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Discussion of "The Survivor" by Savarager


2 hebe6405 5 years, 9 months ago Reply

Nice, intense start. Toward the beginning, there's a chapter which uses "you" to describe some of the ideas. It didn't fit with the remainder of the story. Otherwise, I really like the pacing and build of mystery for this story. You have me wanting to know what happens next - which is really, really cool. I haven't read much like this recently.
Good job!


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2 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Reply

Thanks for your comment! Could you point out where you felt that "I" described some of the ideas (as opposed to letting the narration do it, I guess)? Thanks again!


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1 hebe6405 5 years, 9 months ago Reply

it starts in the third paragraph. I think that's the only paragraph where it occurs. If you have the story in a word processor, run a [find] for "you" just to double check.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Reply

Oh, I see what you mean. I think that's me paying homage/ripping off Stephen King. He does that in some of his books, switches to a conversational first-person narration.


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1 hebe6405 5 years, 9 months ago Reply

ahhh... got it.

for me, it was slightly distracting... and I haven't read much of S. King's works, so maybe that's a good endorsement for me to continue to stay away from it? ;)


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2 hebe6405 5 years, 9 months ago Reply

(and put your score back in - the system defaults a .6 to every new story that goes up to counter-act the 5 that it automatically has you score the story. this definately deserves a higher score than diddly squat. I scored it 4.5)


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2 Cheeseliker 5 years, 9 months ago Reply

wow, spectacular beginning to a strange strange story. I loved it.


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1 writerwannabe 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

This is fabulous writing, Savarager! Seriously, publishable, excellent writing. I loved it and want more! 5 stars.


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1 honeygloom 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

Great concept and a really great story. Nice pacing and tesnion. You really draw the reader in. I for one want more:)


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