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Discussion of "The Messenger in the Silence" by Savarager


2 Ace 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

You already have heard most of my feedback already, but I'll post a tiny bit of it here for other people's benefit as well as your own. I love the verbal exchange between Shin Jen and Shan Tu Lek when STL is reading SJ's thoughts. It flows so well. And even though STL speaks very formally, it never seems clunky--I can completely believe that this character you have described would speak in this manner. Also, I think it was such a great idea to have that paragraph where SJ keeps the hood over his head for a while when he wakes up before he actually pushes it back and looks around. It gives you a chance to explore the situation further in a non-visual way. And the whole description of the eternal eyes of Shan Tu Lek? Brilliant. I did notice that you left in the "much, much, much" though. Was that a conscious decision, or did you just forget about it?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

Heh, thanks, kiddo. Let's see... I kept the "much much much" bit just to give some indication of the passage of time. I felt that "much, much" didn't quite convey the scope I had in mind.


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1 djinndarme 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

Well-written, well-paced story. Your description of Shan Tu Lek was spot on. Carved an image in my mind.

The triple "much" did make me pause; but as you said, it was intentional. Other than that, I was engrossed.


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1 djinndarme 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

My favorite line is, "They were so…black, so dark, so inviting." Felt the need to disclose that.


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2 honeygloom 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

Nice chapter, Savarager. Your descriptions were very well done, especially Shan Tu Lek. I just might have nightmares about him and those creepy eyes tonight. And what a horrible message, "do not oppose us." Yeesh, well, ok. Again, great chapter, looking forward to more:)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

Nightmares, eh? Mission accomplished ;-) Thanks for your comment =)


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1 Ace 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

I just re-read this story yet again (because I have no life and nothing better to do at 11:30 at night) and that second to last paragraph is pure gold. It never fails to make me shiver. Especially "No reflections, he thought dully . I'm right in front of them and I can't see a reflection." That makes me feel sick with dread. I adore this character, the world, everything. I hope this has the length of a true epic, because I never want it to end. :)


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2 NeoShaolin47 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

Wow, truly awesome work! The sense of the purest unknowable and seething dread makes me want to jump for joy. Your description for Shan Tu Lek was perfect, and the reactions he inspires are very realistic. Bravo! All I have is a pitiful grammatical error: You repeated "he supposed that he should feel embarrassed for such a pratfall;" Twice, but it happens. I'll be awaiting Ch.2 (Hopefully!)
NeoShaolin47


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

Yeah, well, it was a HELL of a pratfall =P

Thanks for the comment! I liked your choice of words ... "purest unknowable and seething dread". Very nicely worded. Thanks =)


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2 writerwannabe 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

Savarager, I remember Shin Jen and his world from previous posts and loved them, then. This is really superb writing. Everything that the others have mentioned goes double for me. I was especially impressed by the entire scene between Shan Tu Lek and Shin Jen. Masterfully done... dialogue, narrative, Jen's thought processes... all of it!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Reply

Yay, someone read the previous story! Thanks for your comments, WWB, they're big-time appreciated.
Also...this isn't the last we've seen of this world...


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1 writerwannabe 5 years, 7 months ago Reply

Sav, Sav....you should read your comments more often (regularly). Had you have done so, you would surely have noticed that I have read, voted and commented on every single post you've made here...lol. In fact, in order to make that claim, I just completed three chapters that I had not previously read; "By the Light of Venus" and "Lungs of Hell I and II".
So..hurry up with more Shin-Jen, willya?!?!


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2 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Reply

You read, commented and voted on my other stories?
*lip quiver*
You....beautiful, beautiful man.
Come here and let me have your babies.


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1 writerwannabe 5 years, 7 months ago Reply

LOL....biologically impossible, I would think...;o).


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Reply

pfft, this is a mashing website. Anything can happen.
One thing I don't really like about this site is that there isn't a notification feature, so you can see if someone's replied to your stuff. So thanks for letting me know you've been stalking me =)
I've got the next Shin-Jen-esque story in the works. It needs a little tweaking, and then it'll be good to go.


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