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Discussion of "Tempt the Devil" by Savarager


2 Ace 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Sav Sav Sav. It's so good to see you back. You already know that I adore your writing style and this piece really exemplifies why. You tease us with a tiny little scene to get our brains going, "what? who?" and then you pause the action to paint the scene on a 32'x16' canvas complete with cherubs and plinths. In three short paragraphs you sum up a future human civilization so succinctly and realistically that I could completely believe that in 140 years or so that's the point we'd be at. The image of a giant space warship hovering over the earth "like a gigantic toy suspended above a baby's crib" is simply inspired... and chilling. I do hope you have more to post ASAP. I want to know what's happening!


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1 djinndarme 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Welcome back, Sav. This chapter so well constructed, the narrator's eagerness to know the story becomes mine. I was able to get a clear picture of both characters and the world you constructed. Hope there is soon more to come.

I'm also impressed that Ace used "plinths" in a comment.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Thanks, dj! Yeah, I taught that Ace well, didn't I? =)


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1 Ace 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

.............

Sav, you're like a brother to me. Which probably explains why I'm hating your guts right now. ;)


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1 writerwannabe 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Hey, Sav, welcome back...;o)
Love this kick off chapter, can't wait for more. I didn't see any cherubs and plinths, though. Hmmm, reckon Ace is...ummm, okay?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Define "okay".


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2 writerwannabe 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Cherubs and plinths...plinths for christ's sake! I mean, "okay"...like he's, you know, OK...not ON anything or something or, well, you know.
Probably just a natural high from reading a terrific story start....lol.


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1 Ace 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

You know, I wasn't even drunk when I wrote that!

And for your information, after spending any time at all with Sav, "okay" becomes a relative term.

And Sav, I think my social experiment has succeeded far better than I possily could have hoped. Which frightens me terribly. Time for stage two.


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1 Ace 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

They're metaphorical! Why is everyone ganging up on me today??


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1 honeygloom 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Great start Sav! You definitely know how to create and maintain suspense:)A very well crafted beginning indeed, I hope you know where this one's going because I can't wait to read more.

Umm... I had to look up plinths. *blushing in shame*


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1 NeoShaolin47 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Wow, I loved this opening Sav! Especially the foreboding scene at the onset, really sends your mind to far off places. really, REALLY hope you add more to this and dont just drop off!
NeoShaolin47


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Thanks everyone for your comments! Believe it or not, this was the most "stream of consciousness" writing I've done yet - as such, I didn't really have plans on developing it, and I was hoping some of the writers here would pick up the threads and run with it - but if there's enough demand, I might see what I can do ;-)


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1 writerwannabe 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

demand, demand, demand, demand, demand, demand,
demand, demand, demand, demand, demand, demand,
demand, demand, demand, demand, demand, demand,
demand, demand, demand, demand, demand, demand,
demand, demand, demand, demand, demand, demand,
demand, demand, demand, demand, demand, demand,

Is that enough demands for ya, Sav? Get to it! LMAO.


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1 Ace 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Oh, I forgot to mention this earlier--I adore your choice of "Hiroshima" for the warship. If ever there was a way of constantly reminding the citizens of Planet Earth (not to mention the reader) of the terrors made possible by military technological progress, naming your only space warcraft "Hiroshima" is it.


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1 PEPPZ 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Extremely well written. Nothing bad to say and we really have to see this continued. Ideas are well developed and a tone for the story was set.


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1 keysersoze 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Echo to all comments so far...great cadence and style. Good storyline on the horizon for this one, too. Loved it!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Thank you!
Love your username, by the way.


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1 dkk4510 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

I'm gone for awhile, you're gone for awhile and then BAM! You throw this at me? Give a girl a break. Suffering from sensory overload as we speak.
Side note- you coulda used the word "goop" in there somewhere! ;)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Reply

Aw shucks :)
You know, I'm honestly mystified and baffled at the overwhelmingly positive reception this story has gotten (not that I'm complaining!). But this was a story I just wrote to unclog some writer's block back in January. I never thought it had long-term potential, so I just wrote it to get the juices flowing, and then threw it on here.
But what do I know? What I think is one of my best stories, "By The Light of Venus", has only 3.7 =P
Also.....goop? You are SO weird, dkk =)


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