All Comments by Regz

(it was four! They can't count either! That makes five!)

Dude! Write more! I suspect more people would try if they saw you putting in an effort. You're like the unofficial/official (it doesn't really matter here does it?) union leader here. Set an example! Be the change you (and others) want (of you) to see (because they're too lazy, unskilled, unread, unknown or any combination of the three)!

Well done, as usual. I'd try to give some detailed feedback but Cornelius just said it all (and better). My only concern is that this is all we'll get from you, and you'll let some other shmoe take a crack at **** up your proverbial ****, as you are wont to do.

Thank you much for the praise. I, too, had the idea of sticking in a reporter in there, but just didn't get around to it. Just wanted this first entry to be the groundwork for the type of story and characters this is. Also, I imagine (hope) this can be quite the interesting mash chapter, it can really go anywhere.

I haven't felt this way about most of the work I've seen here, but this definitely speaks to me. You painted it perfetly; the imagery (or lack thereof), the emotion, the rises and falls. Just splendid. Hats off to you, sir.

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm sorry if I kind of burst the bubble, but this was mainly a writing exercise I was trying out. The idea is to write about two characters who have secrets from each other and have the audience never know either. So, I'm not entirely sure I will be continuing this one, but anyone is more than welcome to if they so wish.

Smoking is good because it's smoking :)

Didn't Cleese's character run away with Wanda and live happily ever after in the end? (I don't quite remember).

Yeah, I agree with the usual consequences of these kinds of shenanigans, but I just wanted to give it an unbelievably tight, easy end. No fuss, no muss.

So he decides to Rainman his way out of sex? Real smooth

Very nice indeed! I also liked the tone and the imagery. It was quite possibly the closest thing to rated PG-porn...(wait does that work?).
I would like to say though, that I was a little dissapointed with the guy's reaction at finding out the girl's a teenager. I mean, he already did it 4 times and is already knowingly cheating on his wife. When you've gone that far, you might as well be "**** yeah! Bangin' a teenager!" But, then again, I'm pretty sure that says less about the story and more about me...

I really enjoyed this. You transition really well and describe just enough to paint a picture without using any imagery. Very nice. Can't wait to read more.

No, we aren't too familiar with each other, and not to brag either, but there are (hopefully) 2 people that read and enjoy my "work."

It is my, perhaps naive, impression that if a writer considers himself one of quality, then anytime he "nonchallantly puts words together" something worth reading should be the result. That, or it should have at least been an important round of practice for the author and not just literary diarrhea. And that's not a shot at you or anyone just a goal for myself, and one that I'm pretty sure I haven't been reaching.

Anyway, I didn't and don't mean to provoke with this or the other comment. I was just really trashed at the time :P

Ouch. The gear stuff was to give a sense of escalation/level of high? With the mom fight being the crash part, but I don't think I wrote Azu's part well enough for it to really work. Or the next masher could make her like cars, iunno. As for the woman, I wrote her in after reading it over again and feeling it to lack a certain opener quality/cliffhanger deallie going on. But, I guess that wasn't for me to decide. Appetite's bigger than my mouth, huh?

Wow, this just reads like an awesome children's book. Excellent. I don't think anyone could've asked for anything better!

The fire is never out. Just sometimes buried under doubt and other worthless crap

It is my honest opinion that one is never out of ideas. You just need to put the pen to the paper and let the words flow, or in this case hands to the keyboard. Never give up on yourself. In order to prove this, I will, in my current incredibly drunk state, write a chapter right now with nothing to go on...

Published my shot at the opener with a bit of a different ending than what you saw.

Questions? Concerns? Criticisms? Compliments? Condiments?

Thank you much. I guess evoking emotion really is the ticket.

JD totally has a point, and I need to take some of her advice myself. But, from what I've seen, exposition isn't all too bad. Rather, I think there's a certain time and place for everything. Do we need to know these two worlds' strife and this guy's family ties and a deep explanation of his honor and sense of duty in the first 3 paragraphs of what's trying to become an epic tale? Maybe not. It feels like there's a lot you want to convey, but let it take its course so that we can understand things better through reading the story, like JD said, and not through being told about it.

And yeah, lots of salt with anything I say.

Yeah, what WWB said. Not the biggest sifi fan either, but the first chapter was quite interesting enough to make me want to continue reading. I particularly really liked that you just proved God exists, pretty cool stuff.

I like it, it's nice and simple with some good imagery.

I like the atmosphere and the tone you set up. Characters could use a little depth, and maybe the story itself could use some meat. It felt like it ended too fast. Nonetheless, waiting for the next one.

Thanks. This was also meant to be a one-shot. I was mainly focusing on the nervousness the guy feels, so I'm not sure continuing would add anything to that.

Oooh, ooh. Pick me! Pick me! I'm totally down.

As promised, 19 is out too.

Chapter 18 of the (mildly) awaited Muffin is up. More to come soon.

http://storymash.com/u/Regz/kuvuriwu/

I'd imagine adding "Adult Content" to your title would all but guarantee that minors read your stuff. You should instead give it names that would completely disinterest minors, like "smoking isn't cool" and "no sex before marriage" and "unicorns and bunnies dancing through a field of rainbows and dolphins" or some other random crap like that.

Hello, and welcome! I'd like to start by saying I know next to nothing about poetry, but reading this, one can tell you put some real emotion in this one. To the untrained I (intended :P), this feels like it weaves between prose and verse throughout the whole piece. Also, I like the fact that the shape of the poem itself looks like a spider without any legs pointing down.

Hmmm, I intended the first to be a one-off with a nice comical twist that (hopefully) no one saw coming, but now that you've given a little more depth to bucket and added the dog, I'm interested to see where it goes. Are we going to have another twist where it takes a turn back to serious? Action comedy? Horror? Romance?

Thanks, glad you liked it. It wasn't my intention to poke fun at any women other than the narrator. I usually feel that I can come up with ideas, but not actualy any good "writing" so I just decided to make a chapter full of flash and zero substance, hence the title. I think it's more of a "I wonder how long it'll take the reader to figure out what this is about" kind of story.

Thanks, Katrina. I hope it won't be the last time.

Praise from Ceasar.

The two concepts that struck me most from the intial chapter (besides the exploding goose, of course) was the fact that you drew a lot of attention to Irving's name, and the title itself. Down in the Basement seemed like an unavoidable continuation. So, I just looked for something I could work with using names and basements.

Now I'm just gonna sit here and wait for Out in the Yard to come out.

I just felt compelled to write this after seeing the recent slew of new talent around here.

I'm actually a big supporter of the donut movement. I like mouffins, and the fresh, fluffy ones can really make my day, but I don't think I've had a muffin in about 2 years... maybe that's the real reason why I started to write about em?

Wrote a chapter for nash's Up on the Roof after being inspired by Vents are for hot air.

http://storymash.com/u/Regz/volobike/

One tries. And it wasn't 0 stars, yo. Give me/yourself some credit

Thank you. However, to make your disappointment less prolonged, no, I don't think I do get into detail into what most of the main characters look like. Just trying to make it easy to cast people for when the movie comes out :P

thank you very much. That's exactly what I needed to hear to keep me going.

Excellent rendition of the night before! I'm not usually big on poems, but this one's just awesome. Perfect pace, imagery, feeling, everything. Feels like I'm seeing these events flash as I read.

"Outside" is one word, comma after cafe. "She" should be capitalized, "that window" should be "the window." And that's just the first 2 sentences. Also, the paragraphs are crazy long. Cut down yo.

A nice little taste of things to come. I really like the negative twist to the elements, not something you see too often. Aside from a few grammagical mistakes, it's pretty solid. Keep it up!

Sad to say that I wasn't much of a part of the community during my time here, but it's great seeing everyone writing again. Truly wordsmiths, you are.

I can just hear something like Pennywise playing in my head while reading this (and I don't even like em!). Very succinct, quick flow. Me likes.

Thanks, will have to remember the whole "consistency" thing.

LOL, I actually don't remember. I thought him up months ago, then touched on him a little bit in one of the intermissions, but nothing since. It's really something of a challenge to maintain a certain level of ridiculous while keeping "story quality" relatively decent and interesting.

I expected more anger than praise. Thought I'd kinda **** up your story there. I don't have much of a penchant for horror so I kinda went a different route. You're also completely right about the crappy writing. I've never been good at the sizzle, I just come up with the steak. Thanks for your criticism though, I will definitely try to work on it.

Thanks. You seemed to start something really nice and dark and serious, so naturally, I had a sudden urge to make it about a retired cyber hooker...

one small step for mashing...?

You're totally right, a lot of whining about not enough "commons" on here.

And while it really doesn't matter if someone doesn't comment on or rate anything, I think people really would appreciate constructive criticism to help their craft, or just a nice pat on the back for a job well done.

Calling this awful would suggest that one was able to see a goal and this "attempt" fell far, far short of it. That said, one finds it hard to even begin to perceive a goal or story or artistic expression in this "piece."

I sincerely hope that you wrote this high or drunk, or as a joke/troll/prank etc. I would then simply feel tricked and that I had my time wasted.

If not, and this was a legitimate attempt at writing, please stop. Stop now. It's not for you.

thanks for the pointer, still not doin so well with remember to double check/proofread

just felt I had to make up for 12, which, was in part making up for lack of muffins in 11. I meant for 12 and 13 to really be one chapter but kinda got caught up when writing 12 and had to get back to work before being able to continue, hence the abrupt ending there.

A bit of a selfish request here, if anyone's read (my) Muffin, I would love to hear any thoughts and especially criticisms on the story or writing or anything at all. Every little thing helps. Thanks a lot.

Excellent writing. Everything is just so...right? Very good. Ended a bit abruptly though, but that'll keep us waiting for the next chapter.

Good stuff! I thought the memories conversation with the doctor got off to a bit of a quick start and got a bit too escalated too fast, but other than that, very nice. I'll be waiting for the next one.

I liked the use of all the flowery words. You really seem to be trying to get the readers to feel for your character.

That said though, I'd recommend you to brush up on your grammar. You've got quite a lot of tense mix ups. Also, I found there to be a number of things that don't seem to make any sense. Like why anyone would wait til their step daughter was 19 to throw them away, or why would the step mom throw her away in the first place. The line "my step sisters were already being courted by many men" makes them sounds like super whores (don't know if that's what you were going for), and why does the prince of the forest have two Japanese last names?

Well done! I really like the way you describe the characters and backstories.

Very captivating and trippy. Well done.
What an **** The Park is, though!

I just might have to :)

Excellent stuff, man. It was a really fun and fast paced read.

No, I don't know what that is. Just talk here.

what's email?

This kind of **** is annoying. How are you not published? Your work reads like an actual writer wrote it, while much of the other stuff here looks like a kid in high school wrote it.

Good stuff! I read the original bit you posted way back when and was really interested in learning more. Glad to see it on here!

I did. It's totally there when I look at it.
Are we looking at the same thing? lol

Yeah, the intermissions were meant to be read before 8 as intermission 2 is the start of the day of 8. Intermission 1 is setting a little ground work (and will be very important later :P).

They're intermissions because they're a)short and b) don't fundamentally have to do with the guy's need for muffins

The introductions were done "offscreen" between the killing of the Trenchcoat guy and the boning/phone call.

In this chapter, he's not asking her name, but more of a general "who are you?" kind of deal. Her response of "hi my name is Rose" was sarcastic.

The break in the paragraphs was used as a time skip. I figured it would be more teasing/interesting/annoying/ to the reader if I shrugged off the act of burning a dead body and then boning right after by explaining it all in a phone conversation right after.

The person on the other side of the line may or may not make an appearance later (or earlier...) in the story.

Thanks a lot! Good to know someone still does.

How about friends of different interests ? :P

What can one say to this but "ouch?" That sounds pretty lame. But it's good to know that someone's out there actually trying to do this stuff. I didn't know how rough it was. But then again, you probably won't feel as awesome if it was easy. Thank you for posting this and letting the rest of us chumps know about the process and its difficulties.
Keep on keepin on

Very good stuff. Describing the guy's thoughts and feelings rather than his surroundings was a nice move. Totally gets us wanting more without telling us anything. Perfect tease.

Short and simple and to the point. A breeze to read. Don't feel like the last line is entirely necessary. Could be wrong though.

Me too... :'(

This story seems to have been the talk of this site for some time so I finally figured I'd give it a read.

Really love the writing style, flow and in particular the absoluteness of the narrator. Really feels like a "we done **** up" documentary from the future. That said tho, smells a bit of the matrix, but, I haven't read the rest yet...

You sure do have a thing for pedophiles there, don't ya? Still, looks pretty interesting.

Btw, what happened to the Park and Empty World? Was looking forward to reading more of those.

Very good stuff. You've got the skills. The fast pace seems like it would be quite a doozy to keep up.

right...

Much of the writing I've seen of late has been very dark and gloomy.

Sounds like you've got the right attitude for this place! Not enough lighthearted stuff around here.

Me likey :)

Thanks!

I was reading other people's stuff and got the hankering to write something but nothing but the ridiculous comes to mind recently. I think I've got a "serious" block.

That or I'm goin crazy.

Now this is pretty darn good.

Mash away! Quite possibly the most interesting aspect of the site is the ability to alter a story you like as you see fit, like fanfiction that's canon.... canfiction?

How exactly does the rating/ranking system work with regards to grading your own stories? It seems pointless to be able to rate your own work. Tooting your own horn aside, it can just be inflating the actual rank/quality of the story and mislead people. Let others worry about grading your stuff.

To be a completely sloppy copy cat, I propose a duel.

Hey all. I joined this site quite a while ago but haven't been on a very long time. Hoping to make some long stories on here and maybe a few mashes (mash's?). I write comedy and....not...comedy...?... Anyway, hope to please.

Someone sounds drunk

Does your method work well here?

Pretty cool. This sounds like this could be the start of something quite amazing.

This is one seriously **** up guy. You'd think most people would do just about any "forgivable" crime short of murder before turning to raping the frozen. But this guy does it in what seems like 20 minutes. **** up. But you painted it well, kudos.

I agree with writerwannabe, it felt like you're goin for that umph now but it seemed a bit short this time? Lots o sizzle and just a little bit of steak.

But I'm not one to judge really, I have almost no sizzle and just try to cram steak. If only we could activate some Wonder Twin powers...

Thanks much!

I absolutely hate typos and spelling errors and the like. I think it's pretty embarrassing for anyone putting out work that will be read by the public so apologies for this chapter and in advance for any spelling errors and the like I might make. I've been shooting these out in about 30 minutes to an hour or so and do not go back and edit or read them whatsoever... probably should start doing that...

sure, go nuts

Nice start. I like the flow, but feels like the first chapter could've used a bigger umph in the end.

As requested, just finished Chapter 2. Hope it's ok

By all means

Thanks, yeah it does seem a bit out of place now. I think I had a direction in mind that needed to be followed but I never got around to it.