Discussion of "Vacant Soul (1)" by PunkyMegs

I'm a little surprised at how much I like this. I won't lie, when I read your opening paragraph I honestly thought, "Goodness, not a vampire story." But I'm glad I kept reading. I see a lot of potential. One piece of advice though, watch your tense. As in, most of it is in past tense, but occasionally you put in a present tense word. It distracted from the great atmosphere the rest of your piece tries to create.

Oh, and I forgot, it's often not a good idea to do an opening paragraph like you did. Let the reader learn about what happened with the vampires through dialogue and the protagonist's thoughts.