It all started with a muffin. Well, actually, it started when I woke up and suddenly had a strong urge to eat a muffin. It was the strangest thing. I got out of bed, threw on some clothes and left the house, without even a destination in mind. All I could think about was getting me a muffin.
Walking down the street I started to rack my brain for the nearest coffee shop. Remembering that there was one a few blocks away, I picked up the pace. When the coffee shop came in sight, the thought of eating that soft, warm mass of delicious completely took over my head. I could almost taste it!
Unfortunately, it was right around lunch time so the line was painfully long. No matter, all good things come to those who wait, I thought as I went to the back. The line was moving along swiftly. I could now see the muffins behind the glass of the display case! I would have it in minutes!
"Scott, is that you?"
I turned around. Henry Simmons. This guy was in practically all the same classes with me in college. That's not to say I didn't like him. He was a real stand-up kind of guy. Now just wasn't the time.
"Oh, hey Henry," I said.
"Of all the places. I can't believe I'd run into you here," he said with a big smile on his face, "how long's it been? It must be about 3 years now."
"It's been 4 and a half years, Henry." I replied.
"So, what are you up to?" he asked, "still working at that magazine?"
"I got fired about a month ago," I said quickly.
"Oh my goodness!" he said with sincere shock, "what happened?"
"Sexual harrassment," I said with a straight face, looking him dead in the eyes. He was speechless.
He tried saying something but only strange alien mouth sounds came out. I was starting to get really irritated.
"Look Henry, I don't really want to talk about it, ok?" I said, "I just want to get my muffin and get out of here."
"Alright, man, that's cool," he said, "I get ya, I like muffins too."
I turned around to face the muffins again. Just three people ahead of me.
"Hey, are you still with Erika? Jenny and I got married about a year ago."
I was starting to get pretty angry now. "That's great Henry. Erika and I broke up 2 years ago. She was having an affair."
He was silent for a while again.
"I'm so sorry."
I didn't say anything.
Silence again. I was almost fuming with rage at thie point. But it would all be ok in a moment. There was only one person in line before me. I was minutes away from heaven in my mouth!
"Hey, a few of us are trying to put together a poker game this Friday, do you play?"
I stayed silent.
"Or maybe you could just come by some time for a drink. Jenny would love to see you again."
Henry tapped me on the shoulder. The person in front of me was finally done with his order. He walked away with his bag of food and a rightfully satisfied look on his face. Now it was finally my turn!
I took a step away from Henry towards the counter. I needed that muffin! Just then Henry grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. Goddammit! I was furious at this abrupt interruption. How dare he get between me and the muffin!? As I spun around I drew back my hand, balled it into a fist and swung. It connected with Henry's jaw, which made a clicking sound as his teeth clacked together. He fell back on his ****.
"I just want my **** muffin!" I shouted, red in the face. Everyone in the place was looking at me, shocked.
That's when I remembered that after college, Henry had given up journalism and became a cop.
I just wanted my muffin.