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All Comments by Savarager

189 comments
1 Savarager 4 years, 3 months ago Context

Heh, yeah, Ace convinced me to see what you guys were up to. Keeping busy, huh?


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1 Savarager 4 years, 4 months ago Context

SavaRANGER. Nice.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

Honeygloom: 8)

WWB: 8)


Ace: 8)

Thanks, all!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

The final chapter (no really, the final chapter) is finally up (really)! Head over to my profile and check out...the Denoument.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

I know. I've got a priest coming over later today to perform the exorcism.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

.....FRIG.

I'm guessing you were the one who forgot everything =D


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

The net begins to close, in "The Great Leveler". Read and enjoy.

Incidentally, this was supposed to be the final installment of the story, but it was too long to post in one last chapter. So this is only the penultimate piece - the real final chapter will come next week.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

Heh, thanks honey =) I had a lot of fun bouncing Shom-Ral all over the place. In some ways, he was more fun to write than Yuan-Tei.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

Yep! Next and last installment is next week.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

No, but thank you =)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

Heh. Nice. I like the deadpan end, it was a good touch to round off a good story.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

Sometimes, memory lane is a bad place to walk. You might open some... "Old Wounds".


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

Good thing I broke them up into installments =) Thanks, hg!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

Heh, thanks for the addiction comment...I think =b

I've actually got this story all written out (that was the reason behind my long disappearance a month or so ago). I'm just releasing bit by bit. I've got the story AFTER this written, and I'm working on the one after that one.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

The saga within the saga continues with the latest installment, entitled "The Brigadier". Enjoy!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

I think I can finally put my finger on why exactly I like this story so much, and that's because you don't try and present what happened in terms of a story, or with any dramatics. You don't go out of your way to say what happened - it just comes so naturally and unforced that reading it feels like a punch in the gut, or a jab to the jugular. That it's 100% factual helps, of course, but the easiest thing in the world would have been to "dramatize" it, putting touches and flairs in an ATTEMPT to make it more real ... and you just passed all those by and went in for the kill.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

Thanks guys! The next installment of the story will be posted on Monday. Appreciate your enthusiasm =)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 4 months ago Context

Way hey hey! I just posted the second chapter in my mini-series of my larger series. If that made sense, you're ready to click on my username and read "Death and the Curse II: Hunter". Read, enjoy, comment, love, send money! Please! I need to eat!


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2 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

Hah! What a concept! What execution! Brilliance, sheer brilliance.


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5 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

Dude! I can't believe you mentioned me when you're such a kickass writer yourself! *is all honored and humbled and stuff*

Seriously, thanks. You're one of my favourite writers on this site, so to get that kind of accolade is really awesome.

My inspirations come from other books, really, both good and bad ones. I read a book I like and think, 'Wow, that was awesome! I want to try that!' Alternatively, I read a book I didn't enjoy, or a book that didn't do anything for me, and I think 'Man, I can write better than that.'

I'm not much of a movie person, but movies do occasionally give me some ideas, or some inspiration.

Music is a huge part of my day (I fall asleep and wake up to my iPod, listen to my iPod on the bus or in the car, etc), but the music doesn't so much inspire me as it does ... "guide me", in a way. I'll read a book, which'll give me an idea for a story. Then I turn to the music to push me and nudge me in the direction I want to go.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

Thanks, all! TPS is a badly-borrowed joke from the movie "Office Space".

The second part of this story will follow next week.


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5 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

Wait a second, people get paid from this site?

*checks*

Son of a mother-in-law.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

....thaaaanks =b


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

Early in the story, when Yuan-Tei is sorting through the paperwork before Shom-Ral comes in.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

D'oh! So much for pop culture references =) Thanks for the rest of your comments, though.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

Frig.

It's a favorite of mine =)


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3 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

...I'm sorry, does anybody know what language this is?


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5 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

Internet. Serious business.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

WWB: Heh, thanks. I majored in political science, and the mystique and the intrigue of it has always stuck with me. This is me imagining my ultimate "what if" fantasy.

Ace: =b

Honeygloom: aww, blush. The reason I took so long with this story is that the follow-up to this one is an absolute monster. And I'm already working on the follow-up to THAT. Yeah, this writing thing is kinda nifty =) I'm glad you guys liked this one, though!


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2 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

The story was cool enough in its own right - actually, the story was GOOD enough in its own right - but that final line, about how Sammy is scaring it, that just ROCKED. That was like a whole 'nother dimension which came from NOWHERE, and it still fit perfectly at the end.

And I just love your title for this. Much like what I said earlier, you wouldn't think it fits...but it does.


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3 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

Ah, this was absolutely brilliant. Absolutely, absolutely brilliant. As Aggeloi said, I got to know these characters, got to feel them, walk in their shoes and in their skin. Utterly brilliant writing, JD. You should be proud of yourself.

My favorite line was this:
"...gift-from-a-proud-wife briefcase."

That just broke my heart. So well written.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 5 months ago Context

After a lengthy absence (due to real life and some serious writing), I'm back! Yes, back with the latest installment on my epic saga series thing. The story is entitled "Ghosts At The Funeral". Read, comment, love, send money! Preferably lots of money!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

I saved my comments for all your chapters to put here - this is an absolutely brilliant and amazing story you've got going on. Your writing is nothing short of perfect and the world you're creating is so engrossing and thrilling. I'm really looking forward to seeing how this finishes.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Heh, Shacekspeare.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

You kept switching tenses, between past and present, which threw the flow off a bit. Some of the syntax could be touched up a bit - for example:

"She had been more motherly lately, Kevin guessed it was because his middle school years were coming to a close...."

You'd need a hyphen, not a comma, between "lately" and "Kevin". There are other instances of how the syntax could be touched up to make the chapter much more natural.

The ending was interesting, if not a bit telegraphed. You'd figure as much, with a climax of a bus heading towards your protagonist and the story being called "Indestructable" (sic). The concept has interesting possibilities, though - let's see what you do with them. I'm curious.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Oh, I know. I didn't mean anything malicious with that comment. Again, I regret making it.

I'll....be over here if you need me.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Mental note: don't piss the judge off.

Sorry, Kat. I know you guys are working as hard as you can on the contest.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

If it's going to be done with the same speed as the contest, wake me up =b


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

I would actually suggest that we do the Skype discussion on Facebook. Facebook is much more conducive to getting to know people than on this place.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

You make it up, silly!

The dialog, that is, not the Latin. Don't make up Latin.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Ah, this was beautiful and heartbreaking. The little touches, like mentioning the puzzle on the dining room table, that broke my heart. Well done.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Is there an official Facebook group or something for Storymash? There's a Storymash page, but only two people are on it, and not much is happening there. I just thought it'd be cool if we could socialize off the site, since Storymash doesn't lend much by way of getting to know your fellow authors.


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4 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Based on my (somewhat extensive) exposure to historical fiction, we'll include real historical characters and events in our writing - sort of filling the gaps in an imaginative and creative way. What did Julius Caesar say to his wife the morning he was killed? A day in the life of John F. Kennedy - November 23rd, 1963. That kind of thing.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Aye, there's advertising software out there that picks up on keywords and links to products and services based on those words (even if the products and services offered don't have anything to do with the context of the story).


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Wonderful characters, their interactions were so human and real. You could almost see yourself hovering over a real couple, having these kinds of conversations with each other - your creations were that vivid.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Oh, you read the other one first? yeah, this is the first story of the...ah..."saga" (heh). I had the mental image of a guy using nothing more than a staff to defend himself from an absolute hail of arrows (think like the comic/movie "300").

Then, because this scene wasn't confined to any one place or time in history, I came up with the idea of creating my own "world" where these characters could fit into. I had (and have) some other story ideas that I keep adapting into this series, all building up to one serious mother of a conclusion =)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Oh, and I forgot to mention - the "blunder" was solved in this story (with a little help from Ace). It was actually committed in the first chapter of this...saga (heh), but I did what I wanted to do and worked it in to the context of the story at large.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

That anxiety you mentioned - not the last time it rears its head.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

I'm really glad (and a little surprised) people are getting into this whole thing. Fantasy worlds are a dime a dozen, so I'm doing something right =)

The plot goes as it's written - Yuan-Tei has the dream, meets with his superior, then has the dream again. I got tired of reading books where the antagonist is a one-dimensional bastard, so I wanted to do something interesting with his character, hence the dreams. This isn't the last time we'll see Yuan-Tei (or Shin-Jen, for that matter), and I'll keep developing the characters until...heh, you'll see.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Powerful reading. The vividness and awesomeness of the storm is really well brought out here, a perfect reflection of Gail's (heh) anger and rage.

Was I the only one who saw the storm as a metaphor for sex?

Also, you missed a word in the first paragraph:

"mingle with the gathering clouds before disappeared from view."

Nothing terrible. Still a great chapter to read.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Yeesh. I feel ya, duder. Hope things work out for you.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

I'd like to point out that the story I had stalled because of this whole "writing into a corner business" is now the featured story.

Who your daddy. Who your daddy long time.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Might as well jump!
Sorry. Just go for it.
Also, welcome to Storymash.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

You're not mating with me, sunshine!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

heh. heh heh heh. heheheheheh.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Yeah, but don't tell anyone, especially Ace :b


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

New story! New story! Go read run see happy hi hi!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

1) Notes. Right. Got it.

2) How do you insert two line breaks, instead of a simple return, into your comments?

3) The plot oversight is in one of the stories I've posted up here. Now that it's here, published, for all the world to see, I'm loath to change anything about it. Hence, I'm compelled to work within the framework that I've established. This isn't necessarily a bad thing - I'm just somewhat miffed at myself that in my exuberance, I didn't plan this out well enough.

I'd write more, but it's like really friggin' late.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

pfft, this is a mashing website. Anything can happen.
One thing I don't really like about this site is that there isn't a notification feature, so you can see if someone's replied to your stuff. So thanks for letting me know you've been stalking me =)
I've got the next Shin-Jen-esque story in the works. It needs a little tweaking, and then it'll be good to go.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

I love stories like this. Nothing huge, epic, or dramatic happening - just a scene so normal, so everyday, so human, you can really imagine being there and saying the same thing these characters are.

And I just loved how you ended it. Great story. Great story.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

I don't even check my earnings - I daresay it's going to be a long, long time until I've accumulated enough to get a paycheck.

At least, not until I win a contest. Heh heh heh.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Woohoo! Another comment!

Thanks for your insight. I really don't want to touch this. I love the mystery and the feeling of leaving the reader hanging, confused - it comes from too much Ray Bradbury, I think.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

It's a story that's up here on the site. I have long-term plans for the characters, so I need to work around the obstacles I've written in their way.

I've actually taken a short break from the story I'm working now, which (obliquely) deals with the lack of forethought I put into my plotting. I used to do it when I had to write assignments in school - just step back, take a breath, clear the head, and approach with new, fresh perspective.

Much as I appreciate the offer of help, I don't quite want to disclose the details of my roadblock, for fear that I will give away some plot points (and also on the off-chance that I can figure it out, you guys won't know about it, haha).


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2 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

You read, commented and voted on my other stories?
*lip quiver*
You....beautiful, beautiful man.
Come here and let me have your babies.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Dear Nash,

1) Thanks! Notes?

2) Yes and yes. I have an idea of how I want this to end, but at the same time, I'm also making it up as I go along.

3) I'm somewhat concerned that I've already passed the point where I can take multiple directions. Honestly, I shot myself in the foot in the very first chapter of the story. Nobody pointed it out, but it's an oversight that will need to be addressed.

4)I'm not generally a fan of deus exes (except the computer game series), so I'm really looking for ways to work WITHIN the (very flawed) structures I've established. If necessary, though, I wouldn't mind blasting through the walls.

Thanks for your input!


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3 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

What do you do when you don't plan out your plot well enough, and you found that you've written a potentially unrealistic/unbelievable situation that you can't back out of? If it's fiction, I suppose you could just write your way out of it, but...
I guess you can see my problem. I COULD write my way out of it, but I'm afraid I'll be taking the easy way out, and my explanation will seem too easy, or too contrived.
Argh.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

This was SERIOUSLY good stuff.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 6 months ago Context

Storytime! Continuing the epic saga thing from "In The Heart of the Sun" and "The Messenger In The Silence", I now present ... "Something Evil This Way Comes".


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Really good flow, pace and action, but honestly, that "(to be continued)" at the end spoiled it a bit. It just completely threw off the natural rhythm your story had. But an entertaining read, nonetheless!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Yeah, well, it was a HELL of a pratfall =P

Thanks for the comment! I liked your choice of words ... "purest unknowable and seething dread". Very nicely worded. Thanks =)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Nightmares, eh? Mission accomplished ;-) Thanks for your comment =)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Yay, someone read the previous story! Thanks for your comments, WWB, they're big-time appreciated.
Also...this isn't the last we've seen of this world...


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Heh, thanks, kiddo. Let's see... I kept the "much much much" bit just to give some indication of the passage of time. I felt that "much, much" didn't quite convey the scope I had in mind.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Very, very nice. Well written and nice twist at the end. I'm looking forward to more.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Word up, my homies. I've got a new story up, entitled "The Messenger in the Silence", set in the same world as "In The Heart of the Sun". Take a look at it and let me know what you think of it.
Big thanks to Ace and Ace's significant other for their input and help on this one!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Aw shucks :)
You know, I'm honestly mystified and baffled at the overwhelmingly positive reception this story has gotten (not that I'm complaining!). But this was a story I just wrote to unclog some writer's block back in January. I never thought it had long-term potential, so I just wrote it to get the juices flowing, and then threw it on here.
But what do I know? What I think is one of my best stories, "By The Light of Venus", has only 3.7 =P
Also.....goop? You are SO weird, dkk =)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

"Publicly", Ace. "Publicly". Sheesh.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Ish =) Ace is in Toronto and I'm in Seattle.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Thank you!
Love your username, by the way.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Sorry, "fable" isn't the right word - as hebe said, "morality tale".


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

This brought back memories. Good fable.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

.....thanks, honey =P


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Thanks everyone for your comments! Believe it or not, this was the most "stream of consciousness" writing I've done yet - as such, I didn't really have plans on developing it, and I was hoping some of the writers here would pick up the threads and run with it - but if there's enough demand, I might see what I can do ;-)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

I like the setting, and you've obviously done your research, but the writing was clunky in places, and some typos threw the flow off. But I'll be interested in seeing where you take this.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Define "okay".


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Thanks, dj! Yeah, I taught that Ace well, didn't I? =)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

=P


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

!! thanks!


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2 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Hey everyone!
Been a while since I've done anything on SM, but I'm back with a new story entitled "Tempt the Devil". Check it out and let me know what you think. It's kinda...science fiction-ish. Ish.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Get a room, you two!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Heh, I just had a vision of a bunch of campers, dropping hints to one another.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Neither have I, but I get news updates for all metal stories.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

That's the last time I refer to myself in the third person (and with the definite article, no less), I promise.

Either way, my latest story is called "In The Heart of the Sun". I've set it in my own fantasy world (God, that sounds bizarre) which, for some reason, adopts Chinese-ish naming conventions. For some reason, I like this little fantasy world of mine (heh), and am thinking of setting a few more stories in this world.

Either way, the story is called "In The Heart of the Sun". Enjoy.

http://storymash.com/u/Savarager/huvewumu/


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2 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

...what what?

=P


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Heh, thanks. Believe it or not, "show don't tell" has its own Wikipedia article =P


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2 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Hey all,

I was wondering what the etiquette is on promoting your own stories in the forums. Encouraged? Frowned upon? Ignored? Because I wrote a new chapter a couple of days ago, but I haven't plugged it here because I didn't know how such a move would be received.

TY!


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3 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

....I haven't even read the whole story, and I'm already thinkin'....thoughts...


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

=D


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Thanks, WW!
....what does "show, don't tell" mean?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Heh, you haven't seen mine, synny.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

heh, I could relate to this - my old church wasn't exactly welcoming of heavy metal, but that's in the past. As Nash said, it wasn't really a story, but it was honest, and I enjoyed that.

Hey synapto, did you hear that Believer have a new album coming out soon?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

What, you've never heard a Caneedian accent?


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2 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

That might be a copyright issue, seeing as how money will be involved.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

I've got a cat to counter your Canadian mouse!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Heh, Canadia.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Well, people who don't want to buy headphones could still type their messages into the Skype chatroom - they wouldn't be left out, I don't think.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

So StoryMash would have to figure out a way to integrate with Skype. I guess that's up to the SM designers.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

How exactly would we coordinate it? Say a bunch of Storymashers all sign up with Skype, download the software, buy the headsets, etc - does somebody suggest a date and time for us to "conference", and then we all show up?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Skype chat would be cool. I'd be down for that.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

I'll send you my Storymash earnings - all one hundred and eighty nine cents' worth =P


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3 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

I LOVED your prose - you painted such a lush and descriptive picture, such vivid memories and impressions. And I loved the flat, blunt "No, son" at the end, too.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Yeah, everybody owes me now!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Still need help with the typos, huh? Heh heh heh.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Good build of tension and menace, but not much seemed to happen. The climax was over way too quickly for it to really have a resounding BANG at the end.
...wow, that sounded much more like bad sex than I intended for it to be.
Not that I ever have bad sex, of course.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

....hoo-lee cow.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Really well written. Not much happened, but nothing needed to happen. You wrote the Dad character perfectly. I echo JD's sentiment about how sad this is all too common.


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3 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Yeah, where exactly IS the contest?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

*waves*
By the way, Ace, the second writing challenge is up in the forums now. Jump in.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

I'd say "give me your best shot", but you gave me "toilet" last time =P
So come on, sissy, give me your best shot!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Funny you mention that - I was actually thinking of writing a story about Mary Jane Kelly, told from her perspective the night she died. Considering she was the Ripper's last, and most mutilated victim, I thought there might be an interesting story there.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Oh, nice work spelling "challenge" properly =P


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Come on come on come on!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

If you didn't say such nice things about me on the Storymash broadcast the day the winner of the writing contest was announced, crystal, I would've said no =P


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4 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

You're insane. You're absolutely insane =P


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1 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Hey DK, what's the rule on doing this twice? For example, I've already written a chapter based on a word you provided, so am I precluded from doing it again, or what?


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3 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

....unbelievable. =P Brilliantly unbelievable.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Thanks, everybody! This is one of the (very) few times I've tried my hand at comedy, and I guess it worked =P


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3 Savarager 5 years, 8 months ago Context

This is really very good, and I especially loved the lack of complete closure in the ending. How did you come up with the idea for this?


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0 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Nicely done =P


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

I'm a history buff myself, so historical fiction will absolutely rock my world.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

That's 'cause I'm AWESOME =D


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Thanks, synapto! For anyone else reading who's wondering, my assigned word was "toilet".


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Okay, I posted my story for this idea. The story is called "The Flushing."

Also, DK, you spelled "challenge" wrong =P


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Much as I would like to do sci-fi/fantasy/horror, I agree, it's become almost cliched. Go on, surprise us. Make it something light-hearted.


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3 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Alright, people, my contribution to DK's idea has been posted. Check it out at my profile. It's called... "The Flushing".


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

....shut the flush up =P


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Yeah, like FLUSH!
....*hugs and kisses back*


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Lovely story, this would be great to continue on its own merit.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

.....I hate you.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Crap, I had no idea this discussion was underway in the forums. Gimme your best shot, DK!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Bring it on!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

How are new contests generally started? Katrina announces that the contest is on, we all write our hearts out, and voila?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

"Glaarflen was ovulating again." - that's the best intro to a story ever.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Dialog seemed a little stilted at times, but a fun read. Liked the twist at the end.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

This was such a great story, JD - so well written. Thank you for sharing this with us.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Thanks for your comments and your tips! I'm trying to develop my narrative and my prose, and it's still a work in progress, obviously =P


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2 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Is "charming" the right word? I think so. Your world was very well created. One too many typos for a perfect chapter, but a good & interesting read nonetheless.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Thanks for commenting! I have in mind to develop the further story (but contributors are still welcome), and the rumors will play a part in what is to follow.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Very well done. Really enjoyed reading it. I'm going to have some fun thinking of how to contribute to this.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Thanks, wolf! I'm not sure that Maribel *accidentally* shot Pete - she may not have been entirely conscious of the act, but I don't think it was purely an "oops, pulled the trigger" moment. As for the lack of remorse, I don't think she had much time to dwell on the act, given what followed.
I had to sacrifice a lot of formatting because the story was so long. It makes reading it slightly trickier than it should be.
But thanks for the rest of your comments! Appreciated much.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Thanks, foo! A "fight their way out" ending would've been fun, but awfully quick and one-sided.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Thanks! I agree, the remote detonation probably should have come in earlier, but the way the story ends, it might have actually happened before Maribel got the chance to go through with the murder-suicide. I put that angle in because they faced almost certain death from the Society or the FBI, and submitting to either would've seemed like a cop-out.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Thanks =) it's probably just me, but I love stories that leave you hanging...hence a couple of my other stories here. Too much Ray Bradbury, I think.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

You'll absolutely hate me for pointing this out, but you misspelled "multifarious" in the title =P


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

...or a story =)


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2 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Woah, this is FRIGGING good! The only minor problem was that there were a few typos and other minor grammatical errors, but otherwise the plot and characters were incredibly well done. I thought I was reading a published novel at a couple of points. Brilliant chapter.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Yep, I've started using Google Docs myself, and it rocks! Seriously, Google will take over the world someday. And I, for one, welcome my Google overlord masters!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Aw, poop.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Okay, one more question =P
Are spaces counted?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

=) Thanks. The character limit is proving to be a pain, though. Do you think Tolkein had to worry about character limits?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Understood. Thank you!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Thanks for your comment! Thanks also for pointing out the detail about the children being at the school - I evidently missed the reason for their return in the previous chapter. Still a while left to figure something new out, but I appreciate your pointing it out.
Also, thanks for pointing out the grammatical problems. Cheers.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

=) Thanks.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

Dang, I wish I could write like that sometimes =P

Not often, mind you, but sometimes.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 9 months ago Context

I'm going to echo JD_Renaissance's first comment - a typo here and there, but an intriguing story. A long-lost twin brother...nice. Well written, and the personal touches made it very ... touching, for lack of a better word =)


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1 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

Thanks for your answers! I'm using Microsoft OneNote.
So there's no actual *word* count, per se? Only characters are measured?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

What's the word limit on our entries for the final round of Contest #6? I'm just a touch under 5,000 words and not yet done with the story, so I was wondering what kind of a net I have. Thanks!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

Many thanks!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

A couple of days ago, my story "The Survivor" was the featured chapter on Storymash. Firstly, yay! Secondly, I was wondering how the featured chapter was selected; if it's recorded anywhere on Storymash (e.g. "on such date, such chapter, written by such author, was the featured chapter"); and if it entails anything, other than the increased exposure.

Thanks!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

Oh, I see what you mean. I think that's me paying homage/ripping off Stephen King. He does that in some of his books, switches to a conversational first-person narration.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

Yeah, it was intended as a complete story. Did I go overboard on the mystery?

Thanks for your comment!


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2 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

Thanks for your comment! Could you point out where you felt that "I" described some of the ideas (as opposed to letting the narration do it, I guess)? Thanks again!


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2 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

This was absolutely brilliant. I think I'm becoming a fan of yours.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

Oo, this was good. Scarily good. Bit short, but otherwise really well done.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

A good grab. Hopefully there's more.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

Thanks for the comment! Like I've mentioned before, practically nothing about my chapter was thought out, hence the lack of plot movement or development. If I can take some pride in my work, I really liked what I did with the Mayor, and I'm flattered you felt the same.
And.....yes, I nailed the Mayor. Thanks =P


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2 Savarager 5 years, 10 months ago Context

A good read, but I had my reservations:

Sometimes the dialogue seemed very forced, or theatrical; for example,

"Bill! What the hell is going on!" I demanded. "Why are you holding me here against my will."

It just doesn't seem like a natural choice or flow of words for the given situation. The "You!" at the end was also dramatic, and not in the positive sense. If that's what you were going for, then I retract all of this :-)

Also, the revelation that Ms. B/Sp. Agent Gardener had been sleeping around didn't seem to fit the plot. Seeing as how the previous two chapters didn't even hint at this, it seemed tacked on.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

Really good. I loved how the flashback forecast the twist. Really well done, and the Mayor's character was also nicely done, too. 4.5/5.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

Thanks! As I said before, anywhere upwards of 90% of the story was done on-the-spot, hence why I didn't have much actually happening (that, and I'm a fan of locked-door dramas, I guess, haha). Thanks for your comment.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

Plot moved along very nicely, and you did a great job with the characters of Beatrice York and her counselor - very believable and realistic.

There were a few typos and grammatical errors, though, which sometimes interrupted the flow of the narrative. Those, unfortunately, stopped your chapter from being an out-of-the-ballpark read, but it was nonetheless a good piece of writing.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

By "hammy", I meant kind of campish; with so many exclamation marks, it detracted from what the characters were saying. But you're right, it is a very fine balance between complete dullness and overkill.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

Ah - I saw the disappearance of the children as something more supernatural in nature (a la "Children of the Damned" or something Stephen King-ish).


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1 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

Thanks for your comment! 98% of my chapter was completely on-the-spot, hence why not much happened by way of plot. Next time, though...next time!


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1 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

Heh, it happens.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

Punctuation needs a little work, and the dialogue was a little off (everybody starting their sentences with "Why"). And hadn't the children vanished off the street in part 2?


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1 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

Yeah, looking back on it, I definitely could have fleshed it out more. Oh well. Loved your chapter, though.


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1 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

Dialogue seemed stilted, at times, but action was really good, story moved along very well, and I liked the twist at the end. 4/5.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

I found the syntax of the dialogue a bit hammy, honestly, with all the exclamation marks, but the story moved quickly and it was still a good read.


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2 Savarager 5 years, 11 months ago Context

It's aggregating your vote and two other votes. Thanks for your vote and your comment!


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