I was completely drained by the time the Enforcers dropped me off at my apartment. This day was just too long and too ridiculous. I was so tired that I seriously considered just passing out in the lobby instead of taking the walk up the stairs. I decided that I wasn't quite ready to be that pathetic quite yet and climbed up to my apartment. When I got to the door I was surprised to find that it was locked. You wouldn't think goons would be polite enough to lock up after themselves after coming to your house, knocking you out and kidnapping you.
I walked in to find Rose sitting on one of the kitchen chairs with her legs propped up on the table. She was wearing pale lavender pajama boxer-shorts and a white tanktop with no bra. She looked very comfortable (if you know what I mean) and was eating a cup of yogurt.
"Hey," she said to me.
"Since when do I have yogurt?" I asked, "also, how did you get in here?"
She studied the cup of yogurt for a moment, "I don't know, I saw it in the fridge and grabbed it. Also, your door was unlocked so I just let myself in. But I was a good girl and locked up so no bad men could get in." I had no idea if the irony of that statement was apparent to her,but gosh darn it did she sound cute saying it. Also, **** those goon bastards. Here I was, giving them the benefit of the doubt and thinking they could be decent.
"Ok, next question," I said, "who are you?" This was probably important. I seriously had no idea who this girl was.
"Hi, my name is Rose," she said.
"Ok, I got that much, but who are you? Why are you here? Why did you help me earlier today, and why haven't you called the cops? You haven't called the cops, right?"
"Alright, let's go back in reverse," she said, finishing the yogurt and throwing the empty cup on the floor. Might as well, the place was pretty trashed. Trenchcoat wasn't lying when he said it smelled like ****, "no, I didn't call the cops. I didn't do that because it would be disadvantageous for all of us."
"Who's all of us?"
"My organization had certain business with the guy you toasted earlier, and that he bailed you out of jail after your incident earlier today" she said, "we also know that he asked you to kill Henry Simmons."
This was getting strange again, she seemed to know pretty much everything.
"We know pretty much everything," dude, seriously, "we have his house wired."
"Ok, that explains that," I said, "but what was your interest in the guy in the Trenchcoat?"
"I'm sure that the two of you talked, either in the jail or when he came here," she said.
"And looking at the way you look, dress, smell and keep your dirty **** apartment, you're not the most tactful of people. So I'm guessing that you asked him how he was so rich."
"And I'm guessing that he told you something along the lines of his father invented some complicated something that made something else amazing and that he didn't understand what he did."
"Well that 'something' was actually invented by my father," she said "it was stolen by that dirtbag's dirtbag father."
"The good old revenge theme," I said.
"Yeah, something like that," she said.
"So you needed an organization for this?" I asked.
"Well they had other business with him and were willing to help me with my goal if I helped them with their's."
"Enemy of my enemy," I said.
"Ok, so where do I come in to the equation?"
"Henry Simmons is also important to the organization," she said, "and after learning that you went to college together, the organization sparked an interest in you too."
"Great, this sounds like it's going to be very annoying for me," I said, "so what's your interest in me?"
She came up and wrapped her arms around the back my neck, "I just think you're hot."
"Flattery will get you everywhere, my lady."
She took my hand, "now come on, I've got some goodies for you."
She led me into my bedroom. What stood in front of me was perhaps the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and completley made all the troubles of the day just disappear. What stood in front of me was an amazing looking, toddler-sized basket of fresh baked muffins! I let go of Rose's hand and jumped into bed. I took the topmost muffin and held it in my hand, looking at it, smelling it, undressing it with my eyes. It was so perfect! It's grooves and bumps and ridges, all golden brown and softer than a baby's **** just seemed to be inviting me like gentle angels saying, eat me. This was it. This was it! This was what happiness must feel like!
I took my first bite. The muffin was perfect! It was perfectly soft and wonderfully flavorful with just a hint of maple. It felt like all my hopes and dreams had come to fruition...in my mouth! I was ecstatic. I was happy. I was refreshed. I was filled with a brand new energy that made my skin tingle and my hair stand up. I was complete.
When it was over, I just lay in my bed, full and surrounded by the gory remains of the Muffin Massacre. I finally noticed that Rose was still standing there, looking at me with awe. She must've been there the whole time.
"Wow," was all that came out of her mouth.
"That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me," I said, "I don't know how to thank you."
I might marry this girl, I thought.
"I've got an idea," she said.
And then I found out just how comfortable she was.