I sat straight up with a blood pulsing, heart pounding start.  My chest felt concaved and my breaths came in panting heaves, heavy and strangled under the pressure. 

“You okay, babe?"  Karen's sleepy voice whispered as she snuggled close up beside me and wrapped her arm around my waist.  I slowly turned my gaze to where my wife lay beside my trembling body.  She looked peaceful and warm....like a radiant angel, as the sunlight filtered through the curtains and onto her hair.

"Lie back down," She gently urged me. I numbly followed the command and reached out to cradle her on my chest as I leaned back onto my sweat soaked pillow. 

 I stared at the ceiling of our bedroom as she snuggled in closer to me. My sanity was struggling to keep pace with the events pouring through my brain.  "How the hell did I get into bed?  How the hell did I get home, for that matter?"  The confusion and angst was building inside me and I began to feel the tell tale signs of another headache coming on.  Did she suspect?  Did she know?  How could she be lying so soundly in my arms if she did?  "No, you're safe...." A voice emerged from somewhere inside of me.  I took in my first deep, full breath and began to calm down. 

 I looked tentatively into Karen's sleeping face, perched on my chest as if she were looking upwards into mine.  A slight smile played across her lips as she contentedly lie there, unaware of the monster she kept company with. 

 I gently placed my free hand on her bare shoulder and slowly traced the length of her arm.  She began to stir.  I moved my hand under hers and intertwined our fingers, lifting her hand to kiss it.  Still stunned by the events swimming in my head, the gesture felt mechanical. 

"Mmmmmmmm…..Mornin', Cowboy...."

My heart stopped and I froze in place as the words pierced through my jumbled thoughts.  Karen leaned upwards and brushed my cheek with soft, tiny kisses. 

"Penny for your thoughts..."  She was looking curiously into my eyes, locked in a distant stare.

I blinked and looked back at her.  "****!  Get a hold of yourself!"  I screamed silently at myself.  I blinked again and swallowed hard.  She sat up a little more and cocked her head to the side, squinting as if to see through to my inner thoughts. 

"I'm sorry, sweetie....I just have a headache, is all..."  I heard the half truth I uttered and wondered if she saw through my story.  

"Oooohhhh, my sweet, sexy man...."  Karen's voice dripped with thick honey tones as she slid her leg across my body and kneeled over me.    She reached her arms over her head and playfully tossed her hair. 

"I know what will fix that headache," She delightedly giggled.  She reached over to my nightstand and topped off her mass of golden curls with a cowboy hat and nestled in over my now aching crotch. Slowly, rhythmically, she began rocking back and forth as if riding a mechanical bull. I watched her ample, bare breasts jiggle slightly as she moved above me, my loins burning with desire. 

Instantly and without warning, my mind shot back to the bar, the boy, the blood. 

“Karen, wait…..stop….”  I grabbed her hips and broke the spell and scene in my mind.  She stared at me inquisitively, waiting for an explanation.  I searched my mind frantically for one.

“The kids….they’ll hear us,”  I managed to offer as an excuse to cover up the confusion enveloping me. 

 The pain in my head intensified.  I gently pushed her off of me and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, sitting up to gather my thoughts and reached for the bottle of Excedrin.  It was already open but empty.  Rage gripped my soul and I flung the hollow container across the room. 

 “Tony!  What the hell is wrong with you?”  Karen’s words were more a mixture of hurt, confusion and true concern now.

“My head…..it’s just my head,”  I muttered, as I leaned into my knees and held my aching cranium in my hands.  She edged over to my side and placed her hand on my shoulder.

 “I’ll get you some more medicine…..it’s just a hangover,” She offered.  She gently lit off the bed and walked towards the bathroom. 

 I watched her toned, tanned body as she gracefully sauntered away.  At thirty-six, she was still stunning to behold.

She was back in an instant with a tall glass of water and a fresh bottle of pills. She stood before me and offered me both.  I ripped the plastic protective covering from the new bottle, tearing it with my teeth like a starving beast and poured five pills into the palm of my hand.  I shoved them into my mouth hungrily and took the water, funneling as much as I could hold and whipped my head back to swallow it all. 

Karen took the glass from me and I nervously placed the pills on the nightstand, not bothering to replace the cap.  I gripped it tight in the palm of my hand, staring straight ahead at the bathroom door.  I feared the thought of looking at her….at telling her the truth; the truth about my debauchery….the truth about the armory….the truth about the letter…the truth about the murder.  It was all too overwhelming.  She could not know.  She had to be protected from it.  She was innocent.