Discussion of "Assassination Blunder" by Psycho1_77

Holy cow! Bringing Wright back from the dead!! What an ingenious move. And, now, the gang's all here..on one plane (except Shirley) hmmmm. Ah, this is great, psycho!
My fingers are stuck on fives....lol.

Thank you... I felt that with the growing tension another log should be tossed into the fire... I kinda thought Wright was an explosive element from the beginning and he'd never allow himself to be offed so easily. Maybe I watch too many movies, but I love the twists...lol..

Hmm... I guess I'll have to kill him better next time:) Awesome twist! And kudos for giving Wright a little more credit as a character than I did. I also like the Mexico hint at the end. Nice job!

Dude…!
Okay, I admit…at first I was like, ‘Oh no he di’int!’
I mean, bringing back Wright just sounded so like a Soap Opera sweeps month storyline. What next…Fraus evil straight twin Hans from outer space!
But then…I read it…and I thought it was really cool. Excellent execution. Brilliant twist for the story. (Although maybe more effective further along…but who can say how long this will really last) And what an insane extra element we now have here.
Angelique, Brett and (in the shadows…Wright) (and deeper into the shadows lets not forget, ‘The Captain’)
Vs.
Shirley, Che, Egg, Skeeter. Anyone else?
And our boy Toby…just where do his loyalties lie?
Excellent continuation bro. I have you a 5…for the shock, for the execution and for the writing.

Thank you, thank you... no, really, stop... I'm blushing here. I appreciate all the compliments and even more-so coming from some of the best writers I have seen on this site. I can't wait to see where this goes from here.

p.s. I give honeygloom a '5' too...for her comment... "I guess I'll have to kill him better next time." Sweet!

Oh I'll do it too. Just watch me;)

well, if you kill him off again, make sure I can't resurrect him again... like Frau...lol... ;)

Oh I'm talking wood chipper dead:)

So Shirley always uses the same poison. So Wright builds up an immunity to iocane? If so, how? Keep in mind, Wright needs to know she's poisoning this particular glass; if he feigns death on an untainted scotch, things get ugly quickly. She checked his carotid - nada. Face first in the pool while Che and Shirley are still there. (His goal is to dump the dummy silently? I'd think the challenge would be for him to hold his breath long enough, avoid being detected getting out (sopping wet is noisy), and have a body prepped in the bushes.)
I'm having trouble giving Wright - the guy with no phone and riddling instructions - James Bond's survivability. I tend to under-credit characters, but this is a leap of faith I'm not capable of. I need more understanding.
Crap analogy #7203F: the end of season 1 of 24, President Haysbert shakes the poisonous hand and goes down. It's baaaad. Season 2? Never addressed. Huh? Whu? As much as I enjoy the storyline (and your chapters), YOU CAN'T IGNORE DEATH! If you're going to un-kill somebody, I need to read more than "he was able to anticipate it and stay one step ahead."
I like the reprise of "Scotch on the rocks." I like the tension of everyone on the same plane (even if I'd think he'd need more than a crooked wig and grey mustache for a disguise). But I can't swallow the resurrection. I just can't.
Transparency: 3

I realized after I published it that I had left out some major details, but once published, it's just too late... I thought about adding an add-on, but then it deviates... Thank you for calling it out, though, after going over it all, I decided to write a new chapter re-offing Wright. It is in progress as I type... The body prepped in the bushes was implied by context... I think my original line of thinking when writing it was along the lines of let the reader's imagination unfold how things happened, but like I said, I realized it was lacking some major details... Once in awhile, I am guilty of that because I think an idea is to good to pass...

okay. you can't just bring Wright back from the dead like that. the story is wild, it's varied, but so far, it's mostly believable. And now you are going to bring him back in an unrealistic way and then re-kill him in another chapter? seriously? I think I'm a bit disappointed that you, with clear writing ability, are so blithely making these dramatic scenes without much understanding of the story that's been unfolding. But I guess that's the idea of SM. I might be a bit personal about it, because there are several of us who have worked this story line and had a blast with it for quite some time. Your a pretty good writer psycho, but this chapter didn't do it for me. Voted it a 3.

It's not so much that it was an unrealistic way, it's more like I previously stated...I got ahead of myself writing and was working to get some other stuff done, and left out a few major details... like the fact that he was supposed to have latex on his neck, and that he had seen Che put the poison in the scotch... and a few other things that I caught after I published the chapter...

alright. If you say so...it's easy to make mistakes on here(Hell don't I know it), and I do understand that once you publish, it's final. I'm not trying to be hard on you. I do like your style and I'm glad you've popped in on this story with your talent in tow. My suggestion...? Re-read the story from chap 1 (it' loooonnnnggg) and sort of feel out where it seems to be taking you. I think it might show just what direction it needs to head an with your talent that would be a brilliant chapter.

sorry for typos...only on first cup of coffee...lol.

I see both sides of this one.
This storyline is without question personal to some of us. Honeygloom has been here since chapter 2!
We built a steady flow and alternated writing chapters,(for the most part), and it became a real event to log in each day and see where someone else had taken it….all the while staying within these imaginary boundaries. (Reality of sorts I guess)
The killing of Wright was awesome….as it was the right death at the right time. His character was ready to go and HG executed it flawlessly. Gave the story some real punch.
The bringing Wright back to life, while shocking…was in my personal opinion a bit Soap Operaish. Which doesn’t make it bad…I personally really liked it….it just wasn’t staying true to the theme that had already been established. However, fiction is fiction. One night on a wine bender I could easily have made Shirley beam up to the mother ship to give a full report to her ‘people’ on the complications of being a human. As Foo states….this is a MASH site.
I suggest we just branch out...take the story in a few different directions and see what happens. I would be happy to continue this story from all branches.

Lastly, I wanted to say that again, while I did enjoy the bringing back of Wright, I think it would have been more effective closer to the end of the story...and with an accomplice. Like, after Shirley and Angelique have decided to join forces and are about to uncover the secrets of the universe and become tragillionairs…have him pop up out of the shadows and hold them at gunpoint while he explains the elaborate hoax that he and Che had put together to fool them all. Then laughing he could shoot Che and a melee would ensue….yadda yadda yadda.

At any rate….I’m babbling while I should be writing….(ah-hem…actually…I mean working)…I just saw psycho mention that he was gonna ‘lay off’ this storyline for a bit and I wanted to say that I hope he eventually comes back. Your voice has been a fresh contribution here!