, BoltNut! Really kept him in character and moved the story forward. Liked all the detail very much -- nice research. Only one nitpick, a P220 is a .45, not a 9mm -- but that didn't keep me from rating it a 5!

Not a problem, and actually most of us use unique titles too. Thanks for the vote and I'm off to read your mash.

I thought this was a pretty good set-up for the character, but I would have liked some basic indicators. I assumed the protagonist was probably male, but there is nothing really to indicate it so I spent much of the time wondering if I was inside a male or female head. I had no problem with the profanity; I think it helped to accurately indicate the level of frustration the character was experiencing.

Thanks for the comments everyone. This is one of my own favorites, so I'm happy you liked it.

I wouldn't worry about it. The number of explorers was based on Marty's perspective and there could have easily been more.

Well written and a good mash to boot. Gets a 5 from me.

It looks there are a lot of mashing possibilities, and you two have set the stage with a relationship that could drive several types of story lines.

Good suggestions everyone. I would also like to see an 'opt out' check box for constructive criticism. I always hesitate to offer advice or constructive criticism because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings; this way if you don't want to hear it you don't have to...

I like this one, lots of possibilities here. I gave it a 4; would have been a 5 if there had been a bit more detail before the body bag revelation.

Excellent hook! I like where this one is going. Gave it a 5.

The continuation of the character development is quite good. However, after two chapters the basic plot is still undeveloped. I gave it a 4.

Well written piece. I gave it a 4 because of a couple of minor errors, and I thought it needed a little fleshing out. Perhaps just a hint at the underlying purpose for the team.

Very good continuation! I liked the way you gave them human sounding nicknames -- it adds a good depth to the ETs. I gave it a 5.

Very good work, Philly. I can tell you did your research on this. I have only one question of the technical variety and it's about the clothing. Clothes found on a crime scene would not be folded and on a table unless they had already been examined for trace evidence. In the next installment you might mention that they had already been tested and give out whatever information (if any) was learned -- just to keep the technical side fluid. For future reference, loose victim/suspect clothing on a homicide scene where a sexual assault is even remotely suspected is bagged at the scene. The bag will always be paper, not plastic like you see on TV. The reason for this is that any bodily fluids present will putrefy if sealed in plastic for very long, potentially rendering them valueless to a forensic pathologist.

You're probably right. They should try a little courtesy instead of a bludgeon, though. Hopefully SM will change the rating system -- uncommented 1s or 2s should not count.

Looks like someone is mad at us. Both our chapters went from the top of page 1 to the middle of page 2 in a split second -- and of course, no comment.

Crazy isn't it? BTW, Nash and I added to the OCD thread(s). You're on deck.

Not sure, but I guess it depends on which thread gets followed. I say it's crystalfoo, who seems to be resting on his/her laurels. My hangers (interesting term, that) are ambiguous enough to mash. I have some vague ideas but nothing concrete.

Great mash, Nash. I see you decided to incorporate a girl into the mix -- good choice. I gave it a 5.

Yeah - I almost went with Decisions too, but I wasn't ready for Marty to be armed just yet.

Good job in picking back up the story, wsells. Marty is certainly becoming complex -- a lot to work with there! I added the next installment, taking the OCD route this time.

OK Philly, these are only opinions so don't feel bad about ignoring them. Normally I would not go into this much detail about someone else's story, but you asked. Here goes --- Some of the order needs to be reversed. Instead of dropping the serial killer bomb at the end of the chapter, try having Bradford think about it during his short walk to the Lieutenant's office. This helps jump the reader into the story and puts him/her on Bradford's side. Something along the lines of how much work he's put into it and how he doesn't have time to deal with a new partner -- you get the idea. Next, I'd lose the Captain; he is a distraction that serves no useful purpose. If you need the Lt. to be distracted, have him be on the phone or something, and make Bradford cool his heels. If you need a little confrontation between them, have Bradford toss McVain's report on the Lts desk and complain about it instead of using the inner voice in the first paragraph. The Lt. should give some sort of argument as to why Bradford gets a partner -- maybe turn the whole "I'm too busy" thing around on him by telling him he needs the help on a case as important as the serial killer case. When cops are talking to each other they tend to use profanity, even if it's between subordinates and supervisors as long as they are on good terms; throw in a "this is ****" or something to color them up. Finally, the size and hygiene of McVain should have been an issue when Bradford first saw him. Since it wasn't, you might use it as parthian shot from Bradford to the Lt somehow -- maybe loud enough for McVain to hear ("look at him, he's a ****' slob"). Don't be afraid to use dialog instead of narrative -- this is a tight quarters chapter and there should be more talking than thinking. Hope this helps.

Thanks - I appreciate it. I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to read this one. I wasn't sure where to take it after writerchick's first chapter so I thought I'd go someplace unexpected.

Very good mash! I like the tension build up at the end.

I second the 'interesting' remark. Taggers are a different breed, certainly; the main character commands attention for that reason alone. Curious as to where this one's going.

You may have misinterpreted what I meant by "over the top". I didn't mean the soundproofing in and of itself; I actually saw that as probably being integral to the plot. I was the part about the neighbors hearing her two blocks away (from inside a closed house) that caught my attention. I'm looking forward to the next installment.

A very good beginning! There are a few technical errors which hurt the reading flow in some spots, but the plot is sound and leaves me wanting more. I hope you expand on the connection to Britain. As far as a critical analysis is concerned, I would try to be a bit more stingy with some types of information -- the whole passage about the hidden gun seemed a little too contrived (and tends to contradict that she is repressing the memory); and the soundproofing comment was slightly over the top. I gave it a 4.

If you figure it out let me know. Supposedly there is some sort of algorithm that rates things on a modified bell curve (that's my interpretation). When you vote it sometimes takes a while for any change to show up. If you vote on a story with very few votes, and your vote is substantially different than others who voted, you will see an increase/decrease. Otherwise if your vote is calculated in with the others and is similar, your vote does not appear to have an effect. The rating system is more precise (numerically) than it appears, so a 4.5 and a 4.5 are not necessarily equal. One could be a 4.578 and the other might be a 4.521. So you might effect a change and not know it.

A 5 from me too - great mash!

I know what you mean, I've got one complete novel (that needs a little updating) and one partial... This is a good place to stretch your writing legs a bit.

Dog - you talked me into sticking around.

Good job, Dog, your stuff is always so fresh! You also do a great job of leaving it open for mashing. Thanks for talking me into sticking around ;)

Good job! I gave it a 4. It also sparked a story out of me and since Dog talked me into staying I might as well be productive.

Outstanding! Well written, tight and good dialog. great buildup at the end of the chapter. It gets 5 from me.

Very well written and the introduction of the piece of cloth lends itself to a number of mash possibilities. Great job!

Beautifully written from a player's perspective, Nash, and good job keeping the feel of competitiveness between the two guys. A 5 from me also.

I agree with Dog on this one. Excellent premise. I also agree about the minor technical errors. They do tend to distract the reader. Another example: "his drawings were much to be desired". Based on the context, this should have read: "his drawings left much to be desired". I gave it a 4.

I just gave you a constructive critique on "Missing or Dead?"

You have the elements of a decent story here but there are a number of problems in my opinion. First, the police report as you presented it would never have passed muster in even a small law enforcement agency, much less one large enough to support multiple detectives. It is woefully short on detail, even if it was supplemental. I attribute this simply to inexperience. Writing short fiction should not require much research, so when you add technical details of a type you have not researched, you can fudge a little by changing the perspective from which it is delivered. Instead of putting the actual report out there for the reader to see, you could let the protagonist recall the salient points from the report as he mulled over the case (or while glancing through the crime scene photos; you get the idea). This way you avoid having to be technically correct and run the risk of the story starting out with a credibility problem. Next, we are given a date about thirteen years from now, yet there is nothing in the text that supports the premise of these events taking place in the future -- an inattentive reader might have even overlooked it. I would like to see a computer screen with some futuristic touches instead of a paper report on the desk, just to slip me into the story time frame. I think you've got something specific in mind for this one so write on! Let's see where it goes.

OK this is just pathetic. Now the Blog link on the home page is gone and my comment to you (above) got voted down to a "0" (they all start out as a "1").

It's not the contest that is the issue, Dog. I'm with you on the whole "it's about the craft" argument. My point is that if someone doesn't like what I wrote for some reason, I want them to grow a pair and tell me what the problem is with the work -- not simply vote a "1" and move on to somethi