Discussion of "Day 12... A lesson in Pain (part 2)" by Psycho1_77

“With a handful of her hair, I forced myself into her mouth, thrusting and **** her throat rapidly. She choked repeatedly and tears streamed from her eyes. As I was coming to climax I jammed the piece of metal into her left ear.” Uh, lucky for Tony she’s not a biter.

So troubling. Again, poor man.

I would have liked to have seen more of a mental breakdown in this storyline leading up to the point of him snapping/experiencing the episode of madness.
He snapped, yes but you stall there. You should have added more of an elaboration of his brooding, feeling himself sink into that stage would have made this a better chapter. Like staring at Tiffany, feeling guilty about what he just done. Starting to stare through her, breathing becoming more and more hard to control, you know? This starts to scare Tiffany and make her uncomfortable.
I can then see him geting up in haste and leaving, everyone wondering what the hell...
Wrestling with the guilt of his adultery in his mind and the fact that Clarke could not have been more of an **** for allowing it to happen causes the explosion. I understand that . But giving us more of a visual seeing it overtake him and causes him to commit those murders would have made this more edge of the seat.
Great story nevertheless and thanks for your addition....
I always enjoy our collaborations.
You are one of my favorites Psycho. I look forward to more of your work.

I thought about all that when writing it, but then I was thinking about the effects of a tumor just causing things to happen unexpectedly... like a light switch going off and on... also... I didn't want to end up with a 5 or 6 thousand word piece, because at some point, it would have gotten wordy and a little boring... I tried to keep it as scaled back as I could, not only for continuity sake, but also to spare the next writer fromm having to follow so many details...