I stepped out into the cool night breeze after paying my tab. Terry was busy with the ladies and there didn't seem to be enough room for me at the table. I guess I just didn't beat enough **** back there. It was all fine by me, though, Terry was kind of an ****.
I started walking back in the direction of my apartment. It had been a nice, relaxing day up until now and I just wanted it to end that way too. I had had enough of the ridiculous the day before, and meeting Terry at the bar gave me a familiar taste in my mouth. I had to get home before any more stupid **** happened.
I closed up my hoodie and picked up the pace. The streets were eerily quiet and still. The wind had completely stopped and there were no other cars or people in sight. It felt like the world had stood still. Then, a brief and sudden movement caught my eye. I came closer to where I thought I saw the movement to find that it had been a wrapper that had been kicked up by the wind. Huh, I haven't felt any wind, I thought to myself.
I looked it closer to find that it was round with pressed edges and a perfectly circular pattern of crumbs in the center. It was a muffin cup! My mouth suddenly watered and my stomach roared from the shock of a black whole hunger-tempest missle being fired at me point blank, double light speed. I suddenly imagined diving into that dirty old cup and somehow, if only somehow, becoming small enough as to enjoy each of those tiny crumbs as if they were a whole muffin.
I was running through the brown crumb desert, kicking beachball sized crumbs up and catching them with my arms and face as they slowly floated to the floor. I ran further and used my lasso to catch and reel in crumbs on the run. And then, the crumbs ended, and I was falling, falling, falling down a crumby cliffside that lasted into forever, no end in sight. I turned to face the cliffside and bit into the wall rushing past. It was soft and gentle, and too easily broke off. My mouth was full of it muffin in not a second! Then, I could see the end! There wasn't muffin or floor or grass below! There was just nothing. Absolute nothing! I took a last bite of the wall and allowed the fear and joy to sweep over me.
The wall ended and then I was falling in pure nothing. After a few seconds it stopped feeling like falling, there was afterall, nothing around me to compare to. I then felt a deep sadness at the thought of not ever being able to eat another muffin again, and then the image of a woman briefly popped into my head. It was merely a split second flash, but I could swear she was eating yogurt. I thought I'd seen her somewhere before. No matter, it was over.
What's this? I felt something soft and mushy under my ****, and I felt heavy now. I was sitting! I looked down (there was a down now!) to see the broad surface of a giant muffin below me. I was sitting on it! It had giant muffin colored angel wings and blueberries everywhere, so that would explain the soft and mushy thing.
I was flying! But to where? Then I saw it above me, a pale orangish light. It was getting closer and closer. It was brilliant and beautiful and yet felt somehow dirty and lonely. It was getting closer at an extremely increasing speed. I held onto the muffin, wishing for it to stop, but it wouldn't listen, it just got faster and faster. I closed my eyes in fear like a little child.
And then, again nothing. The light should have been upon me now but I felt nothing. Nothing except the cool night breeze. Wait, cool night breeze? That didn't sound right. I slowly opened my eyes. The light was right above me! But wait, it was attached to a pole of sorts, and the muffin now felt like plain old cold cement. I was back. Had I ever left?
I must have passed out, I thought. Holy ****! It was now 3:08 AM, said Mr. Watch. I stood up and looked around. There were still no people around.
"It appears the young gentleman wasn't a puff afterall, but just a crazy slag" said the bartender. I nearly jumped. The old bastard was on his way home and must have spotted me on the ground.
"Yeah, great," I said, not caring, "thanks a lot, you **** weirdo."
The man came up to me, looked me in the face (this was a struggle for him because he was at least a head shorter than me), kicked me in the shin and walked off.
Now there were no people on the street. The muffin cup was gone too, probably blown off somewhere else. So this is what happens when I forget to think of a muffin for just one chapter. I needed one, now! I started off at a run towards the supermarket where I had bought the muffin earlier.